This lying thing is such a struggle!! Our 3-yr-old has started telling stories a bit, and we really rely on our 10-yr-old to tell us what really happened. Lately, we're not sure we can do that. Last night, we found a closed container (that shouldn't have water in it) full of water in the back bathroom. DH went to DS1 (he's almost 11) and asked him if he did it and why. DS said no, he didn't do it. We were gone all day, and our nanny watches our 3-yr-old, another 3-yr-old (V) and the twins. We asked DS many times if he did and he said no, over and over again. DH was kind of mad at first, but then calmed down and DS still denied doing it. I talked to the nanny this morning to see if the guest (V) ever uses that bathroom. The Nanny said she doesn't, she only uses the front bathroom. I asked if V was ever allowed in that part of the hallway unsupervised, and the nanny said no. She said that she keeps our kids and V in the playroom and living room (all one common area) because she doesn't like the 2 3-yr-olds to play unsupervised, even in our 3-yr-old's room. I've never seen our 3-yr-old in that back bathroom - he goes potty & washes his hands in the front one, and bathes in the master bathroom - he has no use for the back bathroom - there's not a stool or anything. Obviously, water in the container is not a huge issue - he didn't hurt anyone or anything, and we don't have definite proof that he lied to us, but it's hard to imagine what else could have happened. What bothers us is that he could lie to us, so well, so vehemently, and about something so small and stupid. That makes us think he could lie to us about anything!! V can't reach the faucets except the bathtub, and the container was so small it's hard to imagine she could aim the bathtub faucet well enough to fill up the container anyway. Plus the bathtub faucet is loud, and I think the nanny would have heard it. I don't know how else the water could have gotten in there!! Should we discipline him? Should we let it go??? What would you do??
I'll be interested in the responses to this. My almost 8 yr. old has started lying. But it's very obvious things that she does in front of me that I have no idea why she's lying about. For instance, she was yelling at her brother for running around her in circles. He didn't stop, so she shoved him really hard. I immediately sent her to her room and she's lying to my face saying she didn't shove him. Another example is that she kept begging her sister to go outside with her and then when she finally did, she wasn't being very nice. Her sister said "Isabel, you asked me to come out here with you and now you don't want to play". She responded "I never asked you to come out with me". I talked to her about how I can't trust her when she lies to me. When the trust is broken, she might lose out on doing things b/c I can't trust that she'll make good decisions or be truthful an gave some examples (visiting a friend, walking alone from the bus stop home - she loves this and I watch her from our driveway, etc.). Good luck, I hope you get some more advice.
At 3 it's less a lie and more "magical thinking," which runs along the lines "I wasn't supposed to do that, I wish I didn't do that, maybe if I say I didn't do it then I won't really have done it." At 8 they definitely understand the difference between a lie and the truth and that requires a different response. I would not discipline the 3 yo for lying because I don't think the intent is to deceive you as much as it is to erase a mistake. (An 8 yo wants to deceive, most likely to avoid punishment.) I would drop this particular issue entirely, esp since 3 yos don't have the best sense of time yet and time has passed. I would instead work on how very important it is to be truthful, and nothing you could ever tell would make us stop loving you, but we need to know so if there is a problem we can fix it, etc.
From what I took, it was the 10 yr. old DS that she feel is lying. Maybe I'm wrong. I agree, at age 3 they don't really get what they are doing as much as an older child and the approach would be different.
You're right, I did misread it. I think with my older kids if I was able to prove a lie (and there are several other people here, so that might not be possible), then I went with lying gets worse punishment (usually removal of privileges in my case) than whatever it was, because I don't want lying.
Thanks for the replies!! Sorry it was a little unclear - I probably didn't need to include as many details as I did - definitely, we are more concerned with the 10-yr-old lying than the 3-yr-old, even though we might have issues with both. :unknw: This is normally the case and it's so hard in this case, since we don't have real proof. I think we are probably going to ignore it and hope that it doesn't start a trend. We're just going to watch the 10-yr-old a little more closely from now on...
I think I would let this one go since the time has past, but you could start having discussions on what the difference is between stories (what we imagine or would like to have happen or just plain fun) and when thing really happen. Not serious but in a fun way. Oh, that can't be real, your kidding me, telling me a story! but in a playful manor. But if you haven't already it introduces the ideas and vocabulary of truthful and make believe (lies).
