CIO with soothers

I know there have been lots of CIO questions lately (good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this) but I can't seem to find this issue. Both my girls take soothers...in order to truly do CIO should I be taking them away?

My girls have never been good sleepers but the last 2 months have gotten ridiculous. We started taking them into bed with us out of pure exhaustion and frustration and it seems to now be backfiring. It used to be they would come to bed around 4/4:30 but the other night one of them ended up sleeping with us starting at 10pm! I kind of enjoy having them in bed with me but DH and I really want to get away at some point and no one is going to be able to take them overnight if they can't sleep in their cribs.

What we've been doing is going in at increasing intervals calming them and giving them their soother back, so I guess it's the graduated method and not full-blown CIO. I kind of feel like we're spinning our wheels and if they can't learn to sleep without them we're going to have to keep revisiting this issue. If you've done CIO and your LO's had soothers how did you do it?

BTW, I HATE having to do this...I feel like a horrible mother but I am soooo tired and nothing else has worked. I just want to sleep!!!!!!

 

I wouldn't take away soothers, they are there to help. It is hard to do, I remember but what I kept telling myself and DH is "if we don't do it now we will have to do it later and it gets harder as the kids get older and more stubborn, more vocal, more able to throw a fit." plus look at all the time you would waste if it wsa done earlier. good luck

 

I agree - don't take away the soothies. We didn't. We did CIO at 8 months old - were in the same boat as you. We gave them their soothie and lovey - and off to bed they went. That first night, when they cried and we would normally go in and give them their paci, we didn't go in at all. We felt if we went in even to just pop the paci, that they would see us and it would be worse. it took one night. After that - a few weeks later, one of our boys started to cry again - and we actually went in a popped the paci in. It seems he needed that once during the night - and we felt that was acceptable at that point. We did that for a while, and now, he has stopped that on his own.

 

We didn't take away the soothers either. It was really the only thing at that point (about 8-9 months) that would help them calm themselves down at night. We took soothers away just a few weeks ago (at 17 months) because they were distracting the kids from sleep... they weren't sleeping because they were too busy worrying about where the soother was and throwing it to get our attention. So I'd sort of do it in stages... first, you just want them to learn to get to sleep without YOUR help. Next, when you're in a good routine take away the soothers and get them to figure out how to sleep without the soother help.

And whatever you do, don't waste your time feeling guilty over CIO. I remember someone saying to me when we did CIO that there are no proven negative consequences of letting your kids CIO, but there ARE proven consequences of lack of sleep. So you're doing a good thing making sure that you're all getting rest!

 

OK, I can let them keep the soothers . That makes me feel a bit better (except that they usually end up on the floor when they are crying!).

Our issue isn't at bedtime, it's in the middle of the night. They go down fine at bedtime (put in bed awake) and then wake up which is when we've been doing the soother patrol or just taking them in to sleep with us. The nightly wake-ups have been getting earlier and earlier and more frequent which is why DH and I are frustrated. Since it's the middle of the night what about going in once to give the soother and a back rub to let them know we love them and then not going back in?

I know I shouldn't feel guilty but it's all I can think of lying there listening to them cry...it doesn't help that our house is small and it sounds like there are at least 5 babies screaming instead of just 2! Thanks for the support!

 

I would definitely do just a brief visit in the middle of the night to make sure all is ok and let them get back to regularly scheduled screaming :lol: My kids would often go down well at night then wake 50 times at night wanting attention... they had me well trained to come and rock them. When I stopped giving into that, it took a few days for them to get the hint, but before long they weren't crying out when they woke up.

 

Awesome...so I'll gear myself up for the screaming . Your guys sound just like my girls...it used to be I would rock them, then as I got lazy and more exhausted, the screaming became a free ticket into our bed for all night snuggles (they certainly are smart little buggers!!!). I hope it gets better soon. Tonight will be night 3 but maybe with the modifications they will get the hint a lttle faster. At least I know my Mom is coming up for the day tomorrow so I'll have some help if the night is horrible!

 

We had prgress last night. Both girls slept without waking until 4:45. Then DD#1 started. DH went in gave her her soother and put her back to sleep (they've started standing up in their cribs as soon as they wake up). By 5:15 she was still crying and had woken up DD#2. At 5:45 they were both still crying so I called 'game over' and got them up for the day.

I am very happy they slept so well last night but now I feel like we're back to the beginning. The early morning wake-ups were how they started coming in to bed with us in the first place. We've been dealing with this issue for MONTHS (almost seems like since birth). Maybe I just need to be tougher and not go in at all when they start waking up betweem 4am and 5am. I am happy they slept all night in their own beds but I hate going back to having my days start so early...at least when they were in bed with us they would usually stay asleep until 5:30 or 6am. Urggghhh! :headbang:

 

Yay for progress! But boo for 5:45 am. :lol:

Probably in a few weeks once their sleeping is more solid you can just set an arbitrary wake up time. At about 11 -12 months I just stopped going in the twins room before 7 am and somehow they managed to figure out how to sleep that long or they'd just get up and babble.

 

What time is bedtime?

 

I was up again at 4:45 this morning but with DD#2, this time (yesterday it was DD#1). She ended up being very stuffed up and might be starting another cold so that's what I'm blaming They are also both teething which doesn't help matters. The good news is they slept all night without waking; DD#1 slept from 7:30 until close to 6am and DD#2 7:30 until 4:45.

We actually put them to bed later last night (7:30 vs 7) because they had a 3 HOUR nap in the afternoon. I ended up opening their door at 4:15 to try to rouse them! They are usually up from their nap between 3 and 3:30 so the weren't super tired at 7pm. DS slept for almost 4 hours in the afternoon too so I had a nice break It was a cold, dark, rainy afternoon here so I guess it was perfect for napping!

Jen, I know you are a big believer in early bedtimes so I'm going to give this schedule a couple of weeks and if they still aren't sleeping past 4:45ish I'll start putting them to bed earlier and see if that helps...to be honest it's the one thing I haven't tried in fear of having to get up even earlier!!!

 

I'd try bedtime around 6:30 or so.. when mine were that young we were in bed by 6 pm sharp and slept til 6:30 am.. We did 6 pm bedtime til 18 months old! Early to bed, later to rise.. Good luck!! Waking early is no fun.

 

I'm trying to set a "wake up time" of 6am and have decided not to go in before that time. There has been lots of crying...this morning they actually slept until 5am and then cried until I went in. I am hoping this eventually works! I might have to try the early bedtime too...seems like it works for lots of people, it just seems soooo counterintuitive!!!

 

Try it! You have nothing to lose really.. if you're getting up early anyway at least you'll have a couple hours to yourself at night.

 

We put them to bed at 6:30 last night because they seemed exhausted (which didn't make sense to me since they had another huge nap in the afternoon and a decent one in the am). They woke briefly at 4am...and then went back to sleep until 6!!!!!!! Maybe there really is something to this early to bed theory My son was happy about the girls going to bed early too since he got extra alone time with us before his bedtime so everyone wins!

 

Yes!! Yay!

It REALLY is a proven theory! Sleep begets sleep! The deeper they sleep, the longer they will sleep which is why they will sleep LONGER!!

Keep it up!!

 

That's great! I'll be you were nervous at 4 am though :laughing: Glad that they slept a little later this morning.. hopefully it continues