Feeding Dilemma

Hello!

I am new to this particular forum - my twins, Grayson and Paige were born October 22! Afterwards I went into congestive heart failure (very scary) and spent 4 days in intensive care. During that time my babies were fed formula, and as a result of the trauma on my body, I am weak and my milk is not coming in. I have been trying to alternate the breast and formula at each feeding for each baby. However, the baby that gets the breast usually spends 15-20 minutes on each breast and still needs at least 25-30 ml of formula so I feel like I'm wasting my time. At this point, I am thinking it would just be easier to stick to formula but I feel like people will judge me and that I am letting my babies down. It's beyond stressful for me and I know it's my decision but I just can't decide what to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Especially from those of you who do both or who exclusively formula feed!

Thank you everyone!!

 

First, CONGRATULATIONS on the twins and welcome to the First Year.

I'm so sorry you went though that but so happy that you recovered and are doing so well!

I can't really comment about breastfeeding because I was not able to so it was formula from the moment they were born until 12 months. I didn't have any, or at least notice any, stigma about using formula as opposed to breast milk. I can see how you would feel that way though, letting them down because you can't provide that to them.

Look at it this way, although you may not be able to provide them breast milk you ARE able to provide them nutrition from formula feeding. So, you are still providing for your babies and in no way whatsoever are you letting ANYONE down by doing so.

Try not to be so hard on yourself, even though I know it's hard. You have to do what is not only best for those beautiful babies but what is best for you also.

Trust me, on a strictly formula based diet you're little one's will grow up nice and big just like if they were on breast milk.

:grouphug:

 

If you want to breastfeed, there's no reason why you can't. You may need to spend some time working with an LC, pumping and working on your supply, but I still think it's doable. The key is to put the babies on the breast as often as possible, and try to pump afterwards. And, remember, even a little bit of BM is good for them!

 

Congrats!!!

Please do not make a decision based on what other people think!!! It is not their business how you feed your kids. :headbang: :headbang:

There are a lot of happy, healthy formula fed babies on this board Formula feeding in a first world country is a perfectly healthy, safe option.

You have been through a LOT. Personally, I would forget about bf'ing and just use formula. A happy mommy makes for happy babies But if bf'ing is what you want, then definitely talk to an LC.

 

True but it's not necessary. Formula fed babies are just as healthy and millions of woman formula feed their babies. Like I mentioned before, mine were formula fed from the first feeding on and they have NEVER gotten an ear infection, cold, anything like that. Their immunities are fantastic!

Personally, I think this response just adds to the stigma and debate over BM and formula fed babies.

 

With all due respect (and I really don't want to get into a debate), it's a well known accepted fact that breastmilk is the first choice in infant nutrition. It's human milk designed for human babies. It's great that we have access to formula, and every woman has the right to choose, but I also believe in supporting women who want to breastfeed.

I don't think the OP should spend a minute worrying about stigma, and I'd hope that as mothers we would support her irregardless of her choice. But, she asked if she could still BF, and I responded with what I thought was helpful and supportive advice.

 

Well said. I just didn't want the OP to feel like she *needed* to breastfeed because that's what the baby needs or experts say is best. If you can't produce enough milk/can't do it for medical reasons/etc. we as Mother's should support all decisions and not hold it against someone or make them feel bad if they can't do it (and I am not directing this towards you as I also do not want to start something because that would take away from the original question and I by no means what that to happen). I was just trying to make both sides open so that the OP didn't feel pushed one way or another.

 

Welcome!! Congrats on your new babies! It's great you are trying bfing! If its what you want then stick with it and it will get easier with lots of hard work but don't let people judge you if you decide to stop and give formula. Sounds like you are doing a great job alternating right now and I'm sure your babies' bellies are nice and full which is the most important thing!

 

Our boys are adopted, so bf'ing was not an option for me. But it sounds to me like you are really stressed about the whole process. While I agree bf'ing is ideal IF it is an option, if you are stressed about it, that is not helping you or your babies. IMO, the babies are going to be better off with a happy, relaxed mommy feeding them formula than a stressed mommy trying to bf and not feeling good about it. I would say try a lactation consultant first (if you haven't already) and if that doesn't help, formula feed.

 

Just so you know, breastfeeding can be hard for a lot of women, even women whose milk came in right away. It takes some work but it can be very rewarding in the end.

Mine get formula, boob, and EBM. I just take it one day at a time. However they ate that day didn't matter as long as their bellies were well fed at the end of the day. If you do want to keep nursing, just do what you're doing and get through one day at a time.

 

Just remember that the best decisions we make as parents are ones that lead to what's best for the babies.. sometimes that's taking care of yourself first so that you can take care of everyone else. You've been through a lot physically, so I don't think that anyone would blame you for choosing formula. That being said, you sound pretty committed to bf'ing, which is terrific! I would consult lacation consultant ASAP and get some medical advice on how to increase your supply... it may take a while to get into it given all you've been through, but there are medications that can help too. At least if you consult a LC you'll have more information to make a decision. Hang in there mama, you're doing great... :grouphug:

 

Breastfeeding is best - formula is 2nd best - and since when was 2nd best bad I had a lot of similar stress about BFing. It didn't come easy for me. I worked very hard at it - as a pp said, I was BFing and then pumping afterwards to increase my milk supply. I was supplementing with formula because I wasn't making enough to solely BF. Once my milk supply was up, i thought that I could stop pumping, because it was so exhausting. But, once i stopped pumping, my milk supply went down. After about 10 weeks, I went to strictly formula. I loved BFing and wish I could continue, but when I went to formula only, all of the stress I had lifted. I was so much more relaxed and could get more rest. My body began to recoop.

So in short - you have to do what is best for you. If you want to try and continue to BF - as a pp mentioned, you could get the help of a LC - support group - to try and help. And remember, just because BF is best doesn't mean that formula is bad. It's just different. GL!

 

Hi there.... I'd also like to say that I'm so happy to hear that you are doing well after such a terrifying experience.

My twins are 8 wks as of yesterday. From birth to 5wks, I bf exclusively with no pumping. At around 5 wks I felt that my babies were hungry after each feeding. For a few days I pumped every 3-4 hours around the clock to see how much milk I was really making and just fed it to them in the bottle. After doing that for a week, I decided that the best thing for me to do for my family (and my sanity) was to supplement. I still pump and feed them at the breast, but during the day I pump every 4 hours. At night I don't pump, but I do feed them both on the breast in between and sometimes after formula feedings. I think my babes are getting about 50/50, breast milk and formula. Some days they get a little more formula. This system is working for me and I plan on continuing to do it for as long as it works for my family. Somewhere along the way I just had to stop putting tons of extra pressure on myself to breastfeed exclusively.

The important thing I would want to tell you is that there is no "one size fits all" for us. I feel like I have a love affair with my pump. For me personally, my lifestyle just doesn't allow me to feed from the breast all day. I hope you will find something that works for you and be confident that the decision you made is the best one for you and your family. It's clear that the experts favor breastfeeding, but I have found my babies to be thriving on both.

I wish you luck with your decision. In time, I'm sure you'll be confident that it was the best decision for you. Take care!

 

Hi, I have BF three kids and FF two kids. What other people have thought or felt about that is up to them. I made my decisions based on what suited me and my family for each child. Decide what you want to do and get the best information possible to support you in that decision. I have five healthy happy children because they have a healthy happy mother and that at the end of the day is what is best for them!!! Good luck with your decision.

 

I haven't read all of the responses to this post beyond the first three or so.

I do have to agree with some and disagree with others and say that : BREAST is not equal to formula. It's not an insult to Mommies that feed formula, but I don't think that you can argue that the milk that your body makes and is intended for the baby is in any way equal or lesser to formula made from other ingredients.

Seems like studies are clear, and I agree. Breast is not only "best", but more over and more importantly, it's "normal".

That being said. Especially twins, I think that there is a fine and delicate balance between what is best, and what works. If you can BF and work with a lactation consulant to do so even partially I would do it! Breast feeding my kiddos has been honestly one of the most amazing and rewarding experiences of my life. It was ROUGH in the beginning, but I knew that I had the determination and we made it work. I am already at 11 months old mourning the thought of them weaning at some point in the future.

I think you owe it to yourself and your little babies to at least give it your best shot. It it doesn't work for whatever reason, then it doesn't, but don't give up just because they've had formula up til now and your milk is having a tough time and is coming in slowly. Your body is an AMAZING thing and it is designed to feed your babies! You can do it!

 

:hug: what a terrifying experience! i am so glad that you came through all right & are here to hold & cuddle & love on your babies. :hug:

i agree with those who have said that if you really want to BF, you can. it will take a huge commitment & a lot of hard work, but if it's what YOU want, then find the support & information you need & go for it! if you'd like to nurse sometimes & formula feed other times, than that's so totally cool too. BFing doesn't have to be all or nothing, and breast milk is a lovely thing in any quantity. if you decide to do this, come check us out in the BFing forum - there are lots of ladies who have done all combinations of nursing, pumping, EBM, formula, standing on their heads, whatever. we'll be happy to support & cheer you on.

and if YOU want to formula feed, for whatever reason (medical, personal, emotional, because you just don't feel like BFing darn it!), than that's totally cool also.

i'll let you in on a little secret - the vast majority of mothers, at some point or another, feel judged by others no matter what choices they make. so, forget about what others think or feel about you & yours - it's your life, your body, your babies. do what is right, for you.

 

Congrats!! My kids were 32w1d. The first drops of milk was formula. My milk didn't come on time. They were in nicu for 3 weeks.I pumped for them around the clock. The hospital was pushing hard on breast feeding which I was glad.it was tough but worth it.I am still pumping and do supplement now. Don't pressure yourself too much. Do whatever best for your kids and you.it was hard at the beginning but I am glad I sticked with it. I work full time now so I pump 4x/day. My kids have solid food already, but they still have 2 formula bottles/day. Its ok though. Everyone and I thought I wouldn't have gone this far, but here I'm still pumping for them everyday. Sometimes my supply drops because I don't pump often, but then I work a bit harder next day and my supply is back.one more thing, since I came back to work, I produce more milk. I get I just stopped pressure myself how much ebm my kids should get. One drop is better than 0.you can do it!!!

I know another set of twins (older than ours) they are formula babies. They are big and healthy.

 

If you want to keep trying breastmilk, please investigate a supplemental nursing system (SNS, or Lact-Aid). It allows you to feed formula at the same time as you are nursing...it may save your sanity. In fact, on another forum I am on, a twin mom was still nursing plus using the SNS at 14 months...

 

I agree that you should do what is best for you. As long as your babies get the proper nutrition any decision will be the right one. The right decision will be the one that is best for you and your family. A sane mommy makes for a happy family.

My boys got formula in the hospital. I started to pump in the hospital to help my milk come in (c-section at 34 weeks). I supplemented with formula, breastfed, and pumped for the first 4 or 5 weeks, then I quit breastfeeding. It was too difficult and I found it too painful. Maybe I gave up to soon but I knew that I would be going back to work after 12 weeks and figured it would just be easier to start with bottles earlier. 8+ months later I am still feeding my boys just breastmilk. They get formula about once every 2 months when my supply drops for various reasons.

I feel no guilt giving them formula.

Good luck with your decision.

 

Even though you had a rough 4 days, your babies are just a week old! Studies have shown that what you do in the first 14 days are what sets you up for success or failure. If you want to nurse your babies, nows the time to give it your all!
As others have suggested a SNS would be fantastic. You could give them the extra calories they need while stimulating your breast to make more milk. Frequency of nipple stimulation is the big key at this time. Babies normally nurse 8-12x in a 24 hour period.
Working with a lactation consultant would be advisable.

there are several reasons to breastfeed:
its healthier, cheaper, it doesn't spoil, lowers YOUR risk of breast/ovarian cancer, helps you shed those extra pounds, lowers the babies risk of allergies, diabetes, obesity, increases their IQ, less chance of ear infections, respiratory illnesses, builds a stronger immune system, even a TSP gives the baby 3,000,000,000 germ fighting cells.

Perhaps you could look up your local La leche league for support as well

 

I breastfed exclusively for 7 months before switching to formula. I was determined before the girls were born to breastfeed and refused to give up. However, I am not a breastfeeding advocate. I do not believe that there is a negative effect that comes from formula feeding and that there should be no guilt associated with choosing to formula feed your babies. I was shocked while breastfeeding at how many people were actually surprised to see me breastfeeding twins so I wouldn't be comcerned with people placing judgement on you for not doing so, especially in your special circumstance. Everytime someone posts a breastfeeding question on here, somehow it always ends up being a debate which only confuses the person asking the question more during a difficult and stressful time. What's important is that you make a decision that is best for you and your little ones which can be either breast of formula. This isn't a black and white issue. I will say that if you choose to try breastfeeding for longer, it is possible. Definitely work with a lactation nurse (mine saved my nipples and my sanity) and make sure your family understand your decision and do their best to support you. Congratulations on your new little ones

 

Don't forget breastfeeding can actually be easier than formula feeding in lots of ways. I know most people see it as difficult because it often is hard in the beginning, which is true. However I just wanted to point this out because it is cheaper (free!), quicker (no heating of bottles, mixing, etc,), and yummier (ask any breastfed baby LOL). I am currently breastfeeding my twins about half the time and formula feeding the rest. My husband does most of the bottle feeding but I do as well if my boobs are empty. It is SO NICE in the middle of the night when one (or both!) of them wakes up hungry and goes ballistic to be able to latch them onto a boob... fastest way to stop the crying! Even if it's just for a few minutes while hubby makes a bottle it's a sanity-saver! Most of the time I will BF my son at night and DH bottle feeds my daughter - or visa versa. Works great for middle of the night feeds. Good luck with everything

 

So does proper diet and exercise when they are older. Seriously though, let's not make moms on here feel that formula feeding will make their babies dumb. The difference in IQ (if true, and it's still controversial at this point) is so minute that it isn't even worth mentioning.

 

Great advice on here so far. What you will find is some people feel really strongly about breastfeeding and other people feel really strongly about not breastfeeding. If you feel like you really want to breastfeed, then give it your all right now, work with a LC, etc, because if you give up on your hardest days, you may regret it later. I had difficulty with latch with my DS and I almost gave up a few times because I was SO frustrated, but in hindsight I am really glad I didn't.

I am by no means a lactation "nazi" but I love, love, love nursing my twins. I love the closeness, the enjoyment I see in their faces, the ability to calm a hurt or sick child instantly. I don't know how I would have made it through some nights if I had to get out of bed and make a bottle each time!
So, if you still want to do it it's not lost cause. I read a neat story recently about an adoptive mother who was able to eventually nurse her adopted child through lots of patience and a dedicated LC. With patience, support, and faith in yourself you can and will produce milk. That being said, if its too much for you after you give it a try or you feel like you are not that committed to it, then switch to formula. Just don't make a snap decision without utilizing your support system and giving it a lot of thought so that you don't beat yourself up about the decision later.

 

YEP!!! OP, please don't be scared off by the pressure from some PP to bf because "breast is best." Breast is not always best. A mom who can function well and is not utterly exhausted is best!!! It's not for others to judge how you feed your kids.

There are advantages to both bf and formula feeding, so don't feel bad about which one you choose. As you can see from my siggy, my kiddos are both formula fed and I couldn't be happier about my decision. And you can also mix and match--many twin moms do that!

The one thing I would caution you about if you formula feed to is to watch for overfeeding cues. Don't fall into the temptation to make your baby finish the bottle so as to not waste formula--let them decide when they are done, just like they would with bf. Sometimes, because formula is expensive, parents falls into this trap. By letting babies recognize when they are full, you set them up for a lifetime of healthy eating habits.

 

I'm not going to join the discussion about what would be best for the babies. PP's have said everything that needs to be said (and more).

I do want to ask the OP to take care of herself, whatever decision she'll make. You may have fully recovered physically, but please allow yourself to heal emotionally as well. I should know, because BTDT (three long days of ICU after giving birth). Listen to your heart and know that everything you feel is fine, you and only you know what is best for your babies. Do what's good for you and your little ones. I chose to stick to BFing and clung to it with everything I could and whereas I know FFing would have maybe given me the necessary time to learn to deal with my PTSD and PPD (because you can ask others to help with feedings), being able to feed my girls with milk from my own body dragged me through the darkest days and nights.

Good luck to you. Trust yourself, you can do it (with bottle or boob, no matter what).

 

Hi Everyone! Thank you so much for your comments and advice. I didn't mean to stir up any debates but it's clear that it's definitely a back and forth issue.

So far I am taking Mitocin and pumping every 4-5 hours. In the mean time, the kiddies are getting formula and any breast milk I can make. It's absolutely exhausting - I am totally drained b/t trying to get them on the breast, pumping, making formula and just keeping up with them. I realize it's still early in their little lives, but I am so scared that if I don't get more rest and relax it's just going to make my supply worse.
Not to mention the stress in general is making me CRAZY!!

I do go to a breastfeeding clinic on the 10th but I think at that point I'll have a decision as to what I want to do.

Anyway, thanks again and thanks for the good luck wishes...

 

I just wanted to say good luck to you as you find your way down this brave path of decision-making on one of many tough choices to come. Not easy decisions to make and there are a lot of strong feelings around both sides. I do agree with PPs who mentioned surrounding yourself with the support YOU need to supplement your wishes, whatever those are and continue to be. Big hugs to you.

 

Congrats on your new babies. If breast feeding seems like a losing battle, don't feel bad about switching to formula - do not allow yourself to ruin this special time in your life with mommy guilt! You asked about our experiences - - I worked my tail off to get six months of breast feeding in (ended up EPing), and I didn't get off to as rough as a start as you did. I am really proud of my accomplishments as it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but it was pretty much a full time job for those six months and now that I am saner I honestly wonder if it was worth the hard work. I've had so many friends who have gone through %$^%^ trying to make breastfeeding work only to be disappointed in the end, so I am very sensitive to this issue. On the other hand, if your life will not be complete without the experience of breastfeeding, I'm sure that it would be possible to make it work mamma! Good luck!

 

Congratulations on your twins!
I'm so sorry that you had such scarry complications after the birth, but relieved to hear that you are coming through it.

THIS IS SO TRUE!

Breastfeeding is hard. And it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can do both. It's not unsual for a new born to take a long time to feed. My singleton would feed for like 30 minutes then need more 30 minutes later. The good news it that's usually only the first few weeks. Breastfeeding is something both you and your babies need to learn how to do.
I've never had access to a pump--other than a hand operated one--so I never fussed about trying to get my supply up by pumping. With my twins I supplemented and with my singleton I didn't. My twins started off getting 5 formula feeds a day once we got the hang of breastfeeding--which took 6 weeks by the way--I was able to work them down to 3 formula feed a day. I continued to partially breastfeed them that way until they were 15 months old.

My singleton would never take a bottle and it took me more like 8 weeks to get to a point where I could say I was enjoying breastfeeding him. So hang in there.

I also suggest you post this in the breastfeeding forum. There are a lot of very experienced ladies in there who probably don't read the first year forum very much.

And as for people judging you--honey, people are going to judge you no matter what you do with your children, so just develop a thick skin.