Anyone else feel like they are slacking?

Okay so I recently returned back to work and have started to have more adult social action. Abby and Sofie are 13 months old. They are crawing and just started pulling up on things. I've tried really hard not to compare them to each other or to anyone elses children but I can't help feeling like I am just not doing enough for thier development. They were 8 weeks premature and I think they are doing great! They are doing new things everyday but I hear all these parents of singltons talking about how they are teaching thier 1 year olds thier body parts, new songs, how they take them on trips and explain things to them. It makes me feel like I am just getting by...... that I should be doing flash cards or something lol okay I feel like I am rambling I hope you all understand what I am trying to say.

 

i often feel the same way - but i try to let it go because i know i'm doing my best & no one can ask for anything more (also, the girls are thriving & loved on every day and i think that's what matters most). :hug:

 

There is such a wide range of what is "normal" development for children of any age, that it's really not fair to compare, especially to full-term singletons! And honestly, when I hear that someone's child was "talking in full sentences at 11 months" (something I heard just the other day), I tend to think they're exaggerating or their child is older and they're misremembering. ardon:

Remember that parents mostly only tell you the good stuff (the cute or advanced things they do) and leave out the bad parts.

Please don't feel bad; you are a good mother and obviously care a lot for them. Also, I truly feel like most of the milestones that my kids hit have been through 95% of their effort, and only 5% of mine. Your girls are doing great, flash cards or no!

 

Don't feel bad. In fact, I can totally relate. I have a book called Einstein Didn't have Flashcards, which basically says all children need is to play, and have love and attention from their parents. Everything else will come. I felt really guilty during my pregnancy because I was in survival mode, and basically just kept them happy and healthy. I couldn't play with them too much. Mine were also about 2 months early, and I am constancly hearing things from other moms. We took them to a development follow up through the hospital a few weeks after the baby was born. I was dreading it, because I felt like they were behind, and was blaming myself. Well, actually they scored pretty well, and the doctor (their doctor while they were in the NICU) said they were doing GREAT! She was so proud of them and us. This made me feel so much better, and I have learned to embrace what a PP said... all kids are different, and the development range is so wide. Even the two of mine are so different. Cruz was walking 3 months before Aiden, but Aiden was the first one to talk. Hope that helps, and remember you are a great mom!! )

 

No I understand. Mine will be 14 months on the 23rd and are walking and doing all of those things but I constantly feel like I should be doing more to help them develop. I see other people with singletons who's toddler is feeding themselves already or saying very clearly "momma" and with intent. Mine don't do that. I think it's natural for every mother to second guess ourselves and think we should be doing this or that.

In reality, if they are happy and learning concepts like putting balls into buckets and taking them out and making things move and all that kind of stuff than don't fret. When your twins are ready they will progress to where you think they should be.

I look at it this way, if the pediatrician isn't worried I'm not worried.

Hang in there and try not to be so hard on yourself.

 

Thank you ladies!! I do think my girls get lots of love and attention we waited a long time to have these babies so we are trying to make the most of it!! I think you all are absolutely right we are going to stick to playing and cuddling!!! They are just growing up way too fast and I'm sure they will be running around before I know it. "Haleystar" Good to see you in SY You probably don't remeber me but we were pregnant and in FY at the same time!!! Can you believe we are in SY
Thanks again I don't know whay I even bother to listen to other people sometimes I'm sure half the time they are stretching the truth. Wow I hadn't realized how much I missed TS it is good to be back

 

I think singleton parents get bored at this age and try really hard to make everything educational. Really, all the "teaching" can be done through play. While I am down on the floor playing with them, if they point to my nose and I say "nose", then I am teaching them body parts. If they have a toy that plays a song, I sing the lyrics to that song. If we go for a walk I point to trees, squirrels, dogs, etc. It doesn't take planning or effort to do those things, nor does it take planned "field trips". As long as you play with them, read to them, talk to them, then you are teaching them. I think we are all doing a great job and those parents who brag to make themselves feel good need a hobby!

 

hahaha, love it!

 

:Clap: Well said, I agree. I know it's hard not to compare your children to other children and thinking that you are coming up short. I just try to remember that my kids will get there when they get there and just know that I am doing my best with them.

 

I also read an article somewhere that kids actually do better in the long run with less intervention. They're forced to figure stuff out themselves and they gain confidence from their own accomplishments rather than relying on parent interaction for everything. I can't find the article, so maybe I totally made that up, but it makes sense to me. I see parents of singletons the same age all the time and their kids might be miles ahead in skills, but they are very clingy and are constantly looking to mom for reassurance. I am not saying that singleton parents are bad or twin parents are bad, I think having multiples just forces a different style of parenting with a different outcome.

 

I'm a huge believer that children learn through their play and are "taught" long enough. Don't feel bad for doing your kids a favour and letting them be kids

 

Totally agree with this except I have boys! hehe

It's easy to get caught up with what other kids around the same age are doing but I quickly remind myself that every child is different and that's okay.