Any options besides CIO?

I really really am against the whole CIO thing, and would ideally like to find an alternative, so hoping someone can offer some advice.

One of my girls has been waking up at night, i try and give her some time, but she just becomes hysterical and mad, so she throws her passies and blankies out of her crib, so she is left without any soothers.


Her sister will usually stay quiet through her ordeal, but the second that I walk into the room, she will start getting up, i usually end up scooping the crier out, so that she doesnt disturb her sister, and brining her to my room, where we will nurse for a bit, and then she will freak out if I try and bring her back into her room too soon,

Ideally, I would like to be able to just comfort her in her room, but that wakes up the sleeping baby, i am thinking of leaving a sippee cup of water in her crib, but think that she will just chuck that as well.

I also have 2 boys 4 &6, that I am nervous will wake up if the screaming goes on forever,

Last night she cried from 5 -6, and then i gave up and got her.

Does anyone have any sort of advice for me?


One other thing, she usually goes right to sleep when I put her in, so she never really got good as soothing herself to sleep,

 

This is what I do with one of my guys, William. He goes to bed great, sleeps well until about 10. I go in to his room around 9pm, and disturb him. I dont wake him, just move him a bit, cover him with his blanket. It's just disturbs their sleep cycle, they think they have woken, and they restart the sleep cycle over. Come 10pm there isnt a peep from his room, and he sleeps the rest of the night. If she is waking around the same time every night, I would go in an hour earlier, like I do, disturb her and leave. Hope this helps.

 

I've never found a good solution to the night waking other than CIO. My kids have our number.. they know that if they scream for a long time we'll give in and take them to bed (they love sleeping with us!), so it will go on forever. Like you, when I go in to try and calm one down, the other wakes... even though they'll sleep through their brother's screaming. It's mayhem. We had to rely on CIO more than I ever wanted to. I have found that sometimes I can go in and just pat them on the back and explain that it's not wakeup time yet and give them a book to read. Sometimes I just get a book thrown at me, sometimes it calms them down.

We just went through an episode of this and someone suggested that it was separation anxiety... do you think a night light, or a glow worm or something like that would help her?

 

Her usual wake up time is 4ish, so I am not going to go and wake her up earlier, She was
sleeping good through the summer, when we had the AC going, so maybe I should just try a white noise thing

She gets herself so worked up so I dont think a glow worm or anything would help.


In a way it's not fair for me to leave her, cause I know that she is throwing her soothing objects out of her crib, so there is no way she will fall back asleep.


I wouldnt even mind if she would come into my bed and go back to sleep, but she just wants to nurse, and she pinches me to calm her, which isnt comfy, and then jumps around etc....

I

 

She has you trained to come and get her. Everytime you get out of her crib you are teaching her that the more she screams you will come and get her out of her crib. I speak from about 6 months of night waking experience the only thing that works for us is CIO. I tried everything else under the seun, nightlights, music, toys, milk, water, getting them out of their cribs, etc etc etc. This is what we do now if they wake up....give them about ten or fifteen minutes to make sure they are actually awake and screaming (sometimes we would go in too quickly and they wouldn't really be awake, but we end up waking them up), go in their room very quietly and quickly with no light on but maybe the hall light outside of the room, pat her back, lay her down, cover her back up, make sure she has her lovey, tell her it is time to go back to sleep, and then leave. Let her scream for about thirty minutes and then go in again. It took a couple of weeks before this started working, but consistency is the key. They have gone from waking up almost every night and staying up for two to three hours to one or two nights a week and being back asleep in 30 minutes or less. I know you arescared about waking the other children, but sadly I think this is your only option. Start it on a Friday night and that way at least if she does wake the others it is a weekend. Good Luck with this, and I hope it goes much quicker and smoother for you than it did with us.

 

Are the girls in seperate cribs?
My DS nursed longer than DD and woke up at night much more frequently. They had the same room but seperate cribs. I hung a sheet from the ceiling (with thumb tacks) down the middle of the room as a divider. I put the rocking chair next to his crib on his side. I found that as long as DD couldnt see me, it didnt matter what sort of racket DS was making she wouldnt get up, she didnt know I was there!
I would go in on his side of the room, nurse, comfort etc and then put him back in bed.

At 18 months they have a great understanding. I would start explaining (multiple times per day) that night time is for sleeping, and that mommy is tired, and that shes so lucky to have her own comfy bed, that you will help her if she needs it, but would much rather nurse when the sun comes out. We used to say when the sun goes down and mama goes night night, my boobs do too. you can nurse again in the morning when the sun comes up. For us, he was waking just to nurse and once I stopped allowing nighttime nursing (as a toddler) he stopped waking up at night.

Best of luck! Also at 18 months, have you considered teeth cutting again?

 

I wouldnt wake her earlier. If you can go in at 3 and just disturb her sleep, as in moving her around, or covering her up. SOmething that doesnt wake her but disturbs her enough that she may move a little. It resets their sleeps cycles. She'll go back into a deeper sleep and may not wake at 4. I did it for about a week, and we are back to sleeping the night

 

I'm confused because you say you are against CIO and yet you are letting her CIO. Sometimes our best intentions have the worst results, and this is one of those times. If you aren't prepared to do CIO, then you cannot let her cry for an hour and go get her. You are teaching her that she just needs to cry more and longer, and ultimately causing her and you more upset. With all sleep issues, I believe consistency is king. If you don't want to be bringing her into your room every night, then you need to stop bringing her into your room. Right now, the lesson is that she cries and gets to go to your room. You don't want that, so you need to stop doing that. CIO was the answer for me. It might not be for you. You may want to go in and soothe. You may want to sit in her room and nurse. I don't know. But you need to figure out what you are willing to do to get her sleeping and do that. Consistently.

 

I'm intrigued by the idea of disturbing their sleep slightly. Very clever, and I could see that working. I also want to second talking to them. Explain that it's still nighttime and time for her to sleep and that mommy will see her in the morning when it gets light out.

 

It totally worked for me. I also did it to my 3 yr old, as I wasnt doing CIO with him.

 

ITA that consistency is key! Jack is/was my worst sleeper and I didn't feel CIO was right for him (he was always genuinely distressed, and I am convinced he needed some sort of intervention). Before bed, we give the boys a "pep talk" about how night-time is for sleeping, Mama and Dada are right here, so you're never alone, but if you wake you need to try to go back to sleep, etc., etc. If they wake up, we give them a moment to see if they settle (sometimes they give a few cries then go back to sleep), if not we go in, rock for a few minutes, whisper that it's still night-time and they need to go back to sleep.

99% of the time it's Jack waking at night, and 99% of the time Nate sleeps through it. If Nate *does* wake up (or if it's Nate waking, he always wakes Jack), I or DH will just grab the other boy and sit with them both, rocking, then telling them to go back to sleep and putting them back in their cribs.

This has worked really well for us, and only once (this week, coincidentally) has it not worked; Jack was being a complete butt-head and repeatedly throwing his water sippy on purpose then crying that he needed it. <_< This was the first time I had to tell him "this is the last time I retrieve your sippy; next time you're on your own". He's a big boy and old enough to understand, so he had to deal.

Good luck figuring out a technique that works for you!

 

i agree with everyone who has said consistency is key. whatever you decide to do, you need to do it every time, every night, so make sure you pick a routine that you can live with.

also, white noise is awesome! our girls have had a white noise machine in their room since they were 3.5 months old & i love that thing. it also makes sleeping while traveling that much easier because it's such a routine sound for them.

the other thing to keep in mind is that whenever you change a night time routine (ie dropping night nursing, or not bringing them into your room anymore) you can expect that the sleep will likely get worse before it gets better, as they adjust to the new routine. that's why it's important to stick with a change for a week or so before evaluating if it's working. CIO is usually the quickest & most effective sleep training method, but if you aren't comfortable with it, finding something else that works is possible - it just usually takes a bit longer to get where you want to be.

have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley? i love her books because they aren't a one-size-fits-all-solution - she usually includes lots of different things to try so that you can find the right combination for your family. GL!

 

K, so we persevered with the CIO, and it worked!! Now she is being more clingy, but I don't know if that's just an age thing, or because she was upset about the whole sleeping through the night bit.

 

I would say it's an age thing or she could be teeting.

 

So glad it worked! Consistency really is the key, however you decide to handle any problem (and you're going to notice this as they get older too), consistency is the key. The clinginess could be a combination of things, but I'm sure she'll be fine soon!