Birthday invite issue

Last week, a Mom came up and introduced herself and told me her son talks about Abby all the time and that he was having a b-day party next month and was allowed to pick 2 children to invite. He really wanted Abby to come. That's fine with me. I'm ok with one twin being invited and the other not. It's part of life. Gabe's not happy, but he'll get over it. So, we get the invite yesterday and I'm reading it over. Their address is 2 towns away and from 11 am to 6:30 pm on a Sunday. I was shocked! I think they are expecting us to bring them to their house, then they are going to go to the movies (in the town that we live in) and after go to a gymnastics place for an open gym/play time. I have so many questions, but first I'm not just going to drop my kid off for 7.5 hrs. I think they are expecting that b/c they listed the place as their house and that we could send a change of clothes with Abby for the gym. Are they serving lunch/dinner? Why would they have a 7.5 hour party for 2 friends? I sent the Mom an e-mail asking for more logistics/details about the day. I'm leaning towards driving her to the movies myself and meeting them there & paying for myself to stay at the movies. Then depending on what else they have planned, maybe I will take her to the gym or their house for a little bit. It's just such a long day! I don't want to disappoint this little boy, but it's too much! WWYD?

 

That's a crazy amount of time and 3 kids puts one odd person out too. I'd get more info but it sounds odd

 

Well, I did get more info. Here is the itinerary:

11:00 meet at their house (25 minutes away)
11:30 lunch at their house
1:00ish - Movie (TBD) if there is not a "good" kid's movie showing, we will rent a movie instead (this is at the theater in our town)
3:30-5:00pm - Open gym
5:30pm - Dinner (pizza)
6:30pm - Children being picked up from their house

Would it be rude of me to say that Abby would love to come, but we would like to meet them at the theater and won't be able to come back for dinner? That would still make it 4 hrs.

 

I would suggest that you meet at the movies and you could take gabe to watch it so he won't feel left out. Then maybe the gym. I still say it to long a day and the whole third wheel issue

 

It does sound too much I would do what u suggested with the meeting at movies and going to gym.

 

I would not take Gabe or anyone else though since Abby was the one invited. It does sound like a long party to have lunch and dinner. How does Abby feel about it, does she want to go to the whole thing? I guess I would kind of feel bad if my child was not attending the whole party since the kid only invited 2 children. What about taking Abby to their house and letting her eat lunch there and go to the movies and open gym and then say you will take her home from there? I'd probably do that, that way she would be able to attend most of the party.

 

Just to be clear I wasn't meaning insert gabe in the party but if your going to drop her off at the movie why not take gabe to see it. After thinking on it IMO I'd tell the mom up front that I was not comfortable with the length of time or amount of kids and if she'd rather invite another child who could come for the full party that would be fine. I've seen too many times one kid get left out when theres three. Plus mine still are taking a nap after lunch

 

To me, it sounds like they were trying to accommodate what the child asked for. (What parent plans that much commuting/ such different activities?) I'd just talk to my child about choosing a part of the day (lunch and movie or gym and dinner) and ask to only participate in that portion. Claim conflicting obligation and go with it.

 

Dude. Um. No. Most 5 year olds are done after a 2 hour party. Honestly? I would tell my son/daughter that he could choose one thing (Lunch and movie or gym and pizza). For my kid, I know thats a lot anyway.

I would also not drop my kid off at all, and just leave them. I would politley ask if you would not mind staying and maybe that will help her out some.

I dont know, I think its strange.

 

That does seem like a lot of activities. Just curious...do they have the appropriate accommodations (car seats) to transport them? That seems like a lot of driving around.
If you'd like your daughter to attend but are not comfortable with the time you might mention that it being so far that you'd like to stay in the area and have your daughter attend maybe two of the planned items.

 

I agree. That's A LOT for children so young. If we're talking about 10 year olds, that's one thing, but 4 and 5 year olds? I'd tell the mom that you can meet them either at the movies or the gym but that you're unable to stay for the entire time. I'd make up a little white lie about a conflict.

 

I forgot to update you all on what I decided to do. I e-mailed the Mom this:

I am wondering if we may be able to meet you at XXX for the movie. I would like to
stay if that's ok and then drive Abby over to XXX. Unfortunately, we
wouldn't be able to come back to your place for dinner. It sounds like xxx has
a fun and special day planned and I believe you said he was only inviting a
couple of friends. I understand if he may want to try to invite someone else
that would be able to attend for the full day. Please let me know if that
shortened time frame will work or if you'd like to try to find another friend
that can attend all the activities. I don't want xxx to be disappointed.

She said they would love to have us. So, we'll go for about 4 hours, which I still think is really long but I know Abby will enjoy herself and hopefully the boy will still have fun having her attend the big events.

Edited to remove some identifying info.

 

I think what you did was perfect. That was a nice email and Im glad you got to go and not have to stay the whole day!

 

Thank you! The party is actually this Sunday, so hopefully it goes well. My older DD has a b-day party to go to on Saturday so this is all making Gabe even more upset. He's reallly feeling left out. We're going to come up with something fun to do with him!

 

When I was first reading I thought it sounded pretty cool. But for a 4 year old? And you don't know the family? Sounds like you did a nice job working it out.

We often give birthday gifts of a day out for kids my kids know well. We set a day and let the kid pick two activities (bowling, swimming, mini golf, lazer zone, movie, etc)from a list and choose a restaurant for lunch. But it is just for my kid and the friend and we started at about 5 years with very close friends and then not-so-close friends at about 7 years. I figure kids have enough "stuff" and this lets them have an activity for a gift.

My 10 year old invited a kid (we didn't know) over from school and rather than have him take the bus the mom brought him over after school. I'm sure just to check out the house, us, etc. That seems pretty normal to me and this is for a much older kid.