New mum feeling VERY overwhelmed

Hi there!

So my twins are 3 weeks old and this is the first week I have been on my own. Well, that isn't really true b/c I have had help so far but I am TERRIFIED to be alone! I do the morning feeding by myself when DH goes to work and it's enough to make me exhausted and bring me to tears! I have given up on nursing for a few reasons. 1- I don't have a good supply and it's just too much to feed them, top them up, pump, etc. Also, I cannot for the life of me figure out how to tandem feed - I have tried every single position I can think of (and some of my own) and nothing seems to work! It's frustrating for me and for them. So basically I am pumping and supplementing. So because of this, I am now trying to figure out how to double bottle feed!!! My little ones also just have minds of their own and they usually wake up at the same time but then randomly are an hour apart...and in the moment I prefer this b/c I can bond better with the one and move on to the next when I am ready...but I am paying the price with only getting 30-40 minutes of sleep at a time!!!

How do you do it? I know it's supposed to get better but for now I don't see how it can and am WAY too stressed out!

 

Ok, you are in the hardest time. Just keep chugging along and somehow get yourself through it cause it gets much much better. So just keep going like a zombie for now and know that this is only temporary. I promise you will get through this! :youcandoit:

I really recommend you either feed both at the same time (both in bouncies is a good way) or right after each other. That is the only way you will get any sleep.

 

I laid mine on their sides and propped their bottles. I know "they' recommend NOT doing this but I could feed both at the same time and still have a free hand. Also, I formula fed, I couldn't even imagine BF and pumping twins. That is just my opinion though. Weeks 3-6 was the worst for me, there was tons of crying, alot from me BUT it did get better.

 

You CAN do it. What I did and still do is layout a blanket on the floor in the living room. I propped them up with boppy and just burp one at a time. That way DS can come next to me and either play or sit next to me. Kill 3 birds in one stone. Feed the babies and spend them with DS.

 

Big hug!!! I know what you mean 'terrified' but you're their mom you can do it.

Feeding: you can put them on bed pop 2 pillows, feed them at the same time even you have to wake them up. You can put a small blanket or something under 1 bottle and hold another one. Then take turn to burp them. Or you can put them in bouncer seats, feed them at the same time

About breast feeding: I pump only. I used to pump before feeding and after to increase supply. And another reason, I knew exactly how much they ate and kept them in schedule. I still pump now. I know it is so so tough at the beginning. But it will get easy later on.breast milk helps boosting babies immune system and saves you big bucks.but its totally up to you. Breast feed, supplement, formula feed are all your options just pick one fits best

I recommend keep them on schedule. We was on 3hr schedule until 4 months.it worked best for us

About 'it will get easy' not yet. You expect it too soon mama! Hang in there.right now just find a way to survive!but it will get better.hugs!!!you can do it!!

 

My girls just turned 2 in October...so, we are all living proof that it can be done. Literally, I was paralyzed with fear to be left alone with mine too. I didn't eat, shower, watch t.v., move around too much or basically do ANYTHING because a)if they were napping I didn't want to wake them up because I couldn't imagine how I could deal with 2 crying hungry babies at one time and b)I was watching the clock the whole time praying for the hours to fly by so my husband would be back at home again and I wouldn't be alone with them.

This was literally the hardest time for me. But, you'll make it work. We had a bouncey seat and a swing. I would put the girls in one or the other and hold one and nurse or bottle feed pumped milk. If I was trying to just pump, I would put the girls in the swings and bouncy and get really close to them while I pumped so I could soothe/replace the paci/sing/whatever to occupy them until I was finished pumping. People say you are not supposed to prop the bottle in the babies mouth and people may flog me for saying this, but I did sometimes. I would just put one baby in the boppy with a bottle of pumped milk supported by a burp cloth and nurse/bottle feed the other one. Of course I watched the baby with the propped bottle closely to ensure that she didn't choke and would never leave the baby unattended. But, when it came right down to it, it worked for me when I no other options. If you need some lactation help or breastfeeding advice, you might also check out www.breastfeeding.com Most of the people there have singletons, but there is a forum for twins/tandem feeding. The women there have loads of advice about everything that pertains to breastfeeding/breastmilk and many are certified consultants. I would have lost my mind had I not happened upon that site.


The other thing I had to accept was that when I was alone, one of them may have had to cry a little bit until I could get them both settled or dealt with. It was just the fact of life, since I was by myself and it just wasn't humanly possible to do everything that needed to be done at the same time.

Lastly, I know that everyone's milk supply is different and it's easier said than done, but try to relax by taking some deep breaths as much as you can and drink plently of fluid to stay hydrated. Stress and worry can really deplete your supply. I was surprised to be pregnant at all, and with twins no less, had no idea about breastfeeding of any sort and was able to carry on with my twins until they were about 17 months old.

You can do it! If I did, ANYONE can.

 

I can't imagine any twin mom will flog ya!

Yes, propping can be dangerous. So it is really important that you stay right there with them if you choose to prop bottles in case they choke. And make sure their heads are elevated when propping (use bouncies, boppies, pillows or whatever).

 

You are in the HARDEST time for sure. I gave up on BFing quickly. I have no idea how people do it with twins. I pumped for months and months with DS and tried to do the same with the girls but I just couldn't manage the stress of pumping (for some reason I had more milk with DS then with the girls, go figure!), feeding, supplementing and taking care of my older one. It is ok to stop...you need to do what you have to stay sane and for me formula was the only option. People have very strong opinions on BFing but they are NOT you and as far as I'm concerned for my kids a healthy, sane mom who was getting at least a little sleep between feedings was the right choice.

I used to bottle feed mine at the same time...they always seemed to wake up starving together. I'll try to explain how I did it. I would put one in my lap with her head on my knees (knees elevated on a table or footrest) and then I would put the other over top of her legs with her head in the crook of my elbow. My left arm (which had the babies head in my elbow) would hold the bottle for the baby on my knees and my right arm would hold the bottle for the baby in my arms...does that make sense???? I wish I had a picture but I don't! I fed them together like this for a long time (until they got too big). I would alternate who was in my arms as they got a little more snuggling. I also always kept them on the same schedule (still do)...if one was hungry I fed both, if one woke up from a nap I woke the other one up. I found this was the only way to keep my sanity.

If you have anyone to come and give you a hand or even just come and hold a baby for an hour or two, call them! I still have trouble reaching out but it's important for you to stay healthy You can do this!!!!

 

3 weeks is tough.. they are still so floppy and it's hard to manage that on your own. I vaguely remember bf'ing one while giving the other a bottle while propped up in a bouncy chair or on a pillow. Then the next feed I would switch them up. Try nursing again every couple of weeks just to see how it goes. I know once mine got more head control it became a LOT easier to nurse. For the first 3 months or so I just remember being in a 3-4 hr feeding cycle and my days were just 4 hr cycles. Feed, change, play, swaddle, bed, down time, repeat. What got me through was planning what to do in the downtime. I would usually get a bit of reading done, check the internet, call a friend and when I was brave enough I ventured out of the house. Once I got over that hurdle, we were packing up the stroller just about every day and heading to the mall or whatever for a change of scenery and I think it saved my life! It certainly made my days shorter.

Get comfy with crying.. the sad reality is that you're going to hear a lot of it, and it just sucks to be a twin sometimes. And it's ok if you have a few tears too :lol:

 

Oh gosh - hang in there!!!

I agree with all the pp - bouncy chairs are great, we even used the car seats for feeding at that age. I agree 100% - I'd rather hold them and get some snuggle time in, but sometimes you just have to do it.

The other thing we did was wake them for feedings. We fed them every 3 hours around the clock for the first few months b/c they were a little early. If they were due to eat at noon and were both sleeping, I might start feeding one at 11:50 and hope the other would stay asleep for a little while. AND we started feeding them while they were still asleep! Slip the bottle in their mouths -- they'll start eating. It's instinct at that point.

Again - hang in there. It's a VERY hard time when they are that little!

 

I haven't posted before (been lurking for almost a year now!) but I just had to respond to this post. I know people always say "It gets better", but believe it to be true! I'm a first-time mom, my twins are 3 months old today and it has gotten SO MUCH BETTER! You will live through those first few weeks/months of absolute exhaustion, sleep deprivation, anxiety and fear and become a better woman for it. Most likely you'll have tons of tears, but you'll also have victories that will give you confidence. I know it seems like it's never going to get better, but it does. You can, and will do it! Many hugs to you. hugs hugs hugs.

Also, I second keeping them on the same schedule. Mine have been on the same 3hr schedule since the beginning and it's given me time to rest while they sleep. The one-on-one time is nice, and you will get time with each of them. I know it's difficult to rest, but when I felt like everything was going to fall apart, sometimes just 30mins of sleep helped me feel better.

 

I was so there. Crying every day. Afraid to pick up or hold a happy baby because I was afraid the other would need me. I would watch them sleep and be afraid of them waking up. By week 5-6, it got a LOT better. By 4 months it was so much better that my husband and I thought we were rock stars and had serious conversations about how we could totally have another set of twins (that passed too with walking ). Just be good to yourself for the next couple weeks. My only goal for us for the first three months was survival--for the first two that's all I think I managed! But it really does get better--and more quickly than you would anticipate. I'd really encourage you to get someone (husband, mom, paid help) to handle an overnight feeding or two so you can get a good 5-6 hour stretch of sleep.

 

I agree with all of this. My husband worked the night shift, so I handled nights alone...when he was off, he handled the night feedings. For solo feedings I used to prop them on boppy and prop the bottle up with a blanket. Sometimes I would strap them in their swings and sit in between them and hold a bottle in each hand. Hang in there, it does get better :hug:

 

Hugs. It's so hard in the beginning. You will get through this. Please don't be hard on yourself. I promise that it will all be a blur. Just get by the best you can!!

 

you can do this!!! and you can produce enough just pump pump pump1! If you do not want to put them on you its ok!! This is coming from some one who strictly piumps!! I prolly coul dhave wrote this post when my girls were that age!!! My girls are 7.5 months and never had frmula! Set a schedule that you can pump every 2.5-3 hours so you can build your supply.

AS far as feeding them get two boppie pillows one baby in each on on either side of you and hold both bottles. stop for both and burp one at a time! b4 u know it you will be able to burp both at the same time!

you can do this! dont get discouraged!!!! you will geet through! they are not judging you they love you!!! relax...sleep will come eventually!!

and try feeding at the same time! i t will give u more sleep and you will be alot more happier down the road to feed both and be done rather than feed one and feed the other!!

you CAN DO THIS!! we have all been there,,,,come and vent as much as you want! feel freee to PM me!!
***if you do not have boppies use thier car seats!! prolly bettter anways at that age. you can rest you arms on the car seats as you hold the bottles!

 

Oh my gosh, thank you everyone for your support, ideas and advice! I feel so much better already and am going to start experimenting! I know it takes time to figure things out, it's just so daunting at the very beginning! Today they are about 20 minutes off each other so one is still awake when the other one is ready to feed! So I'm starting with that and I think I'll make the time between less and less until they are on the same "schedule!"

I also feel so much better knowing there are many of you who also just pump and feed! I was starting to think I was lazy or something for giving up on nursing so soon. PS - I can't imagine burping two at a time, I didn't even know that was a possibility! Wow!!!

 

Oh now I remember the first few weeks....they were hell but I lived to tell the tale! And so will you! Everyday gets better and better. Trust me!

I fed both of my babies (formula fed) by putting a breast feeding pillow on either side of me, and holding the bottles for them. I got to have that eye contact with them and they felt all snuggly while being in the pillow.

Having twins is no joke, but its short term pain for long term gain! You can do it!!! :youcandoit:

 

Hi - my twins just turned 4 months and my husband and I were just 'remembering' the first 8 weeks. IT WAS HELL. It was so freakin' hard, I am amazed that we got through it. I hired help during the week because I was totally overwhelmed - tried to BF and ended up pumping for 5 weeks. I gave it up because I was driving myself BATTY trying to pump every 2.5-3 hrs while trying to catch SOME sleep and not fall apart emotionally. I switched to 100% formula and never looked back. It helped me regain some control over my life. The hired help was a HUGE help to me. I only had her 20 hrs per week while I was home on maternity leave, but it saved my life. Our family wasn't much help so I needed someone paid. On the weekends I was out of my mind - terrified that they would wake up together. I put them in boppy's on either side of me either on the floor or on the couch and tried to feed together, but more oftern than not, I ended up feeding them one after the other. I would always write down when they last fed and sometimes wake one up to feed right before I knew they would awaken. Then I could do the other one right afterwards. I seriously could not feed at the same time until closer to 8 weeks because of their head control. My husband ended up taking night shift which gave me 6 hrs of continuous sleep - what a Godsend. I would not have made it without him doing this. Now it's easier - still challenging in other ways, but much easier. hang in there - you can do this. You need to try to relax - I used to tell myself "They're only babies...what are you so afraid of?" Good luck!

 

yep...I was just where you are. Our girls are 3.5 months right now and I'd say within the last 3 weeks.....LIFE WITH THEM HAS CHANGED COMPLETELY! Things got so much better. Just like a light switch was turned on. When they were 3 weeks old I could not wait for them to be a little bigger! I understand where you are right now. We all do!

As for feeding. I have always, since day 1, made sure to feed them at the same time! If one baby wakes up to eat, the other one had no choice. I would go in and wake her up to eat. I breastfed until last week and it went well, but took so much time. I feel much more relaxed now that they get formula only. Just easier and they can do it at the same time. I couldn't tandem BF either...crazy!!! I always did one and then the other right after that. But right now, my girls sit in their bouncy seats and get their bottles propped most of the time...I usually try to hold one or the other, but with other kids sometimes it's easiest to prop them. Believe me, I still get my cuddle time. While they are in the bouncy seats, I just use a pillow to prop with. They seem comfortable with this.

Everything will get easier, but first you just have to keep pushing through it. Kind of like the last few weeks of our twin pregnancies....just get through that day and then the next day. It goes so fast. I cannot believe Karli and Tenli are 3.5 months already! But I'm glad they are because where you are is so hard! And it seems like all the "help" leaves when they are 2 weeks old and then you are left alone with 2 screaming babes. I felt like I was all alone inside a little bubble and everyone else was outside of it donig their own thing and here I was just "stuck". Even my husband wasn't in my bubble with me often because of work or whatever.

Now at 3.5 months, they are eating 5 oz bottles every 3 hours through the day. Staying awake for about and hour 1/2 or so. Napping for 1.5 hour between every feeding and laying down for those naps without a peep!!! YESSS! At night they are sleeping 12 hours (9:30-9:30). So...YES, it will get better. Just stick with your schedules for them both.

 

Hang in there, momma! You can do this, you are a twin mother! I haven't read the other replies you got and maybe someone already mentioned it, but what I used to tell myself whenever I was afraid to be alone with them was "the worst thing that can happen is both of them crying", SO WHAT? I'll help them as soon as possible. I'm doing the best I can and if what I am/have/do is not enough, there's nobody to blame. I'm outnumbered, that's all.