Tips on Surviving twins and a toddler? rant sorry.

Hi everyone, haven't been here in quite a while. I have 6 month old twin girls and a 3 year old daughter and I am just going through a bad period and needed a safe place to rant. while I'm thrilled the girls are here I am just emotionally and physically burnt out and spent on every level. This week has been particulary bad since my one little girl was in the hospital saturday through monday. we all got colds and it hit her in the lungs and she was having problems feeding so they hospitalized her. We have no family help (my parents are both deceased, husbands mother is 86 and never even gave us so much as a pack of diapers to acknowledge baby births). My husband also has 3 sisters but they are always to busy to help. Because of this hubby had to stay home with my 3yo and other twin and i was in the hospital with the baby. I barely slept the entire time i was there for one the baby was fussy and two the chairs for sleeping in hospitals arent' great. Thank god now we are home but its been endless breathing treatments, medicine and the normal changing diapers feedings with an extra dose of fussiness. On top of it I've been sick and feeling lousy I am spent on every level. ITs pretty much been this way since the babies got home, I do have a sitter that comes 1x a week so I can get out. I was hoping to start exercising on a regular basis but by the time my husband gets home from work and we get everyone bathed, fed and settled in for the night its usually 9 or later and I'm just exhausted. On some level I feel so angry and pissed off at everyone I Feel like noone understands how hard it is, how we NEVER get a break. I've started to hate when people say "I don't know how you do it." even though I know they are just trying to be nice. I want to say I'm not doing it I'm about to fall apart at any moment but nobody cares.

I Feel pissed that we don't have any help but I also know I shouldn't expect any these are my kids. I just don't know how much longer I can go on or we can continue without any breaks. Embarassingly I feel jealous of friends who have moms or family who are kind enough to help for me to be able to pee alone I have to pay someone to watch the kids. I want to be happy, I want to enjoy my children but the day in day out of it all is just eating away at it. Any insights? I could just use some cheering up I just feel so worn out.

 

Just wanted to let you know that you are alone in this! Having twins and a toddler is NO JOKE!! I'm sorry your daughter was in the hospital, thats tough. And I'm also sorry that you don't have any *free* help. Could you borrow one of your friends moms?! lol
It is hard when you don't ever have a break and those breaks are needed! Do you have your oldests in any kind of play group or day care? I didn't put my oldest (2 years old) into day care until this past September and in hind sight, I wish I had, had him in it right from the start. I had a hard time adjusting and managing 3 kids under 2 and a house hold! It was tough. But its nice to have that little bit of a break of my oldest - sounds bad right? But it is nice to have some just me and the twins time.

This too shall pass and you will look back on this and it will just be a distant memory. You can do this! BIG HUG!!!

 

I am so sorry you are going through this very tough time. I wish I had some magic answer...I only have :hug:. You are very strong momma and I am glad you came and posted. One person can only handle so much. I really wish I could offer insight - I can only say that for every moment you feel defeated you are truly building strength at the same time. I am sure others will have better things to say in support. I just wanted to say hang in there and try to breathe. Hopefully when you come out on the other side of sickness life will start feeling a little better.

 

Big hugs to you - I felt many days that I wasn't going to make it through (and I only have the twins!). I used to basically beg people to come and help me, even if they could only spare half an hour. I am NOT the type of person to ask for help, but I learned quickly when I had the twins that I needed it.
Can you get a local teen to come a few hours a week - even so you can go to a different room of the house for an hour? Or, what about any free programs in your area? sometimes they have babysitting through special programs, maybe call your local help line and see if they have any suggestions.
I would also suggest maybe daycare a few times/wk for your oldest if you can afford it.

Do you get out of the house ever? I also found that to be exhausting when I did it, but it really did help break up the monotony and made me feel a bit more human (rather then just a twin-mom machine).

Good luck - it will get better : )

 

I am sorry that you're having such a rough time.. having 3 with not a lot of help is just a lot to deal with and you're only one woman! Having a LO in the hospital is super stressful, we had to do it with breathing problems and we only have the twins. I am sorry you had to go through that.

I would suggest a few things.. Can your babysitter maybe come at a different time of day so that she can help out/take over baths and bedtime so you can end your day earlier? Also, Talk to your local health clinic.. we have free programs here for child care that were a total lifesaver for me in the early days. Can you and your husband come up with a schedule where he relieves you for an hour after he gets home so you can have a bit of down time.. or can you put the twins to bed earlier and have daddy take care of your toddler while you squeeze a work out in?

I know how hard it is to make time for yourself, it was my biggest struggle in the first year, but just do it. Once you feel more balanced you'll be able to enjoy your family more and focus on the good things, but it's impossible when you feel stuck. :hug:

 

I am trying to think of something silly to write to cheer you up, but I am at a loss - I'm just not a funny writer. If we lived close, I'd pop over and cheer you up in person! I'm a riot in person!! In all seriousness, I'm so sorry you're in a tough spot. I hope your daughter gets better soon; that's got to be scary. Some days/weeks we all need a pick-me-up, a helping hand, a bit of good news and I hope some comes your way very soon. Until then, vent away - we understand!!

 

I'm going to join in with PP's and send you hugs. I hope you are all feeling better. No doubt about it, you have your hands full AND you've had a really hard week. All I can say is that I hope you aren't being too hard on yourself, as I have done to myself over these past few months. Our jobs as mommies, and mommies of twins and toddlers, is a crazy hard one. There are so many days that I wonder how I'm going to get through. Sometimes my mind wanders to the time when I had only myself to worry about and could do whatever I wanted. This doesn't mean we are ungrateful and don't love our kids and our lives, it just makes us human.

Two months ago I felt like I was sinking, similar to how you might feel now. I'm not really one to do this, but I reached out to a girl that I barely knew who had twins a few years old. She has been so kind and we've developed a fast friendship. I hope you might be able to find somebody like that, maybe even in a mother's of multiples group or something. Of course, I've also found this board to be BEYOND helpful. I've felt like the ladies here are friends and confidants- just a huge source of support.

Please take care of yourself. On this board you are surrounded by people who understand what you are going through and care. As the ladies here have said before, we'll all get through this... hopefully with our sanity and sense of humor intact!

 

Hi everyone, Thank you so much for helping to remind me that I'm not crazy.. I do have a sitter that comes 1x a week and I go out that day even if I don't need to and even if there is stuff her that I need to do because otherwise I'd really go out of my mind. I just feel like i pay the price when I do go out because then there is even more work for me to do. I also do have my 3yo in daycare but its still stressful. I think this week again has just really gotten to me because of the kids being sick. thank you all so much for your support.
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so sorry, I only had the twins but the first six months was the hardest. At 6 months things started to get easier. They could sit up, DD could crawl, mine were sleepig through the night, would watch baby einsteins, could last longer on trips to the store. I hope it gets better for you soon. We all understand and would help if we were closer. IT is okay to be overwhelmed and need to vent at times.

 

I'm so sorry, I could have written your post word for word. When the twins came along our dd was 15.5 months old and life was beyond chaotic! We also had our boy twin in the hospital 2 times around the same age so I can sympathize there too. Its so hard when no one gets it and when you have no family to help you out. I have no answers just wanted to give you :hug:. You can do this!!! And if you get really overwhelmed maybe a call to your doctor would be beneficial, they could evaluate you for PPD if you think that may be a factor, they could maybe find you some extra community help as others have said, or just anything. And rant/vent away anytime!!! Its always good to know other mommas can sypathize and lend an ear.

 

Hi thank you, it does help to know I'm not alone. It is really hard.... :ibiggrin:

 

You ARE doing it!! :youcandoit:

MoM's are GIFTED...god doesnt give you more than you can handle (hell maybe he does) but you are handling it... get with a local MOM's group, go to the park let the toddler burn off some energy (maybe the twins will sleep?) or let them free crawl in the grass while you sit without a baby attached at the hip...

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :youcandoit:

 

We have a nanny on Wednesday's and Thursday's (we have had her since the boys were 4 weeks old!) at first she was just there to keep Chive entertained for the day while I fussed over the babies.
She also did washing/ cooked for Chive/ ironed the kids clothes while Chive was asleep. (a total life saver).

At about 6 months when they were awake/ happy for longer periods she would head to the park or take all three out for coffee while I re set my head/ had time to use the bathroom and do a little cleaning.

If possible I would recommend having a nanny/helper (even if it feels strange to have her here while you are there too!!)

Good work mum, sounds like your in the same boat as all of us here

 

*hug* I'm in the near same boat. 7 month old b/g twins and a 3 year old DS. We aren't going through the same issues you are, but I know how exhausting it can be to never get a chance to shower or pee in private. One thing I've really had to come to terms with is my 3 year old. I used to have really strict rules for TV watching. Only an hour a day. I've had to seriously revisit that. I hate to say that I let him watch TV. A lot. In my defense I only let him watch Nick Jr in the mornings because the shows are relatively educational and in the afternoon he watches PBS for the same reason. I feel awful that this is what it's come to but it's the only way I can keep everyone happy and taken care of.

I really hope things settle down for you soon.

 

I have the opposite of you-my twins are 3 and Annabella is 1. The boys were 19 months old when she was born. It is certainly tough. As they get older, it gets a bit easier. But man, do I have days where I would just love to run...and run...and RUN! We, as moms, need breaks. And being a SAHM doesn't make it any easier! The kids rely on us to do e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. It's exhausting!!! We are lucky in that we do have family nearby. However, I hate having to rely on them to always watch the kids. So, I asked a friend who has a daughter the same age as the boys, if she'd be interested in doing a babysitting swap. She was all for it! Is there anyone you could do that with? She has two kids(3 year old girl, and 5 month old boy) and I have the three. We will rotate weeks. I'll drop my kids off at her house and she will drop her kids off at my house.

:youcandoit: :youcandoit: And come here whenever to vent! I'd hate to go and search and see how many times I did! LOL! Just know there are plenty of parents on here who have been in your shoes, are still in your shoes, or about to jump in your shoes! You can get through this and we are here to help! :grouphug:

 

<HUG> we're in the same boat too! I say this because we have 3mo twins and 2.5yo boy. He is so hard to handle at times that we basically avoid one of us being home with all of them at the same time. Our toddler has a lot of tantrums, won't go down for naps, goes on rampages wrecking the house when he's bored, etc. So when I go back to work my hubbs is staying home with the twins and we're paying for daycare for our toddler. My hubbs is really great Dad who can handle the twins but I know if he had to manage all 3 of them he would go bonkers.

I just wanna know how you manage it all in the first place! Even if I'm left with the 3 of them for a short period I tend to panic. I keep thinking.... what if they're all 3 crying at the same time!!! I can't stand it when the twins go ballistic even if I know they're okay it's just hunger or wet diaper, etc. I want to be able to respond to them all and you can't when you have to do "mama triage".

And my hubby is really great at calming them down when they're crying but when it gets bad occasionally I've heard him barking at the babies. Like - "It's just a binky you wanted it a minute ago" or "I don't have breasts!" or something like that. He wears his stress on his sleeve and can't help expressing it. He told me he needs an outlet so his stress will go down. I dunno if that would help... I think nothing can keep the sound of a baby crying from stressing you out... that's what it's designed to do! LOL Basically I am much calmer around the babies during those stressful times but internalize my freaking out. We all process things differently I guess.

 

Hi everyone, I just want to thank you all for sharing with me your situations it helps so much. The babysitting swap is a great idea I do have a friend who lives close who has a 1 year old and a 3 year old. IN fact my daughter goes to school wiht her 3 year old and I think it would help if maybe he could come here on weekends a little because then my daugther wouldn't be so bored. I feel bad part of the problem is we just don' thave the time to spend with my daughter like we used to, but I'm goign to try to get her out more on weekends to the park or whatever. Dinner time is also the worst time of day, the babies always seem to end up screaming, and my oldest comes home all riled up from school and one of us is trying to get dinner ready. always a struggle.

 

You are not alone. I wish I had some great insight that could fix things for you, but I just wanted to let you know that I feel everything you do from time to time - sad, resentful, pressured from absolutely every angle. Hugs.