lack of schedule

There are a lot of posts about schedules, but our LO's are so sporadic that it is driving me crazy. Some days they nap 1.5 hours twice a day, some days they nap 30-45 minutes three times a day. They eat at pretty consistent times, but the lack of schedule for naps is driving me nuts. Anyone been through this? I mean, I can control the time I put them down, but not how long they sleep. They are teething, too, which doesn't help.

 

I should also add, they have started waking up between 5:15 and 5:30 every morning now, so that is part of the problem. Normally we wake them about 6:15 because of our work schedules. I'm not sure why they are waking up earlier - they go to bed about 7:30, and that hasn't changed recently.

 

Naps are a battle. What I did was to just put them down, and they had to stay in their cribs for 20 - 30 minutes no matter what at certain times of the day. The first few times there was a lot of yelling, then they would play and chat, now they sleep. Pick two non-negotiable nap times during the day and put them down at those times no matter what. If they stay awake for the duration of that nap, that's fine, do the same thing tomorrow until they get it. If they're waking in a happy mood at 5:30, wait until their normal wake up time to get them out of their cribs. It's tough, but they do adapt to your schedule!

 

In the mornings, I always check on them (make sure they aren't stuck or whatever), but then try to leave them until at least 6. They are usually okay. Naps are a different story - they start screaming after just a few minutes.

I've been having this schedule debate with my mom - she says my brother and I never had a schedule and I should just let them sleep whenever, but I think they (and I) NEED scheduled naptimes. I'm so glad to hear someone else say to make them adapt to my schedule - that is what I was thinking, too, so I know I'm not totally crazy at least!

Anyone else have opinions?

 

We don't do a schedule either but only cause that is what works best for us. But, I wouldn't feel at all bad about putting them on a schedule either! Do what works for you--and if they yell, play and chat, well then so be it! No you can't control whether they sleep, so control the one thing you can--which is when they go into their cribs.

 

I don't remember how long it took, but when we started really enforcing the schedule (really early, like 8 weeks) there was just no choice. Breakfast was at a certain time, then nap, then lunch, then nap, etc. They were forced to stay in there at those times no matter what and weren't allowed to sleep at any other time and it took no time at all for them to adjust. They learned quickly that they weren't getting out and then learned they might as well sleep. For early morning wake-ups, we just enforce the don't get out of cribs until 7:00 rule. Regardless of when they wake-up - they don't get released from cribs until then and started sleeping until then pretty quickly. If I was trying to start a routine at this point I would just know going in that I would endure a few bad days if they didn't nap at the appointed time but that they would eventually start napping then. Good luck!

 

Oh naps. How they drove me crazy. I had one who was a consistent sleeper. Then I had another, who to this day, I am CONVINCED he just wanted alone time with mommy! :laughing:

We had the same schedule for naptime. They always went down together at the same time, two times a day, then once a day. But the length of the nap, I could never control, and it drove me bonkers. I would leave Anthony up there for naptime, and he would cry and scream. I could tell by the cry if he was going to go back to sleep or not. If after 5/10 minutes and he wasn't stopping, then I would get him. I didn't want TWO cranky babies. And some times, he would just fall asleep with me on the couch.

Are you putting them down within 90 minutes/2 hours of them being awake? I found that if I didn't stick to that, then nap would backfire. It was as if I missed the window of sleep! Good luck! They are almost three, and I STILL can't count on the length of naps. Some days it can be one hour, other days close to three....

 

I used to do the 90 minutes when they were smaller, but now they want to stay awake longer and will NOT go to sleep 90 minutes after they get up.

I've been reading about the 2-3-4 schedule, but it just doesn't work for us. If I put them down two hours after they get up (typically up at 6:15, down at 8:15), then they only sleep 30 minutes.

However, if I wait until 8:45, they are more likely to sleep 60-90 minutes (although it's still hit or miss). This morning, they were up at 5:30ish, and I put them down at 8:10. They only slept 40 minutes. Then they wanted to sleep again at 10:30-12 and then from 3-3:45. Some days they nap two longer naps. They are just all over the place - even at night. Some nights they sleep all night, other nights they wake up 5-6 times. They are teething all four top teeth, too, which doesn't help.

I'm a very scheduled person and this is just driving me nuts. :silly:

 

I live by my schedule! I also started to enforce some kind of schedule very early on. First, with bedtime. It's always been at a set time since the boys were 8 weeks or so. I did not start a nap schedule until later, but then I followed the 2-3-4 schedule just like you.
Here is what I would do. I think at this age they should be ok with two naps. Naps, bedtime and such works best if its always or almost always at the same time. So regardles when they wake up 5.30 or 6.15, put them to bed at 8.45am. Every day. They sleep however much they sleep. Then keep them up until after lunch and put them to bed let's say 12.30pm. Every day. After a few days/week they'll get used to this. They may not always sleep the same amount of time (it depends on a lot of things anyways). Eventually they will get tired around their nap time.
This worked for me well.

 

I have tried that, but sometimes it is almost impossible to keep them up. Their wake up and bedtimes are consistent - I always make those be the same. But the naps are so off and on. It seems like they SHOULD be okay with two naps, but if they only take two 30 minute naps, then they are impossible by about 4pm and want another catnap. If I don't let them take that extra nap, they want to go to bed at 6pm instead of 7:30, which messes up the eating. This is all SO frustrating. I'm a person who thrives on schedules and I just wish I could find something that would work.

 

We go by the 2-3-4 schedule and have been doing so since they were about 8 months old. It works like a charm! At first they needed a modified version of that because they were transitioning from 3 to 2 naps a day but it didn't take them long to fully adapt to the new schedule. Now they go down for naps without a peep! Just in case you don't know what the 2-3-4 schedule is, this is how it breaks down: 2 hours after they wake up they go down for their first nap. 3 hours after they wake up from their first nap, they go down for their second nap. And then 4 hours after they wake up from their second nap, they go to sleep for the night. You don't need to be super strict about the timing either. Sometimes they need to go down for a nap a little before their "scheduled" time so watch their cues. And again, if you decide to try out this schedule just realize that there will be an adjustment period so stick with it for at least a couple of weeks. Good luck!

 

I've heard so much about it, but I just don't see how it can work for us since most days they only nap 45-60 minutes at a time. It would be like this:

6:15 wake (they have to get up no later than this due to work schedules)
8:15-8:45 nap (if I put them down this early, I am lucky if they sleep 30 minutes)
11:45 nap (until 1:45 at the latest, probably more like 1)

That then means they would have to be in bed at 5-5:45pm. If I put them to bed that early, they will be up at probably 4am. Right now they go to bed at 7:30, and most days are up between 5:30 and 6. They simply don't sleep or nap enough to make this work. Does anyone else have kids who just don't sleep that much??

 

When my LOs were your age, they were still kind of taking a 3rd catnap in the evening. They go to bed at 8pm. So that means that they would have a short (usually 30-40 mins) 3rd nap before bed. If you like going for stroller walks with them, the evening is a great time to go because they will probably snooze a little while you're out. Also, mine went through a stage where they took shorter naps. Once they get into a good nap schedule, it's possible that they will stretch out these naps. Also, do you go to them as soon as they start fussing? Do you let them fuss a little bit? Sometimes mine will wake up early and start crying but very often if I just wait for a few minutes the crying stops and they go back to sleep. Obviously you can tell when their crying is more frantic and less likely to stop so go to them at that point but if it doesn't sound too dire, let them fuss for a few minutes and see if they'll drift back to sleep. There are also other things you can try to help them sleep longer. Do they wake up like clockwork after 30-40 minutes? Again, it could be that they can't get back to sleep on their own and may need some help. You could try some soothing techniques to help them drift back to sleep (though this never really worked for me because once they saw me they fully woke up). Or you could try going in just before the time they usually wake up and start patting their backs/heads and soothing them so that they never fully wake up and go smoothly into the next sleep cycle (that technique is from Elizabeth Pantley's "No-Cry Nap Solution"). Is there any way you can separate them for naps? My girls sleep in separate rooms for naps because one needs less sleep than the other so we separate them so one doesn't wake up the other. They don't seem to sleep as deeply during the day as opposed to night. You could set up a pack and play in your bedroom for instance. One more thing: putting them to bed earlier may actually help them sleep longer at night. It may seem counter-intuitive but sleep experts swear by it. Mind you, it may not work for your LOs. If you want to try putting them to bed a little earlier, do it gradually - putting back their bedtime by 5-10 minutes every 5-7 days. Good luck!

 

I don't go in as soon as they start fussing, day or night, unless it is a frantic cry, like they are in pain, have an arm stuck, etc. They don't wake up like clockwork either - Michael actually slept for almost two hours this morning, not a peep. Gabriel was up after 50 minutes. Some days is it the reverse, and there is no way to predict what it will be until it happens. And if they see me, they do wake up completely, too. Separating them is not an option either - I wish it was. We have two very small bedrooms - not even room for a pack and play, not to mention our bedroom is actually a pass-through room to the porch and backyard where we let the dogs in and out. I would love to be able to separate them and do some modified CIO, but we just don't have the space.

I have thought about actually trying to put them to bed earlier and see if that helps. I'm not sure I can manage it because evenings are so hectic anyway - by the time I get done with feedings, baths, etc., it's almost always 7pm when they get their bottle. But I will try and see what I can do. Maybe if I do it 5-10 minutes at a time like you said I can get used to it, too.