MIL and babysitting

Ok, Where to being w/o writing a novel. My MIL in OBSESSED with our girls. I know I SHOULD BE very happy that I have the help but she is so overwhelming sometimes. BUt that is a different story for another day. Any how, I have all family that watches my girls on the days that I work. I work 3.5 days a week and she watches them on two full days monday and tuesday. My mom and sister have the other dayys. Everyone comes to my house because of the twins and my house is very close to everyone elses and it just made more sense when the girls were born because they have so much stuff! Plus three of the days (not when my MIL has the girls) my nephew comes over as well.

my DH said that his mom told him that she was ready to watch the girls at her house and she did not want to come to our house anymore. she just wants to be at her house. I was very bothered by this and told my DH that I dont want to take the girls over there.
1. Because I can not even imagine what time i would have to get up to get them over to her house in the morning. i get up at 6 as it is and DH is leaving. i have to leave at 730 and I am NEVER on tiem to work I never end up leaving til 8 or 830 and the babysittesr are coming to me right now. by the time i feed the babies pump shower get ready make bottles for the day etc.
2. taking all their stuff!
3. they eat dinner at 5:00. i would get to her house at 5:00.
4. nights are al ready rused.
5. and i know i may be over protective but im not ready for them to be at her house either, i want them at my house in their routine and dont want to mess that up

So i guess my question is am i being selfish or rediulous? my dh thinks that i am being rediculous and she should be able to have them at her hosue etc. we got in a hiuge fight about it. but im just not ready. DH does not even realize howu much more work it would be to take them somewhere else in the morning! and that makes me even more angry.

the way i see it is, its only two days a week, if she wants to watch them then come to my house. i can get a babysitter if she does not. i oculd understand if it was 5 days a week then i would take them their just because she would be gone alot from her house. but its only two! thoughts? TIA

 

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. It's hard on the best of days to prepare to get the kids out of the house... never mind when you're rushing to work. I would just tell her that you're trying your best to keep them on the same routine for now, and when you feel that they're ready you can discuss different arrangements.

As for your DH, has he ever taken them out on his own? If so, have him do it a couple of times so he can see how "easy" it is. My husband really backed off after the first time I made him pack everything up and get the kids out for one trip. Ask him to consider the extra expense and hassle of making sure that your MIL has a whole setup at her house so that you don't have to cart all their stuff back and forth twice a week. But really, you should be doing what's best for you.. having 5 month old twins is taxing already, you don't need to be making unnecessary trips just to please someone else.

 

I think that it is fair to say you want her to come to your house or you will get a babysitter. She's doing you a favor, so that really leaves it up to her if she wants to continue doing it the way that works best for you or if she would prefer not to do it at all. And she really has no business complaining then.

 

I agree exactly with Cat Mommy.

Sometimes I think MIL like to be in control (I know mine is very controlling, but in a passive way). Has she mentioned to you that she's ready to watch the kids at her house or just to DH? And if you husband thinks it's fine then I would put him on drop off and pick-up -- full time! No way would I allow my MIL to watch at her house - it's dirty, and she's a smoker so the house smells like a dirty ashtray. Otherwise you might need to start looking for a sitter. Good Luck!

 

Thank you for the replys. I feel better now.
Rollergiraffe..DH does not take the girls out of the house by him self and he never has, I think if he did then he would realize. But he has me to tell him or do every lil thing. I always say to him, if he had to do it for two days washing, cleaning, meds, bottles, chaning, clothes, etc. that he would then realize (but everytime i tell myself im going to let him just do everything with out me telling him waht to do) i chicken out because i rather just do it and get it done. or i worry he wont do something or forget something. but if i did i think he would then realize how much work it would be to take them over in the morning.

cat mommmy ---i said to dh that is what i would do and said you will be paying 100 percent for that if you decide to do that. er! but i will do waht i need to do! i am all about waht works best for my an my babies right now. life is already chaotic!(wouldnt change a thing though)

sandyoo5---no of course she only mentioned it to dh and not me she always does that! i would so put him on pick up and drop off but he leaves at 6am and does not get home til about 630 pm and i need my babies!!!i work 8---430

MIL --is a constant fight and battle between us and now this is going to be an on going thing and fight i just know it is! i just wish he would respect my wishes and let it be for now!

 

I am with Cat Mommy. Also, let DH handle getting them one morning from start to finish...he will change his tune. You are not being unreasonable. The DH/MIL relationships are a treat to handle. :headbang: So fine, pay with your own money, but I guarantee she will give in over knowing they will be with a stranger over grandma. Too bad, so sad. IMO, this is your call.

 

I say call her bluff. Tell her you want to keep them home for the reasons you listed. If she doesn't want to come over you understand but will have to get a baby sitter. I bet she will change her tune. She may complain to DH about you for a while but who cares. You got your way!

 

This is exactly what I was thinking! And if not, then just get a sitter and keep them at home. The hassle with taking them out is the major reason I am a SAHM right now - we can't afford someone to come in full time and I don't want to take them out. I will probably go back to work when they are of bottles and baby food.

 

I agree with the pps.

Basically - the answer is NO - end of story. For the reasons you listed ... PLUS - your LOs are only 5 months old. They should not have to leave the house for the whole day - getting up earlier and such if they don't have to. This is about the babies - not about your MIL.

I have issues with my MIL too - and I try to not get emotional and just keep it factual. Keep the explanation SHORT and SWEET... no long explanations. This is what you want and what is best for your family. Maybe say something like, "Oh, I understand that you want them to come to your house. But, there is no way for me to get them to your house before work and besides, I want them to stay in our house. If coming to our house doesn't work for you anymore, that's okay, I understand, I can get someone else to come on Mondays and Tuesday."

Good luck - stand your ground!

 

Devil's advocate here, what would you do if you had to put them in a daycare? You'd have to get up, get them dressed, take them out of your house daily. Not many working people have the luxury of having sitters come to their house, and if you're not paying them, for free.

Of course, do what you're doing, that's awesome, but consider where she's coming from, perhaps she aches when she has to get out of the house early in the morning to get to your house, maybe she's more comfortable in her house, there are many reasons that she could not want to watch them at your house. And it could be that she just doesn't want to watch them anymore.

 

When our boys were 5 months old our house was heavily tailored to them (and still is, ha). Until recently we would nap them in separate rooms, so both the nursery and our bedroom had to have blackout curtains and white noise machines and a crib or PnP. Then there was the bouncy seats, exersaucer and jumperoo. In another 6 months or so you may also need some baby gates. Point being it will take a lot of effort and money to get her house setup for babysitting for 2 days a week, unlike a full-time babysitter who usually has plenty of activity toys and sometimes even spare PnPs. Same for daycares which provide the cribs and toys. So I would maybe just thank your MIL for wanting to still babysit them 2 days a week but just tell her that at this stage it is too much for you to deal with packing them up every morning and driving them over there, not to mention having to have double (or quadruple!) everything to also set up at her house. GL! I am sorry that your DH is not supporting you more in this decision

 

I think that she should take into account the extra work required to take them over to her place and if that's something that you're not willing to do, then she should accept that or not watch the babies anymore. You are the one in control of how your babies are taken care of, not her. That is the very reason why I am going to get a nanny when I go back to work in a few months because I don't want the extra hassle of getting them ready to go to daycare every morning. I also like knowing that they are continuing with their routine. So I would just tell her that while you are appreciative of the time she has already dedicated to taking care of the babies, let her know politely that you are happy with the current situation and if she is uncomfortable/unhappy continuing on with that situation, then you will get a babysitter to come over for those two days.

 

You have to let your husband do things like bottles, prepare stuff for trip,.. It will save you a lot of fight. My husband does clean/make bottles, prepare diaper bagsn milk bags, feed the twins, change diapers,..we stay over my parents fri and sat so my mom could help us taking care of the twins. There's a lot of extra stuff to buy: clothes, diapers, toys, jumperoo, exersaucers,bottles,formula,cereal,.. I also have to carry my pump in style advances back and forth.
About your mil, you should call her up and straight things out. It will save fights between you and ur dh.my husband and I used to fight because of mil as well. Not anymore because I called and talked to her told her what bothered me... She understood because she's a mom too. Good luck!

 

+1

 

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and replys! It has madde me feel alot better. She ahs not brought it up to me at all. SHe just leeps asking him. So if she does not say anyhing to m this weekend before monday comes around again and she says something to him then I am going to call her! Over that BS of let me put my dh in the middle of it! She knows I am the one that calls the shots so dont know why she does not ask me,( I think its ebcause she knows waht im going to say)

Funny note: We were at dh grandparents the other night, 3 of his aunts were there( first time tehy saw the babies) and they were asking if the girls stayed home all week and everyone that watcheed them came to my hosue. I said yes, and then they began to talk about how much work they used to have to do to get one packed up in the mornings, much less two. they wre saying thats good that everyone is coming to my house! oh i wish how my MIL was there to here that, so bad! But my dh sure got to here it! ha

I will let you all know wat happenes! thanks for your support!!!!

 

Ditto...Im STILL this way and my youngest is almost 3...*I* am being ridiculous :laughing: but again this is what I am comfortable with .... my MIL smokes, has about 15 animals and her house is filthy... my house is the best place for her when Im not there for these reasons and many more, and these are YOUR babies... I dont think its about calling a bluff but if you have to be away from them you NEED peace of mind :youcandoit:

 

I think we have the same MIL...

 

Whenever the boys were watched as babies-it was all done at our house. It was just soooo much easier. Dinners done at our house. Holidays-at our house. That way I didn't have to pack up 29860195 things for a two hour visit wherever. As they got older, it got easier. My mil did have swings, playmats, highchairs, exersaucer all at her house though too just in case.

She may just want a change of scenery from the house. I can understand that. So-if SHE does.... tell her she is more than welcome to come over to your house, and SHE can pack up the babies and go back to her house if she so chooses. Who knows-maybe she wants to get some things done at her house. I don't know. I know sometimes we did that with the boys so MIL could make sauce, or whatever it is she wanted to get done.

I know it's not easy getting them out of the house-that's for sure! And I bet she doesn't either-so let her try! Good luck!

 

Mine is the same, yucko!

 

Ugh, scary huh?! :help:

 

Personally, I would talk to her and find out why she wants to change, etc. And tell her your reasons for wanting them at your house...try to work things out. I brought my kids to daycare when they were babies. I would get everything ready for my husband to drop them off and I would leave the house by 6:30, which meant getting up at 5 AM. If someone were giving me free daycare, I would've gotten up even earlier.