Ever been hurt on TS?

I have not been hurt on TS but I am from the camp that thinks it is asking for trouble to get wrapped up in online conversations if you know you are someone who cannot handle it. It is the reality of the online world. I prefer to be respectful and hopefully share as much insight as I gain from more experienced mothers. And I definitely don't mind some healthy, respectful debating. The moment someone is hurtful...well, I don't have too many extra minutes in my life to waste on that conversation. If you have been hurt and taken time to sort that out I commend you and am very sorry this has happened - it feels icky. If you have been hurt over and over then I would ask myself lots of questions...starting with, what am I getting out of this? However, I also think if you are getting hurt over and over then chances are you are probably not being the nicest yourself. That is usually the case and the only one that insists that isn't the case is the instigator. I was so happy I found Twinstuff when I was pregnant and it truly is my goal to give back what I received. In general this is a very calm site compared to most. And when there is "trouble" it is really a very small subset of posters going round in circles. It is not a reflection of the community. Of course that is my humble opinion. Thank you mommas!

 

I have never been deeply involved enough with this site to be hurt by comments. However, I have seen some pretty nasty and condescending comments over the years. It's sad and actually...very telling.

In general, people who are happy and content in their own lives...encourage and build up those around them...even strangers. However, people who have hidden pain seem to feel the need to cut others down....the "crabs". You don't have to put a lid on crabs in a pot....because the other crabs will pull the one trying to get out down. With regards to a site like this, you can debate and respond without being hurtful to others. Thankfully there are many members on this site that embrace this

 

I get a lot out of TS and while I can't say I have been hurt over and over again I have been hurt. I have been here several years though. I can't agree with your assumption that those that get hurt are being insensitive themselves. Sometimes it's what Debb-i shared. I agree with what you shared Debb-i

 

Debi - You hit is on the head! Good job!

Cheryl - Sometimes I think it is hard though for us to look inside ourselves and question how a discussion went awry. People are so defensive in nature and it isn't usually one-sided (one person picking at another for no reason)...both parties usually play a part in any escalation. And many times it is totally because of a misunderstanding or in the case of a forum, a miscommunication...literally. That's all I am saying.

 

Debbi just nailed it.. I have been on TS for over 5 years...I come for the parenting advice and sharing, not for the drama.

 

I am on the confused couch. :huh: Where in her post does it say anything about you? ardon:

 

Move over Michelle. I am on that couch right next to you. I agree I didn't see anything in the OP's post that was specific to anyone but I guess she saw herself in there somewhere.

 

I hope this is a sectional couch and another section can be added.

 

What happened to that pile-up emotion?

 

:huh: As in...Alison, Cheryl, and I piling up because we're confused and don't see where anything was directed to Rachael? ardon: And if not, what did you mean? ardon:

 

She's been annoyed at me for weeks and just in the last week commented on a post that she thought I was being mean, so at first it was a feeling I had. I thought I was being silly, but then she threw in that quote about being honest, and I'm the only person who said that. It's obvious to me that this post is at least in part motivated by her annoyance at me in particular. You don't see it? Fine. With all due respect, you haven't been a part of those conversations. I'm not a particularly delusional person, so I'm going to stick with my gut on this particular case.

That said, I know that people think I'm mean. And I fully admit that I can be snarky. But I hardly run around the site snarling at innocent new moms. I mostly debate in the Den, which is a different place. Beyond that, I'm generally only snarky at posts that are being cruel or insensitive to others. I don't get the thought that we should be able to come to TS and be vitriolic about our families or other moms or groups of people and not be told it's inappropriate. So yes, I tend to comment when I see nasty posts about handicapped kids or poor people or moms who do CIO, etc. I'm comfortable with my internal moral compass.

 

Actually, as soon as I read "just being honest" I immediately thought of Rachael. I haven't been part of whatever past threads she is referring to, so I don't know the history, but that quotation did immediately bring Rachael to mind.

eta: missing comma

 

Thanks Ruby. I may be totally wrong, but it's nice to know I'm not crazy.

 

Why is it a pile-up when they ask the same question and not when you, Kelly, Brandy and others join in airing your grievances (Festivus-style???) about TS and its mods? Is it only a pile-up when people you dislike happen to agree?

 

Rachael, for what it's worth, I have never thought you were mean. You have strong opinions (like many of us in the Den) and are not afraid to express them. You also don't mince words in doing so. I like and respect that. However, I have also seen you being kind and supportive to others on many occasions. Just felt like putting that out there. ardon: Calling it like you see it is not necessarily the same as being mean.

 

Thanks Kim.

It's fine really. I can handle a small group of people here thinking I'm a witch. I think most people here don't agree or actually (gasp) don't think I'm evil incarnate. I have my moments like everyone else, but I'm willing to admit that. Which is why a direct conversation generally works better for me. It's all fine really.

 

:laughing: ask yourself the same question

 

Meh, I'm not the one who accused people of a pile-up here. ardon: Asking an honest question about what you consider a pile-up =/= accusing you of a pile-up. I try not to dismiss things as "You're just saying that because you're [fill in the category]." As far as I'm concerned, vent away.

 

? I'm completely confused by this response.

And, FTR, I'm not sure where you ever got the impression I dislike the three members that asked the same question, I don't, and it had nothing to do with them personally. I was wondering how many were going to make the exact same comment before allowing the person in question a chance to respond. That's all. It apparently got quite a reaction, so I'm sorry it struck such a nerve.

ETA: And I'm really not quite sure why you brought Kelly or Brandy in to this discussion. Please feel free to PM me if we need to continue discussing the issues you have with me, I don't think it's appropriate here. Thanks.

 

Oh, OK. So you weren't calling it a pile-up that a three people had the same thought, you were only anticipating a pile-up, and "pile-up" is not dismissive or pejorative in your book. Thanks for clearing that up!

 

As a mod, aren't you supposed to be working to resolve issues, not keeping them going and going and going? Let it go and talk to her via PM as she requested.

Although can I say how much I love that Brandy has apparently joined the dark side? Way to go Brandy!

 

It's only a pile-up if you question/disagree with the "powers-that-be."

And Yay Brandy!!! :wub:

 

Can I add a pansy and a cross to my signature? LOL

 

Are you being serious? :unsure:

 

You know, you're quite right. Hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving.

 

Just saw this thread as I have had a REALLY busy few days...

Yes I have, and I am SO glad I have such amazing friends that have helped me through it.

 

I like to remember that everyone has different opinions and very strong ones sometimes. I am not a fan of people ganging up on others but that is how it is.

 

Nope. Never. Honestly! I like sharing my opinion and I like hearing the opinion of other individuals with similar life experiences. My life is too short to get offended by something I read on the internet. I cannot think of a single instance that offended me.