What am I doing wrong?!?!?!

I have no idea what i'm doing wrong. I give Olivia her bottle at night, put her to bed and she screams! I let her scream it out for about 20 minutes, and she is still screaming. I go in rock her, console her, try and give her a little more milk, rock her again. I put her down, she screams for another 20 minutes, I go back in and rock her, console her, put her back down and she screams some more! I then have to bring her out of her room because I have a 2 year old that I have had to plunk down infront of Dora. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!?!?! This last hour before my DS1 goes to bed is supposed to be us time and she is totally invading it. I can't stand it anymore!!! :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

Please, what can I do?!

 

Dumb question...but is she tired? When you rock her does she go back to sleep and then wake when you put her down? If she is you might just have to do full blown CIO and not go in at all..we had to do that with JT. If you don't want to CIO maybe try not picking her up but just give her a hug and kiss and say good night and leave.

 

She is tired, but she is fighting me rocking her. I am having to restrain her from fighting me. I let her CIO for a total of 40 minutes without going in there and she was still screaming. How long do I have to let her CIO? We did the CIO for their 3am waking but it was only about 10 minutes of crying....nothing like this 40 minutes.

 

Hmmm...is she still hungry? I know sometimes a little more milk, and all was right with the world!

Now sometimes, with Annabella, she wouldn't go down right away. Like tonight. So I pick her back up and I talk to her. I tell her it's night-night time, I'm going to sing one song, and then it's bedtime. Have you tried explaining(I know she's little!) what is going to be happening? I sang a made up song to her(It's time to sleep...it's time to sleep...), walked over to her crib, showed her her bear, she smiled, and laid down.

Or sometimes I pick her back up, hold her like an infant again, and gently pat her back, shush, and lay her back down-telling her it's time for bed.

 

I hate this. These are all wonderful suggestions, and all of which I have tried. I have given her more milk, some cheerios and pears, sang her a song, rocked her (which I have never done before) given her some tylenol, and told her it was night night time and we all need to go to sleep. Its an hour and half past her bedtime and she is still crying.

 

Hmmm....she may just be waiting for you to come in and rescue her! She's a smart cookie! It seems to me-you may need to do CIO. She is expecting you to pick her up, console her, feed her, sing to her, rock her, etc etc. So she is crying-because mommy always comes.

In terms of CIO, my boys cried for 45 minutes the first night we did it(and last night). I left the house-dh was home and I went to the mall. At night, they say as long as it takes I believe. During naptime, they say one hour. Is there a way you could occupy yourself-play with the older son that is awake? Do laundry? Anything? You know she is safe, fed, clean/dry etc...it sounds like she is playing a game! I know how hard it is. You might have to try CIO again with her. She will get it eventually! I think you going in is just making it worse. :grouphug: It's not easy! Big hugs to you!!

 

Having a chronic "bad" sleeper myself, I would have to agree that it seems like a behavior. There is no length of time for CIO for bedtime, she needs to cry as long as it takes to fall asleep. By going in there after 20 minutes of crying, you are teaching her that all she has to do to get her way is cry for 20 minutes and then you will come it. A true CIO technique is to just do your bedtime routine, say good night, and not go in again no matter what. Even if she cries an hour the first time, when you don't eventually come in, her future crying will be dramatically less. That being said, I know it's tough, at that age I was definately in tears for CIO nights... good luck!

 

Ditto the previous 2 posters! JT only cried for 20 mins the longest I think and I took a lonnnnngggg shower while DH went in the basement and tinkered with his guns (<--wow that sounds bad!) to tune out the crying! Its horrible but I assure the pay off of having a baby who is able to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own is so valuable!

 

We have been through a couple of bouts with this with Zoe at 11 mos and about 17 mos. We were exhausted for two nights before we literally couldn't get her and she cried for a while - probably 30 mins - then went to sleep. I mean, I would rule out ear infection, bad teething, etc. But after that it seems behavioral. Although, it well may be a phase of separation anxiety...this is common to occur at night. If you keep going in it is only going to get harder probably. I know when this has happened and I have made my mind up I am putting a stop to it, I would still go in just a couple times to say I was there and loved her, then I left right away. I literally wore her out! Zoe has had issues with night terrors early on, and more recently separation anxiety and nightmares. So I am cautious with her but firm.

 

Have you tried putting her to bed earlier?? She may be OVER tired when you start the process and then by the time she screams etc she is so overtired she just can't handle it.

I wish I'd figured that out with my older kids...would have saved a LOT of crying I think.

 

I was just thinking overtired too.. maybe you could try starting bedtime just 1/2 hr earlier and see how it goes? If that doesn't solve things I would definitely do CIO.

 

Henry went through a separation anxiety phase around 11 months and he had a hard time with going to sleep. I would try filling her up and setting up a routine. It will take a few days but once she gets comfortable with what is coming next, she will be happier. Also, I would only rock her for fun, not to make her sleepy. Put her to bed awake but drowsy.

 

Thanks so much girls!!!! She finally went to sleep on her own after about 10 minutes of crying (but she was 2 hours over her bedtime). It was a tough night and it was stressing me out big time! I do the nights all by myself every night, so I guess its just finally getting to me. I also don't get any "me" time out of the house without the kids....so I'm sure I was just having a full on emotional/mental breakdown while dealing whith this, which just made it seem worse.

Its funny, because we have NEVER rocked our kids. So, to have to rock her all of a sudden has been just out of the norm and I personally don't think that she should need to be rocked at this age. Just boggles my mind.

I will try an earlier bedtime routine tonight and see if that helps much. My only worry is that I most likely have the same issue because she only had one nap today from 11:30am-2:30pm. So, I'm sure she will be ready for bed (go figure!).

But, really, thank you all for your ideas and support! Its greatly apreciated!

 

If I might chime in here .. does she cry as soon as you set her down .. or does she wait until you leave ? Mine used to cry as I left the room .. so I started sitting in their room until they fell asleep and each night I went further and further toward the door. Eventually (about 2 weeks) I was able to set them down and walk out. I couldn't believe it worked (Super Nanny) but it did !
Good luck !

 

I might have to try that the next time she does it (could very well be tonight). Everyone is going to think that i'm a terrible mommy when I say this, but I put them to bed with their bottle :blush:
So, after she drinks her bottle that is when she starts to crank up. Not every night though...thats what is frustration. But I will totally try this!

Its just tough because I have a 2 year old that is still awake while i'm trying to get my son down and I don't have anyone to watch him while i'm doing this. How long were you in their room for before they fell asleep?

 

In varied each night .. but I pretty much knew when they were tired enough to sleep. Mine had bottles too .. I know everyone gets told how bad it is .. but it was the only way they would go down. Mine were night owls and didn't go down for the night until after 9.
Have you ever thought of maybe getting the 2 year old down first ?

 

oh hun do I feel ya on that one. My hubby is gone for 25 days at a time, home for 3....nights are mine all mine. And before he started that schedule he was home, but worked night shifts so I was still on my own at night....the emotions don't help the frustration - and we just want them to go to bed so we can have some 'me' time and the more anxious we are, the more it seems to backfire....