Ever been hurt on TS?

yes people post for opinions but that does not mean that they want or have to take every opinion given. People also can't post "please I don't want ABC's or XYZ's opinion here". That is a boundary.
The boundaries I was thinking about were if a person knows they do not share the same opinions, morals or beliefs (and no I am not talking about (just) religion) why continually post those opinions to those people. Why scold people for doing or not doing something the way (general) you would do it. Yes, every post is voluntary and put there to be replied to but it does not mean that everyone has to post their opinion especially if they know their opinion for/to some other members is not usually appreciated.

totally tired so I hope my post is understood/made sense.

 

There is always an ignore option.

 

:huh: the point of this thread was asking if people have been hurt. Yes, (I hope) we all know we can ignore those people who hurt us but that was not the point of this thread.

 

Oh God. Forget it.

 

:good:

 

And do you ever wonder why this was even told to you? What was the point? You aren't going to leave TS (it is a place you must enjoy if you keep coming back, no?) but now you have this info to do nothing with but feel bad about. I would question a friend who would tell me something like this when they know it would only hurt me. I'm sorry you were hurt.

 

I was referring to moderating vs. posting for pleasure. What I was trying to say in a roundabout way is that when it comes to moderating I try not to let my personal feelings about someone come into play. I care about lots of people on this site actually.

 

Wow.


I have have never been hurt. But lately I've been disappointed by things I've found out.

I sort of equate it to high school. There are the group of mean girls that rule the roost so to speak. They sit together in their private little club and snicker at others they deem less than them. They make fun of others and bully.
Those actions make me sad.
And it makes me sad that that others sit by and watch it happen and can't/don't stop it. (Those that do stand up get ganged up on and booted out pretty quickly.)

I do stick around because I find the age-forums helpful. Especially with potty training and whatnot. But even then I find myself wondering what's being said behind closed doors so to speak and if I should even bother contributing anymore.

 

ardon: I don't see anything wrong with what I said? It's an honest question... what was the point? Kelly seems honestly hurt.

 

Sometimes knowing something, even when it hurts you, is better than being unaware of others' meanness. At least, for me!

 

To each their own, I guess. ardon: I know not everyone in this world likes me and that's cool, but I don't need to know exactly what they think. That will only bring me down and life is too short to spend any of my energy on them.

 

To me it didn't seem genuine, but rather kind of snarky. Like, "Ha, you just can't stay away can you."

And I agree with Jori. I would rather know people's true colors than sit in oblivion. I'm not a "behind the back" sort of person. I'm upfront with people and expect the same. No, I don't expect everyone to like me, but I do except respect. Snickering because people come back to site that they once found a lot of support in isn't being up-front or respectful. It's just down right nasty.

 

I would say never hurt. Definitely annoyances here and there, but never hurt. It's the internet. Plain and simple.

And what I have found on TS is far and away more important than any annoyance. <3

 

Next time just ask because that was not it at all. I wouldn't add insult to injury... not my style.

Like I said, to each their own. I don't believe that everyone is out in the open. I've seen that not everyone is out in the open. So if you want that respect, you have to give it as well. (This is general, not towards you gina_leigh)

 

There is a person on here who has made it very clear she diagrees with school/education choices I have made for my kids. Every time I post a question or comment about my kids she always chimes in with the same opinion and I feel like she slams my choices over and over again. This annoys me more than hurts me but at least now I know she is going to comment with the same negative opinion so I ignore her. It is always worth it to post on TS despite her because I always get a ton of great useful opinions, too.

 

Ultimately this is the internet. People are primarily good but on occasion people misbehave. It's no different here than real llfe with the exception that we don't really know the person typing on the other end, only how that person chooses to represent themselves online. But people are people and as such have faults and do things that hurt others, whether intentional or not. Momentary hurt is probably inevitable for some. Like Bex, I have been a member at another online board which makes anything that has happened here look fairly tame, so I feel as if I have a tougher shell than some. Things which bother others don't always bother me. However, one thing that does bother me is a lack of empathy on anyone's part. I see it here, in politics, in real life, and I just don't understand it. Thinking about how the person on the other end feels before you hit 'Add Reply' is a good start. :good: I am also not a grudge holder because life is too short. Everyone makes mistakes so I try very hard not to keep a mental scoreboard going of the ways someone has hurt or upset me. If it's habitual, I may choose not to interact with that particular poster as much because I am also not a glutton for punishment, but I chalk it up to a difference in personalities and try to move on. I find it's mentally healthier than holding onto the anger or hurt.

 

We have these kinds of discussions all the time - would you want a friend to tell you you're husband is cheating? your son is on drugs? your daughter is the school slut? that you should update your '80s hair, no one really likes that signature casserole you keep bringing to everything, I'm concerned about you're drinking - especially when you're alone with your kids...

and so on, I think most people say they would like to know the truth

yes, this

it seems that some are here because they truly enjoy being part of TS despite it's downside, and others because they are entertained by being the downside

 

Husband cheating, son on drugs and my daughter being a slut are all things I could change for the better... what is Kelly going to do with this information. Something no one seems to answer. I don't want to know about my 80's hair or my casserole because if I like it, it's my thing. The drinking of course anyone would want help with.

In the end I would just say that if you want others to act a certain way (like not talk about you) I would suggest you do the same first. I feel horrible for Kelly... but at the same time, it's a pot meet kettle story going on here.

 

We all know exactly why you are arguing the side you are arguing here. Let's not pretend otherwise. Personally, I am a big believer in honesty. That probably hurts feelings, but at least I'm not hiding behind my status talking about people. I am exactly the same person in real life that I am here.

 

I wish I could give you 50pts for that!

I dont talk crap on people and I honestly could give a crap less if people on TS or any other forum are talking crap on me, if they are then they arent my friends and OH WELL!
I am interested in the people offering me support and that's what I want to contribute as well-if it has nothing to do with support and encouragement, I want nothing to do with it. I have too much else going on in my life to worry about that.
I love TS and have met some really great people here, amazing people.

 

Sounds like you are really only hearing one side, so why dont we just drop it?

 

:search: I don't think I was pretending or denying anything... show me where I had said otherwise. I do believe I was quite honest that no one in here is an angel when it comes to this stuff. And I'm sure you aren't honest all the time or you (and anyone else who claims to be such) wouldn't have a friend in this world...

 

So is there more than one side?

As for the pot/kettle comment, I will say what my mother taught me: two wrongs don't make a right. And from where I'm sitting, I only see the side where people are talking about others in a negative way when those people have no access to what's being said to even defend themselves.
That's very brave to talk about people when they can't even defend themselves. Isn't there a TOS about that regarding TC topics and the Den or something?

As for knowing the truth and being honest with people: I would rather know a person true colors earlier on. I figure most people show their true colors anyway. Sometimes it just takes longer.

This is just a website with words and pictures. But how many of us have felt relief from feeling understood regarding something with parenting? In First Year, connecting with other extremely sleep deprived moms and hearing from those who'd made it past that was very helpful for me. Getting encouragement and advice on different ways to handle things, seeing things from other people's perspective. Those are things that I found useful from this "just a website." Those feelings are real, just like the people on the end. I agree with Kim that we could all do better by remembering that from time to time. None of us are perfect.

So why sit behind closed doors and make fun of others? Just like the question was asked what will Kelly do with that knowledge? What does sitting there being spiteful do?

 

Gina-there are always two sides.

 

Just because Kelly's friend claims this does not mean it's true. As far as being able to defend oneself... is freethinkers an open forum? :nea:

And this is why I fell in love with this site and this is what I'm going to keep in my mind that this site is here for... support and advice. None of us are perfect and that's exactly why I don't do this whole calling out anyone when you (general again) know very well you have btdt.

 

I have never been hurt on TS. I have been enlightened, supported, entertained, amused, educated, riled up, but not hurt.

Chances are, that if you have been hurt on TS, you have probably done a little hurting yourself. What goes around, comes around. I also believe that sometimes, people use the guise of the Internet to treat people in a way that they would not in real life. Mean is mean, whether you are sitting behind a computer screen or not.

 

Hmm. I'm not the one who's been arguing about it for two days.

 

That's an odd thought--you have to lie to people to get them to be your friend? I really am honest almost all the time. I sometimes choose to say nothing, but when I speak I am honest. And I want my friends to be honest with me. And I've got like 3 times more of those ridiculous "appreciation points" than anyone else here at TS, so obviously I'm not a lone wolf in my thinking. I'm honest. If you don't want my opinion, don't post with questions. Or say, "I'm not looking for opinions." Or just hit ignore. Easy peasy.

 

Doesn't the majority just kick out the minority?

 

And I added to your points :good: I see they mean alot to you and what you need to feel accepted. I'm here to support you.

 

They do. Your approval means everything to me.

 

:hi: Youre welcome.

 

Nothing is said there that hasn't been said here.

My problem isn't that there are negative things being said. Hey, be honest! But bring it out in the open. Don't play nice in one thread and then make fun in another (private) thread.

 

But not just anyone can get on there to defend themselves. I guess I would like to know why you feel you deserve that respect when it's not given out? That's all.

With this, I'm done. You guys have proven that you all do the same because I've never "talked" to any of you on TS in my 4.5 years here and you have something with me... and that's okay. But I'm not going back and forth on this when I know how this all works... straight answers will not be given out here, so it's just wasting time.

 

It's open to anyone.

Unless you've been banned.