Lying about having to go potty to get out of bed

My son has been potty trained for a week and a half now. He started waking me up at night to go potty a few days into the training. I wasn't really expecting to night train him, but he led the way. He usually gets up 1-2 times a night and wakes up dry. He was always a night waker though. So I'm not sure if he's waking because he has to go, or if for some other reason that he'd usually cry for me to come in, but now he's got the potty excuse. I just wonder if he could sleep through it sometimes, because the second time he gets up it's only a little bit. I'm starting to think it's another night-waking habit I'm in for, that he's gone through like a 1000 phases of in the past. But as long as he really goes, I'm ok with it (just tired!) The problem is he has now started to lie about it when first being put to bed - for naps and night time. 10 minutes after we lay him down he starts whining he has to go (even if he just went before we put him to bed). I always give in and have him try, because I'm afraid he really might have to go again. Maybe he didn't go all the way or something. It's been very frustrating, and I've tried telling him I'm going to put him back in a diaper if I get him out of bed to try and he doesn't go. Or I've tried threatening to take his bear - the prized possession that he sleeps with away if he's lying to me. I've done this, and listened to him scream for 10 minutes before giving in and giving it back. I figure maybe it was a long enough punishment for him to know to not do it the next time. But it doesn't work. No matter how much I explain to him before I get him out of his crib (he's in a crib with a crib tent), that mommy's going to be very upset if he doesn't really have to go. If we get him on the potty and no pee pee comes out, and he just said he had to go to get out of bed, I'm going to be very mad. I tell him what's going to happen (take bear away, diaper, etc), and he says he still has to go. Then he'll sit down for 2 seconds, say he is done, and give me a sheepish smile. I ask if he really had to go and he says no. It absolutely infuriates me because I can't help from giving in. I'm afraid one time he really will be telling the truth and I'll traumatize him by not taking him seriously. This morning he woke up 2 hours before usual to go potty which was fine, because he really went. Then 10 minutes later he started whining he had to go. I gave in, we tried, and nothing. Then 10 minutes after that, the whining started again. Needless to say, he ended up not going back to sleep - which means I didn't go back to sleep, so I'm very crabby right now - especially since I was already up with him twice last night. How do you discipline for this, or do you?

 

I'd limit the number of times he can get up to go. I also make my little guys wait for a certain period of time before I let them go again. But mine are older and have a bit more understanding of cause and effect, LOL.
Mine were also in a bed when we trained at 2. So I left a small potty seat in their gated room so if they absolutely needed to go they could get up and go on their own (which they did in the beginning). Now that we are past that point, I limit the number of times they can get up to once.

 

Al my kids were in beds and would just get up and go on their own then go back to bed. I do think that one of my kids in particular used it as an excuse to get out of bed in the middle of the night then try to get into our bed. I do think there needs to be an adjustment period of letting them figure out which feeling means I must get out of bed to use the potty and which feeling means I can turn over and go back to sleep. Personally, I'd rather them err on the side of getting up.

As far as wanting to try again right before they go to sleep, I would tell them as they are sitting on the potty before bed that this is the last time before they go to sleep. I would also not threaten to take away anything that I was not willing to follow up with and not be put into a situation where I gave in and gave the item back. It undermines your authority and teaches them if they complain enough, they will get what they want.

I'd say as long as they try to go and then go right back to bed (no playing) I'd give it some time. Personally, I'd think if they were old and mature enough to potty train, the infant crib and tent could turn into a toddler bed.

 

My daughter is in a toddler bed. We tried the transition 3 months ago when they still shared a room. It was an absolute disaster. We let it go for several weeks to see if they'd adjust, and then we went on vacation and they slept in twins beds - and it was the worst vacation ever that I totally regret taking. My daughter adjusted and slept. My son was up all hours and never once napped. It was a crabfest every day. When we got home we put his crib back together and he started throwing himself out of it in a screaming rage when we tried to let him CIO to finally put an end to the night wakings. He had us wrapped around his finger - eithter we sat with him as he was falling asleep and then again several times at night for his night wakings, or he'd throw himself out - faster than we could put him back in and walk away. So they were separated and the crib tent went on. This was months ago, I do think he has matured, and I know he wants a bed. I'm just so scared to go back there! But it does sound like it makes sense to help with this problem. It might go better now that he has his own room and he's a little older. I just pray that one problem will solve the other, and I don't end up with two big sleep problems again. It has never been easy when it comes to my son and sleep. Luckily my daughter is so easy, or I'd have had a complete breakdown by now!

 

We had some of this at bedtime (though, fortunately, not in the middle of the night because neither of them were dry at night when they day trained). We told them they could go potty ONCE after bedtime, and after that there would be consequences -- take away one of the books on their bed, etc. (We don't take away loveys -- I feel those are sacred -- but some people make that an option too.)

We still fought this battle for weeks, but eventually the novelty wore off and they just gave up. Also, they started being able to go potty all by themselves (since they were in beds around age 3), and we would tell them "Just go, and don't bother us!" :laughing:

Since he is actually waking you up at night, you might need to be a little stricter rather than just waiting for him to get bored with this game. Worst case, you will have to change some sheets if he really isn't crying wolf, but it sounds like the vast majority of the time, he is.

Also, I personally would not change him to a bed just because of this problem. As you said, you might wind up actually making the sleep situation worse. If you feel that he's just not ready for a bed, keep him in a crib and deal with the potty issue within that constraint -- don't let it push you into making even bigger changes before you're ready.

 

I did what you did about taking away the lovey. If they didn't go when they said they had to, they lost the lovey. BUT, I did not give in and give it back. By giving it back, you are showing that if they cry long and loud enough, they get what they want. By sticking to your guns (I know it is hard), you will actually get the lesson across.

Good luck!

 

I feel like I've been wavering all over with the threats and not sticking to a plan. Normally I'm good at following through with threats, and I hate giving them in the first place. But if I do, I usually stick to it. It's been hard with this because I don't want to undo the potty training, or teach him it's ok to go in your pants sometimes. But I need a game plan to stick to. So here's my test. I put him up for his nap. I told him the new rule is he has to try to go potty before we lie down, no matter if he has to go or not. He didn't want to, but he did it. He said he went pee pee, but I didn't see it because I was busy with my daughter. I told him I'm not going back in until nap time is over, no matter how much he cries because he just went and I know he doesn't have to go. As usual, he acts like he understands - actually maybe all too well, because I got the sheepish smile I get when I discover he doesn't really have to go. Like he was remembering the last time we went through this. Sure enough, as soon as I walk out he's screaming that he has to go pee pee. I'm sticking to my word and I'm not going in for at least an hour. It's going to be tough, but I hope after a couple times, he gets over it.

I can't even begin to count how many times we've had to break him of a bad habit at night - one time of getting to nap on the couch, lie in bed with daddy because of a thunderstorm, getting over being sick, will lead to weeks or months of night wakings/tears/and fights. Each time seems to be harder and harder to break and deal with the guilt than the last. But I guess I probably felt this way each time. He sure does know how to manipulate when it comes to sleep.

If this doesn't work after a few days, then I'll try the toddler bed and leave a potty in his room. (And leave for a 2 week vacation and let someone else handle it!)