Pre-school (crying for mommy)

My twins are 2 years 3 months. This week they started a Montessori based toddler program. It's 5 days a week from 8:30am - 11:30am (Mon to Fri). Once they are at least 2.5, potty trained and ready they will move onto the pre-school "Casa" program. I can't say enough good things about this program so far.

My current issue is that my twins have always been clingy. They've never had anyone watch them other than grandma and grandpa and that is very far and few in between. I've been at home the whole time with them and been at their side always. They've had plenty of opportunity in the past two years to socialize but this is the first time that I am physically dropping them off somewhere and leaving.

This week I stayed in the classroom with them and bought a book and made myself look busy and would leave the room for a brief time. Problem is, that my daughter cries when she sees I am gone and is inconsolable. Then eventually my son gets upset too. I think once my daughter is okay, then my son will be too.

Anyone have to deal with a situation like this? How long did it take for the twins to settle in preschool/daycare etc? There are other kids that are crying too but with the twins, I find it gets stressful because it's two going nuts and feeding off each others energy. Please tell me your stories! Is it best to just drop them off and leave immediately? The teacher (she has no kids) wants me to transition, but the assistant (mom to twins and toddlers) wants me to drop them off and run. I agree with the assistant but of course can't go against the teacher. It's quite the situtation I feel.


Thanks!!

 

Both ways are valid and work for different kids.

I am teaching 3 yr old preschool adn have twins. My girls never had a hard time at drop off for preschool....but some of my 3 yr old students do. Some need the 'cut and run' --or they simply recry everytime mom/dad/ are gone or move toward the door (the drawn out is a lot of drama for them), others do well with the gradual approach (slowly they get more involved and start to play instead of w/ mom/dad). It depends on your child really. Sorry, I know that is not helpful, but it does. If one way does not seem to work and is just drawing it out. I woudl try leaving and then calling to check on your kids. I will say two weeks into preschool and we only have one little one that still cries at drop-off(but he is fine w/in 10 minutes and for the rest of the morning).

 

My two have been at a new school for three weeks now and still cry and cling at drop off. BUT, I do the drop and dash and happen to work in the same building (they don't know that I am here)and have peeked in to see that they are playing and happy literally minutes after I leave. The teachers at their new school said that they prefer for you to leave matter of factly and just say bye and go out the door. I don't know how it works other ways because my kids are in full-day because I work full-time and all of the other kids have full-time working parents too so nobody can actually do a transition like you have been attempting. I am sure either way is fine, but wanted to chime in that although heartbreaking to leave a clinging, crying child - both of mine get over it really fast and are happy as clams when I pick them up.

 

Drop and run! :laughing:

My 2.5 year olds have been attending their preschool for 5 weeks now and they still cry when I drop them off. As soon as I walk out the door, they stop. The first week or so they cried after I left, but now they just cry for me. I think it has become part of their routine! I have noticed that the longer I am there, if I am talking to their teacher, getting a cup of coffee, etc. - the crying is prolonged.

One thing that has helped us is that we have a consistent good-bye routine. I take off their shoes, give them their loveys, and they sit together in a comfy chair and I put their Thomas blanket on them. They then cuddle their loveys and cry (though they didn't cry yesterday or today) while I walk away. I leave. They stop.

My oldest DS was like this, too. I think a lot of it has to do with individual personalities.

Good luck! :hug:

 

Oh ya. If you're going to do it (which I have still not decided I can), lol, then you have to DIP out that door as fast as your legs will carry you. The longer you hang out, the worse it gets.

Good luck!

 

Thanks for the advice ladies! I'm going to do this Monday. I'll let the teacher know that I'm going to walk them to the door and then run like I stole something LOL! I plan to sit in the car so that way if she really needs me then I'll be around.

 

When we went to preschool orientation, they actually told us not to stay and to drop them as quickly as possible. That said, even with doing that Marcus spent the entire 3 year old year sitting on the lap of the teacher at circle time, because that is what he needed to transition. She would come and get him from me at the door, and stay with him until circle time was over, about 10 min. Then you would never know he had a problem, he was off with his friends.

 

We're starting at a Montessori preschool tomorrow, and an interesting point they made about separation is that anticipating separation is often worse than separation itself. They also encourage parents to make a sweet but quick exit. (We'll see how it actually goes tomorrow, though...)

 

Oh my! I posted something a few days ago about this issue, starting preschool. I have been nervous for DAYS anticipating the first day of school. We had orientation this past Thursday and as soon as the parents left, one little boy started screaming and so did my DD. My DS was not bothered at all, he was busy with all the new toys. My DD has always been clingy and needs mommy all the time. My husband and I just left quickly and they said that after a while she stopped, but started again later when another child cried. I feel like I should have left earlier than some of the other parents. The first official day is Tuesday and I am so worried about actually leaving them somewhere. I am with you on this topic! My kids are the same as you described yours. I am thinking of a game plan for my sanity. I will say have fun and that mommy will be back later. I will then hang outside in the car for a while. They are planning on going straight to the park to play as soon as class starts. I hope to be far away so I can see them in the playground. I am praying sooooo hard that I won't get called and have to go back! Let me know how it works out for you! I'm glad I'm not the only one!

 

I did drop and run. It was heartbreaking, but it worked eventually. Cameron was the hardest one to break from. But the teachers are familiar with working with crying tots that miss their parents when they leave. The teachers would hug them and try to immediately get them involved with an activity. I was able to watch for a bit outside the doors since it was a one-way window so I could see in but they could not see out. It took a few weeks for Cameron to stop crying, but maybe only one and a half for Kiefer to stop crying. They are in school Tuesdays and Thursdays full day from 8am to 5:30pm or even 6pm. Now they run to the door and push us (me and their daddy) out ...literally! Kiefer doesn't want to come home immediately and Cameron just acts disappointed that he has to go home. They both love it there!

Just be strong and be patient. Don't act like you feel sorry for them. Act normal and happy to be there so they understand that this is a good place for them to be. Eventually, they'll understand you are coming back and to give it a chance.

I believe doing a transition may be harder for them to adjust to, but it is based on an individual situation. It's so hard to see your kids cry, but this is a good thing for them and you need to believe that too in order to get through this. It helped me so much to remind myself that I'm doing the right thing for them.

 

Oh man. It's tomorrow. I'm soo sick over it. I'm going to do it tho. I have to. SCARED TO DEATH here.

Let's pray for each other.

 

I taught elementary school for 14 years...4 of which was in Kindergarten and we found that it was usually best for the parent to leave right away...the longer the parent stays the more anxious the child became about when the parent is about to leave. Preschool is a good time to get them used to you leaving because the teachers and staff are very caring and more likely to give them hugs and take time to comfort them. Becoming a parent, I understood how hard it was to leave your child crying, but I also found it was probably harder for me to leave than for my twins to adjust! Once I left, the tears almost immediately dissipated.

Good luck!

 

I live in Spain and there is no such thing as a transition period here plus parents are not allowed past the front door!

I think it is better to drop them off and leave immediately. Mine are crying a lot these days when they go in (the girls have to pry DD out of my arms!) but they are fine within minutes of going in and they come out so happy which I find reassuring. I don´t like seeing them cry for me but I know it is short-lived. Also, as my two don´t associate me with being inside where they play, I think it makes it easier on them.

You have to do what you think is best but I would advise you to leave asap as it will only prolong the tears all round. GL!

 

I put my girls in a 2 morning a week MMO when they had just turned two and it was really tough. It was the same deal ... never used sitters ... I am a SAHM and ALWAYS right there with them ... well, they cried the whole 3 hours they were there for the first two weeks ... after two weeks the teachers would call the parents to come pick up early if they cried longer than 2 hours straight ... I had to come pick them up early for about 2 or 3 weeks then it dwindled down to only crying for an hour straight then to off and on all day then to only at drop off ... and I hate to tell you but it was at least the first six months before they were only crying for a short time at drop off ... and getting them there ... dragging them out of the house crying and holding them down in the carseats so I could buckle them in (fought me bc they didn't want to go) ... oy! It was terrible for a while ... BUT ... all that being said ... STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!! Lucky for me, the teachers were GREAT and were like ... they are READY you should NOT take them out of the program ... they are just slow to adjust (they are really tiny, too, and the teachers said they were very shy and quiet with all the other bigger kids running around) ... anyway, I was lucky that the teachers were sooooo willing to work with them and deal with all the crying. It was soooooo hard on me and I would cry right along with them (after I dropped them .. I agree that the drop and run and never let them see you upset is the best way to go) ... but at the same time, they were learning soooo much and they would talk about their teachers and little friends and what they were learning and doing and when I went to pick them up (they had a one way window where I could peek in) they generally (after the first month or so) would be having fun and playing. And this year (they are 3) it is like I have 2 different kids ... not one tear has been shed about going to school and they love it ... I have always heard that if you wait until they are 3 to start it is even harder then to start when they are 2 so I think you are doing the right thing and it will pay off big time ... just hang in there and I know it is so hard to hear them cry. What seemed to help them the most was when our baby was born I couldn't drive for 2 weeks (C-section) so my husband took off work and took them ... they didn't cry for him ONE time ... the little stinkers! So by then I knew they were "playing" me ... after that two weeks of him taking them they were really fine for me the rest of the year (too bad that wasn't until February! =) Well, hang in there and know that you are doing the right thing and hopefully your little ones will be less hardheaded than mine were! But even if not, they will come around!