Going out to dinner

So I know going out to dinner with two 18-month olds is usually a recipe for disaster, but we just had dinner tonight at a local pizza place with another couple who has a wonderfully calm 9 month old baby. Our little monkeys couldn't sit still all night. They were constantly figuring out new ways to get out of the restaurant's high chairs, finding new ways to throw things, drop things, grab knives off tables, etc. The saving grace of all of this is that at least they were pretty quiet while doing all of this Thankfully there was no whining or screaming, but nothing but non-stop movement. They had great naps today (yes, they still need 2 naps unfortunately) and they played really well all day...until tonight. I brought a bag full of toys for them to play with and chew on as they are still trying to break in those stubborn first year molars. They were already fed by the time we got to the restaurant, so I brought just a small cup of juice and some crackers and biter biscuits to nibble on. But, of course, everything immediately ended up on the floor and all they wanted to do was wiggle and move.

I know I'm fighting a loosing battle until they get older, but does anyone have any tips/tricks they use while out with their very active little toddlers (if you're brave enough to venture out to dinner)? Should I just hang up any hopes of getting even two or three minutes of conversation in while dining with my monkeys? We were very social folks before they boys came along and since they were born so early, we had been recluses for the first year of their life. Now that we are out and about more, we just want to connect with those friends we used to hang out with more often, especially since those friends have kids now too (seemingly calmer kids than ours :wacko: ) Any advice is greatly appreciated!

 

I don't have any great advice for you and am very interested to see how others respond. But, I do have great empathy for you! I am in a very similar boat - b/g twins born at 30 weeks (2 lb, 7oz and 3 lb, 12 oz) who are now 17 1/2 months old. We were also fairly reclusive during their 1st year and have started venturing out more in the last 4 months. My husband has been deployed since the end of July and I am living near my parents for the year while he is gone. My parents LOVE to go out to eat and always invite me and the kids to go with them. It has gotten progressively more challenging, though. We do try to go out early when the restaurants are less crowded and when it coincides with the twins' normal dinner/lunch time. I find if they are busy eating then they are less likely to act up. My son loves straws, so that is always a fall back for when he starts getting squirmy (I just watch him close so that he doesn't poke his eye or his sister's eye!). I find if I place them across from each other with me sitting between them (I sit on the end of the table), that seems to help, as well. Other than that, though, I just pray! :laughing: And, I keep trying. Some days/meals are better than others. I am also always prepared to get up and leave the restaurant (with the kids, of course! ha!) and get the food to go if it gets really bad. I have done this several times. Good luck!!

 

I think the there are several keys to successful eating out. First we starting going to restaurants when they were very little. We had/have toys reserved specifically for eating out, for example I don't let them do playdough at home only when we eat out. I always bring them when they are hungry (would you sit still and watch someone else eat?). I ask for the food to come all at once, for some reason servers want to bring their food first and then I end up having to occupy them instead of eating when they finish their meals. I also am willing to leave a restaurant if they act up, they often get dessert when we eat out, so the threat of leaving is scary to them! (we don't get dessert much at home) I have left with them in the past and they know I mean business! My kids love to eat out and are actually quite pleasant now, it just took some work to get here. The more you do it the easier it will get!

 

My two usually do well eating out. I bring toys, books, crayons, coloring books to occupy them. I also look at the kid's menu first and when the waiter/ess comes for the drink order, I put in their food order so they don't have to wait long for their food while we decide what to eat. I also will give my kids cheerios or yogurt puffs to snack on while they wait. I agree with the more you do it, the more they get used to it and it will get easier. Hang in there!

 

I bring snacks and toys and such. I usually bring their older siblings old DS game systems, or something else that they don't usually get to play with. Only for when we go out. And most importantly for us, as I have 2 rambunctious boys, we try to time going out to be just a little after their normal dinner time. Not so much that they are starving, but just enough that when we get there, and the food arrives, they are ready to eat, not play. That along with the "forbidden" toy works wonders.

 

I always have our portable DVD player handy. Baggies of Goldfish crackers helps out too.

 

Yes to the bag of toys they don't normally get so the toys are all "new" to them and holds their attention much longer. I like the idea of play dough! I am going to add that to the bag plus a few mini cookie cutters.

We have eaten out enough that the kids know what to expect so that helps and they don't squirm to get down and run around since it's not new to them.

My older ds loves cars and we would take those Hot wheel cars to the restaurants and play crash or hit the napkin holder and that would entertain him forever!! Now that he is older, he likes to play games that I have found for him on my iPhone.

 

Sorry, double post.

 

Our two have been eating out since they were very little. I think that's been the biggest help. Also, we let them bring one toy of their choice (baby, truck, stuffed animal- anything that doesn't make noise) and that helps. We still have issues sometimes, but for the most part they do pretty good.

 

I'll also say that sometimes you just have to know your kids and whether a restaurant is doable for them. My kids are three now, and they have been to fast food restaurants (McD's, Dairy Queen, etc) probably 10-15 times in their lives, Panera a handful of times when they would still sit in a stroller, a quickie Mexican restaurant twice and a Chinese buffet twice. My DD is typically fine, but DS has to explore and cannot stay seated in the high chair or booth. No distraction, toys, snacks, etc, will work longer than 10 minutes total for him. We've found that it is just not worth the stress to bring them to restaurants unless absolutely necessary. For socializing, we tend to invite our friends with children over to our house for dinner and then to hang out afterwards. The kids are in a safe, familiar environment that is childproofed, so we actually get to talk to our friends! And now that they're older, they are becoming great friends with our friends' kids.

 

Honestly, we didn't go out to dinner at that age. We tried maybe once when they were about 12 months (being too overwhelmed to do it earlier), and we managed to eat, but we spent the entire time keeping them from trashing the restaurant. It got better for us around age 2. If you have to go out to dinner, I think you're doing well if you keep everyone reasonably sane and actually eat your food. My twins are almost 5 and we still can't complete a whole sentence at the dinner table!

I ditto the tricks everyone else has said: Have special toys, bring snacks for them if you know there's going to be a wait, go when they're hungry. But also ditto the "know your kids" advice. Just because other people can do it doesn't mean it will be smooth sailing for you, and it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong -- some kids just can't sit still that long.

What we did do: Go to other people's houses (who have toddlers) and have them over to ours. Your twins will probably be better behaved in someone else's (childproofed) house than they are at home!

We really didn't, and don't, socialize with people who don't have kids around the same age as ours. We were lucky that the people who were already our closest friends in town just happened to have kids at the same time, and we've met other people since then. But we had a few other acquaintances who were either childless or had older kids, and it was just too difficult to try to keep in touch with them.

 

We also order the kids food with the drink order and make sure they are hungry. The more focused they are on food the less likely they are to get restless. My ace in the hole is yogurt puffs because they LOVE those. I will start with cheerios or goldfish until the meal comes and only bring those out if I need to. I bring their sippies to put milk in. Mine actually eat better when we eat out because they always want some of mine in addition to their own!

 

I see a lot of great comments above. I have just one thing we do a bit different. We have a special stuffed animal we call "Manners Cat". She has been with us since we started going out to eat with my older son. Manners Cat explains the rules and consequences of going into a restraunt before we arrive - then a reminder in the car. She comes into the restraunt with us (along with a few small toys, crayons, etc.). She reminds the boys about good manners if needed while at the table. In general, it works very well. The most important part is to follow through with consequences - going out to the car, etc. We also don't expect our boys to sit too long - waiting for food is the toughest part. So we usually take a quiet walk through the restraunt - places with large aquariums are the best!^_^

 

I see lots of good points here but the thing that stuck out to me about your post was that the kids had been fed already. I would suggest going out closer to their own meal time and take a few snacks along to occupy the time, but to feed them at the restaurant with you. My kids are always more wound up after they've eaten and I can't imagine trying to keep them seated while I eat separately.

Ditto the "new" toys (the small doodle pro's are great, they can't eat the crayons that way), some books, new cars, snacks, go early, go often ( we've been eating out randomly since birth), and be prepared to leave if all hell breaks loose. We had to leave before I finished my baked potato last night, we were at the zoo all day, Rylee hadn't had a nap, she didn't want UP, she didn't want DOWN, she didn't want food or snacks or juice or minnie mouse or her sucky....nothing worked. Time to leave! I gathered the four kids and took them outside while david waited to flag down the waitress for our check.

Another suggestion is if you aren't planning to get dessert, ask for your check as soon as your food comes. That way you can pay right away and leave as soon as you are done eating.

We've had comments from people on how well behaved our kids are when we go out to eat, even had someone offer to pay our meal if we'd teach him our secret! :lol: My kids all have bad bad days, but for the most part, they've learned very well how to behave when we go out to eat. Now I have more trouble with my 8 yr old's attitude than anything else! :headbang:

 

I would so love to do this, but we are currently in OT for feeding and sensory issues so the boys are just now able to eat maybe one jar each of baby food purees each day. And that has to be in a rather quiet, consistent environment. I bring things like crackers and biter biscuits with me to a restaurant, but I know that they will mostly just play with them and hardly ever try to eat them. That's another source of extreme frustration is the fact that I look around a restaurant at kids their same age if not younger eating kids' meals or chewing on cheerios, etc. and here I am with two little extremely sensitive pukers that are still mostly on bottles. I feel like if we ever have to feed them a bottle out somewhere, we always get these looks like 'oh my goodness, you still have those children on bottles?' I feel like going into the whole long sensory integration/OT story with strangers, but I just put up with the looks, comments or we just don't even go out when the boys need to eat hardly anymore because I'm so tired of all of that. I feel kind of like these sensory issues are not only keeping my babies held hostage, but all of us held hostage, too. I've gotten to the point where, like the other night out with friends, that I'm tired of feeling like I can't socialize or go out in the world like normal people so to heck with it all. We're living life regardless of who points fingers or snickers. But because of where the boys are with eating, that makes eating out a very difficult task to say the least. I guess we'll just have to put it all on hold again for a few more months and hope and pray that things get better soon. I am so looking forward to the day when I can walk into a restaurant with a bag of fruit puffs in one hand and a set of kiddie spoons and forks in the other and know that we are actually going to have two little non-puking eaters that will at least get a few bites of something other than purees in their mouths.

 

my girls are 19mos and i've only ever taken them to mcdonalds 2x and a chinese buffet once...i'm realistic in knowing that they're mostly likely not going to eat because they're excited so i fed them first so we wouldn't have any meltdowns...then, if they only had a few bites here or there it wasn't a big deal...toys are helpful too...although i noticed that my girls like to socialize with the other guests more than anything...and they also liked drinking water from the straw in my cup...simple things they don't get at home...i know it will get better so for now i'm just sticking to places that i don't have to wait long to eat like fast food or buffets...and i usually go at an odd hour and not during the busiest lunch and dinner hours...that def helps...you can eat faster and without the big audience in case they are noisy...and of course with twins you get that added bonus of being a spectacle no matter what! good luck!

 

I'm sorry I didn't realize, and I hope I didn't sound like I was being obnoxious! :hug: I can't imagine how frustrating that is for you!! :hug: It sounds like you are trying everything that's available to keep them occupied when you go out....but even if they don't eat, I do think practice helps make perfect Sometimes I'm embarrassed by how much we go out to eat, but when my older kids are in soccer or baseball, and one has a game at 5 and the next at 6:30, doesn't leave me much time to cook, so I end up taking the 4 kids out to eat by myself ( hubby works until 7). The kids know what to expect and, for the most part, how they are allowed to behave. It's faaaaar from perfect (last night was a great example of a failed meal), but I know that the older the twins get, the easier it gets to get out. :hug:

I know it's so hard to do, but try not to let the glances or looks from other people deter you from doing what you want to do with your kids! Keep telling yourself that no-one has any idea what's going on in your life, and they have no right whatsoever to judge you and your babies! And going out early would probably help too, because it won't be as busy letting your enjoy your meal with too many looks. :hug: :hug: One day you WILL be that parent who gets to walk out with just a bag of snacks, some sippy cups, and some utensils, it'll come! :hug:

 

You've gotten some great advice. The only thing I wanted to add was that we started taking our boys out to eat fairly early (probably 4 months old) and we started with breakfast at the local diner. We always had an "exit strategy" (DH would grab the boys and I would pay, leaving the food on the table uneaten ), but luckily this has never happened. I have to say it was actually a lot easier to go out to eat when the boys were under 1! ardon: So don't feel bad about the "well behaved 9 month old"; my guys were fantastic up until they hit about 15 months and it all went downhill.

I think this is a really tough age for going out. They're more interested in playing than eating (especially since you are dealing with feeding issues), and you're afraid of getting "those looks". I feel mortified when my guys even make a peep. :blush: Lower your expectations, go at off-times, and have an escape plan!

 

This is a tough age. We eat out infrequently. I took them myself to Mcdonalds over the weekend. I was amazed at how quiet they were but once they were done, they were DONE and wanted to leave. Apparently toddlers fill up after 2 mins so I had to hurry my meal. I think your meal went fine for this age. Just keep trying and be patient. I think extra toys, books, things just for them to gnaw on are good distractions. They will get the hang of it and someday, you will have dinner without fear

 

Definitely not taken as obnoxious at all. I just get so disappointed sometimes by how slowly the whole eating thing is going that it makes things like going out to eat very difficult not only logistically but also trying to avoid the weird looks we get when we break out bottles of formula for two very healthy-looking toddlers that theoretically should be eating food. I told my husband a couple of weeks ago that we should get t-shirts that have the whole long sensory integration/preemie story printed on it and we can walk by the people who give accusing looks and just point at the shirts :wacko: Once I actually sit down and think about how far we've come in a short period of time, then things do start to look more optomistic, but I still would love to pull up a couple of restaurant high chairs and just put a plate of chicken nuggets in front of them and envision happy little eaters.

All of the sensory/eating issues aside, thanks to everyone for the great advice on eating out with very active toddlers. I especially like the portable DVD player in the restaurant idea. I hate to foster even more cartoon-watching than they already get, but you do what you gotta do sometimes for a small piece of sanity. We may be asking for that DVD player for Christmas this year . But for now, I'll keep dragging our big bag of toys and books along to the restaurant and hope that the more they are exposed over the years, the better things may get.

 

Mine are 21 months. No advice but I totally know how you feel. My two are also soooo active. I have been saying that eating out is not really enjoyable for me anymore. I have had them be very hungry when we go and they bring their food first and like a PP said they eat and by the time our food comes they want to get down and run around. Or even if we all get our food at the same time they eat so fast and can't sit still. I am going to have to go shopping and pick up some eat-out toys as others have suggested.

Hope your feeding issues get better soon!