Getting the spice back in my life

DH and I are in a rut. That's all there is too it. Our 8 month old DD's, bless their hearts, take everything out of us. At the end of the day I am so tired that by the time they go to bed I'm ready to go too. I'm lucky if I make it to 9pm. We live away from family and don't have a readily available babysitter and haven't been out together since May and let's not even begin to talk about the bedroom. Sorry if that's TMI. I don't know what to do and I certainly don't know how to find the time OR energy for us to do something fun together. Anything fun would be good. I would settle for taking a walk at this point. His birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I'm PRAYING we can locate a sitter so we can go out to dinner together. Other than that, we have a couple holiday events to look forward to since we will be at his mother's house and she can watch the babies. Anyone else feel like this?

 

OMG yes! When the girls go to bed, it is so hard not to crash myself. My DH has taken to writing his name on my to do list.

Do your LOs sleep all night? If so, maybe you have a good friend who could stay with them after bedtime so the two of you could go for a short dinner. My MIL did that for us when the girls were 4 months. We were gone only an hour, but it was a nice hour.

 

YOU ARE not alone. HONESTLY you are not alone. We felt the same way and to be honest many nights I STILL feel that way. I'm just pooped and my babes do sleep through the night. You have to have some "you" time and "couple" time. It is SOOO important so that you feel somewhat human. Is there anyone you would trust to come by and even sit with the sleeping babes, so you and DH can take a walk. We do that several nights a week and it keeps us sane and connected, not to mention my butt somewhat in check as I am still not formally exercising :laughing:

Good luck

 

Definitly not alone! I'm so exhausted at the end of the day and yes mine do sttn, our bedroom is definitly lacking in fun and I feel terrible about it!

 

I feel like I don't exist anymore. I just watch kids 24/7 with zero break. Heck, its even worse on days like today when they don't sleep....so seriously, NO break! I agree with "me" time and "couple" time being very important. We get a lot of couple time, but I get no me time. The only me time is when I'm sleeping. My guys sttn, but it doesn't help, they suck the life out of me and by bedtime I'm no good to anyone.

 

I just posted a very similar post! :drinks:

We are in a similar situation. And things aren't great.

Like PP I feel like bubs are sucking the life right out of me. Everything takes so much time and energy and I can't see it getting any better any time soon.
My 2 DON'T STTN and even on nights whwere I get more than 2 hrs in one go, I wake up exhausted.
The house still has to run, the other kids still need looking after, babies still are babies lol.

My 2 are bf so I can't be away from them for long and because the running of our house depends on routines, we can't leave them with anyone. Really, it's alot to ask of someone to look after 2 babies at the same time. As twin moms, we are used to it, but it's a daunting thing if you've never done it before!!!

How long is too long between 'alone time' in your house? :blush: :blush: :blush:

 

It is so hard to do anything but take care of the twins, isn't it? I had no energy for my friends, family, husband... or myself. I still don't but things do get better. Make an effort to find a babysitter... or a neighbor, or bribe a friend if your kids STTN, then you can get someone over after they go to bed! Make it for a day when you and your husband can get up with them together the next morning (or better yet, he gets up with them!) Even getting out for an hour or two can make all the difference. And also get out by yourself once in a while.. no matter how tired you feel just force yourself to get out and away and be you for a while.

The first year sucks in a lot of ways.. and this is one of them. But it does get better, I promise.

 

Thanks for all the nice comments and advice. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone in this. DD1 sleeps through the night, but DD2 still wakes up 3-4 times for her pacifier or b/c her arm has fallen asleep b/c she sleeps w/ her head on it! Our neighbor has offered to watch the girls, but I've been hesitant b/c she has no children and has no experience w/ kids. We haven't lived where we are very long so I don't know many people and my MIL lives about 2 hours away. She is great when we go visit. We can get out for a couple hours to go shopping or eat or visit w/ friends. I hate to complain about anything b/c I worked so hard to get pregnant and then to be blessed w/ 2 was just a real miracle. We've been so lucky w/ their health and development that a little rut shouldn't bother me. But, it does.

 

I feel the same way! I am exhausted by dinner time and count the mintues until bedtime. My girls are not STTN so that doesn't help matters and DS is often up as well. I force myself to stay up until 8:30 so DH and I can have a little time together after all the kids are in bed but often I'm in bed earlier (DS usually isn't even asleep yet!). We're at month 10 and lately I feel like things have gotten more difficult (with the crawling and the climbing and the snowsuits, etc, not to mention that 3 appears to be WAY worse than 2 as DS is giving me a run for my money lately)...everyone keeps telling me the first year sucks but are things really going to change that much 2 months from now? I hope so!!!!!

 

Would you feel comfortable just letting her "house and baby sit" while the kids are sleeping? Even if she has no experience, she could just stay in the house and could ALWAYS call you if they woke and need you to come back home. I would pick the block of time they normally sleep the best (i.e. right when they go to bed) and then rush out as soon as they are asleep.

That way you can get some alone time and at the same time, you will feel more comfortable with your neighbor being there.

Will that work for you?

 

I have considered doing that and will probably end up calling on her for my DH's b-day. I don't think sitting w/ them while they sleep will be a problem. I just don't want them to freak out if they wake up for whatever reason and a stranger comes in to soothe them!

 

We broke in our babysitters this way- she'd come over to meet them about 1/2 hour before they went to bed. DH & I put them to bed (nursed); then immediately left. We'd be back within 3 or 4 hours and it is FREAKING fantastic! Even if she has no experience with babies, you just give her the drill- he should sleep no problem, unwedge her arm. As tough as babies are for you 24/7, you are really just wanting her to get them out in case of fire. I never expected a 15 year old to deal with sickness, teething or my laundry. For the first 4 or 5 months this is what we did probably once a month. It's just now where I feel comfortable enough to leave during the awake times and let them handle an hour or two.

:youcandoit: It's very natural to be in a rut. Call that woman today for this weekend & have something to look forward to with your DH! You will NOT regret it!

Also, we found a babysitter through our infant swim class- she's a lifeguard and a college student. We don't know anybody, either, but when we did that class I took a chance and asked if she did sitting on the side. Our other source has been the list of teens at our church who want to babysit your kids. They've been great, too.

 

Could you ask your neighbor to come over with a friend? We've been out of the house four times so far, never longer than 3 hours, but each time was great. When we've gone out the babies were either with both grandparents, one grandma and a friend, or two friends. We don't live near our family either, but we went out for a short time when they came for a weekend visit. Maybe it will make you feel more secure leaving them with two people in the house.