Insensitive people rant....

I was just wondering how you all dealt with insensitive and plain stupid comments when you told people you are having twins? I was really hesitant to tell people about twins up until the end but it is impossible to keep away.
The first question everyone asks after congratulating is: did you do IVF? Spoke to my DH’s aunt today, she was extremely excited for us but then said “does this mean you did IVF? That’s not good”. Here is an example of what another person said “kids that are planned like that are not happy kids”, honestly it took all my will power not to slap her.
I know I should not pay attention and cannot get upset because people say stupid things all the time, but I cannot help
it, may be it's hormones.
What do you say to these people so they buzz off?

 

:hug: I'm sorry about the comments you are getting. Personally it is none of their business how they were conceived however I do not know of a response to those dousies! Just chalk it up to people opening mouths & inserting foot. :hug:

 

Unfortunately there's no stopping the stupid comments.. you'll still get them when the twins are born too! You could always answer them in graphic detail about how the twins were created and make them sorry they asked :laughing: I always just went with.. nope, they're a surprise and we're excited, we hope you are too. People do not think before they speak... brain to mouth with no filter.

 

lol. thank you ladies

 

Sorry you are getting such insensitive comments/questions.
I always got 'do twins run in your family?' and I would say 'they do now..'
I also got the looks like I was an enormous freak show...but I just laughed at those!

Try to just ignore the idiots!! :grouphug: and just come in here and talk smack to us, we all 'get it'.

 

Or offer to discuss your sex life only after you discussed theirs.

Wait until you get the "Are they natural?" question. Have you ever seen a fake kid? :aggressive:

Or the questions about whether you had a c-section. See above - offer to discuss your vagina only after they have disclosed info about their own.

 

I like the part about talking in detail when the twins were conceived.

For me I always get the "Ur hands r gonna be full! R u going to hire a domestic helper to help out?" it's pretty common over here for even full time moms with 1 kid to have domestic helpers. When I say "we'll see" they go on & on about how it's the end of the world for me & I'll be a total wreck, bla bla bla. Then I ask, "so how old r ur twins?"

 

OH my GOSH! So funny. I think the word 'Vagina' in ANY context could stop just about any onslaught. Such sage responses!

I never really feel compelled to give an intelligible verbal response any longer. Usually if I grunt and respond with one of the below, the person will just start talking about "so and so who did this, who knows that, when this"...then I just sit and tune-out, feigning pregnancy brain.

Here’s how my responses to incoming stupid comments generally shake out these days:

A) I smile [a thousand watt smile] with nostril flare [looking as sincere as a bull in the ring with a dangling red cape...] and say nothing.

B) In my head on a good day I say "meow, meow " and on a bad day “%$ck you”.

C) To the generally excited for me person who just cannot stop the twin talk..."I'm in love with my girls. Lucky me".

E) To the nosy (older than me) lady "I'm old" (this one actually works REALLY well...confounds the nosy ladies every time. I’m not really old but am definitely younger than the nosy old lady. I suppose I could say "I eat almonds" and get the same response.

F) With the persistent person "We're just lucky. What more can I say".

Now that I think of it, one of the most hurtful comments was from my SiL who, upon hearing our great news, laughed and replied "twins are my biggest nightmare...I would never in a million years want that". It stung and I let the first comment roll, but by the third go-round I just rubbed my belly, feeling all the love and affection in the world, and responded "good, oh my gosh, thank you! Now I know never to ask you to be their guardian". While not a great comeback...it was 100% sincere!

BIG HUGS!! :grouphug:

 

wait till you get asked if you plan to breastfeed...I once asked some schmuck if they wanted a peep show!

 

I don't even understand why kids conceived via IVF wouldn't be happy? :umm: That makes no sense to me! Might as well get used to it - twin babies are a total people magnet! You're not going to be able to take them anywhere without a million questions.

I get annoying comments this time and I'm only having one. The most annoying is when people ask me if I'm sure I'm only having one this time. I'm measuring 2 weeks ahead, I'm not that big!

 

"Do twins run in your family?" - Get this all the time. My reply (not available to everyone) is to say, "I'm not sure. I'm adopted." They aren't expecting it, so it tends to shut them right up. Obviously my closest friends know the babies were conceived with the aid of Clomid, but the whole world doesn't need to know. I did have one awkward experience with a group of people I didn't know well when, after I stated that the twins were a surprise, one girl went on and on about how twins these days are all conceived via fertility treatments, and it's so surprising to hear about twins conceived naturally, etc. I just sat there nodding my head and feeling kind of embarrassed. Only kind of, though. I'm so happy to be having babies at all that I really couldn't care less what people think of their means conception.

Just come up with a standard response - I really like the "They do now" reply. Shuts down any further questions.

 

People are dumb. Period.

The best thing you can do is come up with a blanket statement for strangers and friends. That is what helped me and it still does now that I have the twins.

Although, I wasn't prepared for the comment I got from the construction worker building a house down the street. He asked me if they were twins, and then said that he didn't realize that you could have boy/girl twins. THEN he asked me what "position" I used to make sure I got a girl and a boy. Honestly didn't know what to say to that and then I made sure I didn't walk that way again.

 

I confess I wasn't very nice when pregnant. As to the IVF question, I smile sweetly and say "No, we had sex". It's a rude and intrusive question. A blunt answer is great fun!

In a weird way it was nicer when I was pregnant- once they are born you lose your anonymity. You don't have to tell the cashier at IHOP that you're carrying twins. But after they are born when you take them out people come out of the woodwork to talk to you!

It's annoying all the way around but you do get used to it. :babyflips:

 

I enjoy telling people no they aren't twins I liked the first one so much I had her cloned.

 

LOVE IT!!!

 

My girls are Id but not the same size so it makes sense

 

you get insensitive comments while pregnant with them, and after you have them. but what gets me the most are the stupid comments. I have identical girls, and while I never dress them exactly the same they are always in coordinating outfits, and no that their hair is longer they always wear bows in public. I have people ask me all the time.....Are they twins? Are they identical? Are they both girls? I want to scream sometimes at the stupidity. I will be honest I have actually been quite rude before when answering the questions. I have figured out that you need to have some tough skin to be a parent of twins cause the looks and the questions never stop.

 

I get these q's all the time too - I like the answer "they do now!" when asked if twins run in the family. Great idea!

As for the other q's, what shuts people up fairly quickly is looking them dead pan in the eye and simply saying "that's personal".

Then it makes THEM feel uncomfortable and stupid for asking.

Works every time!!!!!!

 

LOL!! To that question, I would look at them quizzically and say "oh! I didn't know they could be fake??" (like dead serious voice!) ha ha ha

 

We did do IVF and depending on who is asking and why they are asking I will either say so or that it was a happy surprise. When asked if they run in the family I usually say something like I guess they do now or if I can tell the person doesn't know anything about twins (usually after they ask if my boy and girl are identical) I say my husband is adopted (he is, but I think it is the female side that it runs on).

Really, the best answer I have come up with when faced with an uncomfortable question is - "Why do you ask?
They usually get uncomfortable and drop it or explain and then I am not upset if they say, for instance, are they natural and I say why do you ask, and they respond with we are having trouble, I have always wanted twins, etc., etc.

As for the unhappy planned kids comment, that is just ridiculous. I think, in my case, because my kids were so planned and hoped for that I try to stay happy as much as possible because I am just so grateful and appreciative and I think kids pick up on that and are happy too!

 

Thank you all so much for all your input. I feel like I am armed now.
I absolutely loved the "clone" answer and "no, we had sex" and "they do now". Hope all of these should be enough to stop the inquiries.
As for the unhappy kids - I do not believe that crap either, there are millions and millions of kids who have been conceived through ART and that statement is just stupid. It just bothers me that people would even think to say that....erf!

thank you all!
Have a great weekend.

 

I have a friend with twins in Brooklyn. She gets asked if they are twins all the time and she tells them that they are triplets, but she left one in the car! Hahaaaaa! I loved this and plan on using it!

 

I'm too nice to ever say it out loud; but I really want to respond to the "are they twins" question with "nope, one's a dog." I know people just want to say something when they see the boys, but anything other than "are they twins" and "you've got your hands full."

Although I was also shocked when my dentist, yes my dentist, asked if I was breastfeeding. Really????

But on the flip side, I had the nicest comment a couple of weeks ago. A woman in a store saw us and said to her friend, "what a stroller full of blessings." This is my new go to comment for multiples I see. Loved it!!

Laura

 

I always get the are they IVF question.. and the answer is no but whoever said they said they are a "happy surprise" is totally right on. Regardless of how a child is conceived it is always a "happy surprise" !!! Then we always get the "are these your first babies" and we tell them they are number 7 and 8 we get all kinds of comments from "your crazy" (yes, of course we are 6 kids will do that to you ) to how do you afford it, to I hope you have help... These are our first twins so it should be interesting to see what happens when they come! I love some of your answers to the questions and if I can get the courage will probably use some!

 

I would have turned around to that woman and asked her if she had been an IVF baby so as she obviously wasn't a very happy person to go spouting her mouth off like that!!!!! ARGH....people just don't think!
As for the negative things, I just tell people my husband and I are delighted to have been blessed with twins ... people always want to put their 2 cents in ...... deep breathing has come in VERY handy for me throughout my pregnancy! One lady on hearing that I was expecting twins proceeded to tell me about how she was once pregnant with twins and then one died at birth. While my heart ached for her I just thought, how insensitive to say that to a pregnant woman with twins on the way. People really don't think before they speak! It has made me very aware of what I say to people. Silver lining I guess!

 

oh my gosh - I think I would have peed my pants laughing all the way home!!!! LMAO



I definitely got lots of comments when people found out it was twins - cripes, the comments started when they found out I was pregnant with what they thought was #4, let alone 4 and 5!

I always said - excuse me - I have to pee - I have 4 feet kicking my bladder right now! People usually made a path for me! LOL

 

I am always pretty honest about our fertility help. It's not a big deal to me. But one of my favorite responses that I saw on here to the super dumb question of "were you trying for twins?" is "yes, we had sex twice a night for weeks!"

 

I am sorry for that coments, and i know how you feel because i listen so many!
My niece study for sonogram assistant and she told my sister-in-law, since we don't have twins in the family, i make FIV, and my sister-in-law said that was not true, because was a planned pregnancy and actually I got pregnant soon as I thought! Anyway she stills insist that is impossible i got pregnant without FIV and if they are in the same placenta, just one will going to survive!My sister-in-law got mad with her, and told that she needs to study more! She never tols me nothing about this, but my husband was so :diablo:

 

You are not alone as I definitely know exactly how you feel.

To date these are the things I have been asked when people find out we are having twins (our first pregnancy):

1. Oh so you went with IVF?;
2. Well I guess at your age you would have had to use IVF (I am 36!!!);
3. Are they Phillip's?? (my partner);
4. Well you cant be too far along (I am currently 19 weeks and not showing much)
5. (and her response when I told her how far along I was) - Oh are you sure that everything is ok and that they are thriving as you are extremely small for the timing.

I have gone through so many emotions, from hurt to anger to now just saying to them - when I want your opinion I will ask for it and walking off. Some people are just so rude it never ceases to amaze me!!

Kate xx

 

I get a lot of "better you than me" responses, to which I have had trouble not replying "I'm sure the babies are grateful too!" These are coworkers and 3 times a partner in my office said this, so I had to temper my response.

I don't mind when people ask if we had help having them, I just say we didn't and leave it at that. I joked with my husband that we should have waited one more month to try because it only took one month. Now I've gotten used to the idea and I'm just praying they both stick around.