Help! We are

The last few weeks have been hell at our house. The inlaws got here and the kids had a REALLY bad cold while they were here. They slept ok though, and seemed to recover in a hurry. But pretty much since the day that they left, we've been having terrible, terrible problems with Miles waking at night. He goes from dead asleep to screaming at the top of his lungs several times a night. We've tried to let him CIO, but it's blood curdling screaming for more than an hour and it's waking Austin up. So we started pulling him into bed with us and now he just won't go back to his crib at all. He is currently screaming because I had him down for a nap for 45 minutes where he yelled the whole time, then I brought him to lay down with me and he went to sleep instantly.. I got him up and rocked him for a little while then put him in his crib and he's having a fit again.

To compound matters my husband is also sick and has a really bad cough so he's woken the kids up a few times hacking away, and me too. We're all super sleep deprived and I can't take another minute of screaming. I was exhausted last night but I went out with my friends for a few hours because the kids were screaming their heads off going to bed and I just couldn't do it anymore. It was also really cold here and their room is the coldest in the house so now we have the heat jacked up to sauna temperatures.

I don't know what to do.. I am considering giving him a soother at night or something because we're all just so freaking tired and my nerves are frayed.

 

I think you need to stop putting him in your bed if that's not where you want him to sleep. He is learning that he cries and then gets in your bed. If that's not what you want him to learn, you need to stop. Figure out what your strategy is--go in briefly and leave? CIO? Etc? And stick to it. You can't decide to CIO and then put him in your bed. All you are doing is teaching him to cry longer to get what he wants. We went through this with Jack right after he turned two and we ended up doing CIO. It was a rough couple nights and then back to normal. You need a plan you can live with, but you can't just improvise every night.

 

I am totally with you---and empathize. We've had the exact same nightly occurrence at our house just in the last week. Well, since last Sunday night. We have 13 month old twin boy and girl, who have been WONDERFUL sleepers since they were 6 weeks old. No night waking, unless they have been sick with colds, which was twice. Our twin daughter has had pretty severe reflux, dx'd since 4 weeks of age. She takes prevacid and zantac, and her GERD has been managed well with no night problems since June (She aspirated, it was a scary episode. We had tried to wean her from her reflux meds). Recently Grace has been waking up about 2 times per night, screaming, and must be held and cuddled so we can calm her enough to try to put her back down in her crib. She seems fine, then when we get her down in her crib again, she cries as we leave. The crying gets so severe that she sometimes vomits as a result. Therefore, I will not allow her to get THAT upset and I'll get her before that point. Then we try it all over again. and again. : ) Grace usually ends up awake from about 1 am to 4am and one more time during the whole night. She went to her ped today and she does not have an ear infection. The ped just kind of had to assume that we need to increase her reflux meds-- but I'm not so sure that's it. I think it's some newly-developed seperation anxiety. Anyway, your post was so similar to our situation I had to respond.
Have you tried taking one or both of them to the ped to rule out an ear infection? Babies can have one without having a fever. And since they have had colds, it may be worth checking it out. Good luck and I hope you all get some sleep soon. My oldest daughter, who is almost three now, had 2 ear infections when she was under a year old. After having a cold, she would scream bloody murder when she lay down at night, and that's how we knew she had one. We took her to the ped the bext morning, where she confirmed it and prescribed antibiotics. Please post how it goes trying to get your twins to sleep. Hope all goes well very soon so you can get some sleep, too.

 

I also think the PP's advice to rule out a medical reason is sound. We haven't had an ear infection for so long that I kind of forgot about that possibility.

 

:hug: Jen - i'm sorry sleep is not to be found these days! :hug:

i agree that ruling out a medical issue would be the first step. and i also agree with Rachael that you guys need to talk out a plan of action & then stick with it. doing something different every night is only going to make things harder in the long run.

also, do you have a white noise machine for the boys' room? if not, i'd highly recommend getting one - it would at least eliminate them waking up from DH hacking up a lung. :good:

 

:hug: lack of sleep is the worst!!!

I agree with the pp, but wanted to add.. you mentioned that it was cold... I highly recommend getting a little heater for their room. I bought one at Target that I love and it doesn't get hot to the touch and turns off on its own if it over heats or tips. But them being cold could be a reason for the waking as well.
I also agree with the white noise maker...
I think you just have to be consistent with what ever you try and I hope something helps soon!!

 

I know we need a plan, but it's just been hard the last couple of weeks. I guess I am venting more than anything. We've gone through CIO so many times, for some reason this time Miles is outwitting us. He was just in for his 18 month checkup a few days ago and his ears were fine, so I am now wondering if it is separation anxiety like the PP suggested. I am not sure how to deal with SA, particularly when we're all so tired we're not making good decisions. I also know that the lack of naps is contributing to night waking, but again I don't know how to make this happen. We had successfully pushed naps back to 11 am, and now out of the blue naps aren't happening at all.

We at least managed to pull it together and get laundry and groceries under control today, so that's a start.

 

Have you tried putting them down earlier for both naps and bed? I would try a good 30 minutes before they normally go down. I know it sounds strange but sometimes it just does the trick...

 

And a white noise maker! Yes, I keep meaning to buy one, but I forget every time I am out. I think that would help a lot as our stupid dog has to get up and investigate every time there's action upstairs and the coughing and even walking past their room... they get mad when the door is closed, so that's not an option.

As for the heat, we have it cranked right now, so it's not too bad and we've been putting them in fuzzy jammies and sleep sacks and we have new windows ordered,so that problem should be permanently solved soon.

They'll probably sleep through the night tonight just to prove me :crazy:

 

I did try an earlier bedtime last night because they were clearly so overtired, and it was a major disaster. That doesn't mean it won't work... I might try again tonight. We used to put them down closer to 6:30, but the last week or so I have been sticking pretty close to 6.

Thanks for all the help and suggestions ladies.. we have to figure out what we're going to try next. It's RIDICULOUS around here.

 

Since at their 18 mo appt just a few days ago their ears looked fine, it may be Seperation anxiety. Did you talk about the recent onset of the sleep issues with your ped at the visit? Today ours suggested that if we do feel that SA is the issue, that we reassure, reassure, reassure, but to try not to pick Grace up out of the crib at all. I know this would be hard for you as it WILL be for me tonight. : ) I guess deciding what you will do consistently will be the important first step at your house. Sleep deprivation is no fun, it 's like having newborns again, right? Good luck tonight. Hope your twins prove you wrong like your PP above, and sleep all night!

 

At this age, I try to talk to them. So I tell them to squeeze their glow worm when they get scared an it lights up and plays a song. Do you think they would understand something like that?

 

That's a good idea.. I might invest in one glow worm and see if he will keep it in his crib. He's very anti clutter :lol: but I am willing to try anything at this point.

 

Ok, to warn you, scout lights up and it freaked out Henry more than anything in the middle of the night. There is definitely some S/A going on right now. I would try to get naps under control and keep doing the earlier bed time. Also, try to get a break for yourself. Is he waking up screaming early in the night? When Jacob is exhausted, he has night terrors and wakes up about 1.5 hours after being put down. Good luck, sleep issues suck.

 

Tonight is already a big improvement over last night. They had a nice bath, and grandma and grandpa were here for story time.. they were quite screechy for about 10 minutes before settling, but they're sleeping soundly now in their nice warm jammies. Miles has been waking sometime around an hour after I go to bed.. almost like he maybe is sort of woken up by us getting ready for bed and then at some point wakes up all the way. Then it's pretty much every couple of hours after that.

I am also going to put the dogs in their crates so they aren't adding to the noise. Haven't decided yet if we're going to start the whole CIO routine again tonight yet or not.. i'd like to, but I'd also like to give my husband a chance at a good sleep because he's been sick for 2 weeks.

 

Ugh so sorry you are dealing with all of this! :hug: We were sick from before halloween to just about a week and a half ago it was awful!!! Andddddddd the best part? The diarrhea is starting again oy!!!

I have noise makers in all the kids rooms, it definitely helps so they don't wake at every sound. Make DH keep a pillow beside him so he can cough into it lol. They also have the peaceful planet cribside soothers and love them!

I hope they sleep better for you tonight! I'm just 3 hours SE of you and holy cow it has been cold!!! Nothin like the first wallop of winter.

 

My DS has problems with night waking and it seems as though he's not even fully awake. We used to make him CIO but now that he's older it seems to work better to go in and rub his back. He falls back to sleep in under a minute. If he's actually up and standing/sitting in his crib I say "you're ok, go to sleep" and lay him down. I rub his back for a minute, then leave the room.

 

Have they been sleeping in the dark up until now? We had to go get night lights bc JT was all of a sudden scared of the dark?! We bought the Mobi TykeLight Jr's bc we recently switched to big beds so they couldn't play with the 1 plugged in.

(HUGS) I hope it gets better for you!

 

I am going to go out as soon as it stops snowing again :aggressive: to find a nightlight and noise maker. I am not sure if dark is the problem as he does the same thing during the day too.. although it is pretty dark in their room even in the day. But can't hurt right?

Miles only woke up once last night as my husband was going to bed.. I think Kris rocked him for a few minutes and he went back to sleep until 7 am. Austin slept straight through! :yahoo: . Miles wouldn't go down for a nap though even though he was very tired, and Oz only slept for about 45 minutes... so we're kind of back to the drawing board there... I think I might try to push their naps back until noon this week and see how that goes. They're playing happily right now, so at least we have that! Although Miles just socked his brother in the head with a muffin tin. :escape:

 

I forgot to add.. yesterday during one of the nap meltdowns I gave Miles back his soother just because I was willing to try anything.. he sucked on it for 2 seconds and then threw it at me. So I guess we're officially past the severe soother addiction.

 

ITA with this. :acute: My Jack has had horrible sleep disruptions and separataion anxiety at night, and talking to him *really* helps. I do a night-time "pep talk" explaining all about how it's time to go to sleep, and if he wakes up, I rock him briefly and tell him it's still night-time, and that Mama needs to go back to sleep, so Jack needs to go back into his crib. This works 99% of the time.

Also don't discount the temperature. My guy are total divas and wake up if it's more than 2 degrees colder than their preference. Perhaps you could go double-duty and get a warm air humidifier. This will provide white noise, and will warm and moisten the air. :good:

Best of luck to you!! :hug:

 

Lots of good ideas from PPs.

Another thing to check: Are you sure he is not hungry? One of my LOs started waking and screaming at night, unconsolably. We know it is not separation anxiety because we co-sleep. But after trying everything we tried a bottle of milk. And it worked - she drank very quickly, turned over and slept for the rest of the night. I know it's not good for the teeth but sometimes toddlers are so busy during the day or so tired at supper time that they do not eat enough to last them through the night, especially when they are growing quickly. The hard part is weaning them back off that night-time milk once the growth spurt is over which is what we are struggeling with right now.

 

Jen - How is it going over there? Did you push your naps back to noon? I was going to suggest the opposite that you might have to backtrack down to 10 or 10:30 naps since they are not sleeping well at night and need to catch up. I completely went through this with the girls - it was a 2 or 3 week stint (of course they didn't go through it at the same time!) Pushing the naps back made them overtired and they did not nap well...moving them up meant more time before bedtime but they went to sleep fast at night. So for us it worked opposite. I do think this was a separation anxiety phase for us and I did go in but I would just kiss and rub them a few minutes and leave. We had rocked them a few times before that and were just too exhausted with the wakings. Once we decided to just do the "calming" and leave we had one hard night and they were back on schedule. I think they just wanted to know we were there. But it took a few days because of the sleep debt. Also, we have the twilight turtle. It projects stars onto the ceiling...the only bummer is it turns off after 45 mins. We also have a night light that puts a very soft warm orange glow in the room...they can't do pitch black.

Thinking of you and hoping you are hanging in there.

 

Thanks for asking!

Their naps just didn't happen last week at all... we tried moving them earlier but it was a disaster. So we decided to focus on the night time so they could at least start out the day with a good chunk of sleep. Miles only woke up once for a few minutes a couple nights ago, and last night they slept all the way through! Even with my loud book club downstairs until 11. :yahoo: We put a night light in their room and it has been warmer, so I think those two things helped. When Miles gets really worked up I just go in and pat his back and say "it's still night night time" and for some reason that calms him a bit.

We did pull them into bed the other night and they were hilarious... they were holding hands and patting each other and then Austin started blowing raspberries on my cheek and Miles was cracking up.. it was probably one of the most joyful moments of my life. :wub: So even though it's a mistake to take them into bed with us, sometimes it works out.