6 Year old "Frat Girls"

Hello Everyone,

My name is Dena and I just joined this site today. I found it in my quest to try and figure out my girls. I have 6 year old Fraternal twin girls. The youngest of the two Mollie, is VERY outgoing. She wants to play every sport there is, she has many friends that are calling her at home, she loves to be outside and running riding her bike and playing. The oldest of the twins Madison, is struggling in school. She has a hard time with yelling and loud noises, she is not jelling well with her male teacher and I found out last week has been eating paper for months. I took her to the Dr. that day to rule out any medical problems and she told me to give her a multi vitamin and not worry about it. Madison takes dance class once a week for 90 minutes and other than that just likes to be inside reading, coloring and drawing. When I asked her why she was eating the paper she said because it tastes good! Madison only talks about one little girl at school and there is no one calling the house for her. (Not that I mind but it makes me sad for her) I am at a complete loss as to what to do. Madison has always been the go with the flow baby and Mollie has always been the "in your face" baby. Madison is perfectly happy just hanging out while Mollie is always on the go. For the most part they get along with each other, and they are in seperate classes at school because I thought it would be more helpful for Madison but she seems to be going futher and further into a shell that I am afraid one day I wont be able to get her out of. Hopefully someone can give me some advise!

Thank you
:gah:

 

I have frat girls with one introvert and one extravert, too. I separated them in school (don't know if yours are separated or not). This made a big difference. My introvert will never be a people person, but in her own classroom she is not compared all the time to her sister and has gradually opened up. Mine will be 8 in December. Introverts (I am one) find social interaction draining, whereas extraverts draw energy from it. Just be sure that she has some nice quiet times alone to rest between social interactions. Introverts really need that alone time to recharge.

I don't know anything about the paper eating, so I can't address that.

eta: typo

 

I'm not sure you really need to do much-I think the key is whether or not Madison is happy. I don't think it matters that she has fewer friends than her sister, as long as she is not wishing that she had more friends or feeling left out/sad. You said that she "just likes to be inside reading, coloring and drawing" and "is perfectly happy just hanging out", so it sounds from your post that she is quite happy to amuse herself and doesn't crave that social interaction (at least not nearly as much as her sister). I think Ruby made a great point about social interaction being draining for introverts.

Having said that I think it is important for all children (even independent/introverted ones) to have some peer group friends. You said she talks about one girl at school so maybe you could arrange a playdate with that girl for her. Or ask her if there's anyone in her dance class she would like to have over to play. I would try and organise it so that Mollie is not around when Madison's friend comes over (have it at a time when Mollie is out at a class or arrange for her to go to one of her friend's houses at the same time) to give Madison more of a chance at playing without Mollie taking over.

As far as the paper eating, if your doctor says it's not a problem then I would try not to worry. Maybe just keep an eye out and gently discourage her from doing it if you notice it going on.

 

I just want to reach through the screen and hug Madison. But then as you describe her, she probably doesn't want some stranger mauling her for a hug.

I agree with Ruby that she sounds like an introvert. Introverts are so misunderstood, and it can be painful when people want to drag you out of your shell. Frankly, I was perfectly happy inside my shell. I had friends, but I was also happy to just curl up with a book...alone.

If you're an extrovert, you won't be able to understand this about her. Pushing her into social interaction that she doesn't want will make her miserable. My parents did it to me, and my ILs to my SIL. My parents just didn't get it - and it made my childhood stressful at times.

You obviously need to pursue the paper eating, but I wouldn't worry about her friendships if she is happy. Please don't compare her to her sister (I know, I know, that's so hard when you have two the exact same age). It will only make her feel bad about herself and make her question whether she is normal for preferring alone time.
Does the school counselor have ideas about the paper eating?

 

Like the others have said, if she is happy being an introvert, let her. I was/am a person with introvert tendencies. Sarah has the same thing. After a day at school, around people, she goes to her room, finds a book, and crawls in her bed to read. If she doesn't get time away from people, she starts melting down. Some people honestly just need the space.

Marissa

 

Thank you so much for all your replies!

I have always been outgoing and the "center of attention" so I don't understand what it's like to not crave that.
I will give her the time she needs to herself and see about arranging a play date with her friends without her sister there.

Thank you!

:thanks:

 

I just wanted to address this. I am an intravert & my husband is an extrovert. He totally doesn't get it. I mean, why wouldn't I want to be about people 24/7!! :shok: How dare I!!! I agree with the others, if she is happy, then you should go with the flow. The paper thing *could* be a way of getting attention. I don't know. I would probably encourage her to do activities with the girl she talks about at school. :hug: It is hard.