Need advice on so many topics! I'm terrified of the 2's!

My LOs turned 2 about 5 weeks ago. They have surely come a long way in their physical development, which is so amazing and wonderful, as they are much more independent now. I don't know why, but I've been terrified since they turned 2 because everyone is so negative about children turning the "terrible" two's and having twins makes me worried that I'll experience double the pain of this phase. Potty training is on my mind a lot and mainly because other singleton moms are stressing me out! I have one (we'll call her Mom A) that started PT her little girl well before she was even 2. I saw her at the mall and she bolted like lightning because her little girl had to potty. I was scared that would be me with two kids, running back and forth trying to find a bathroom at a mall. No way! Then there's another who has a little boy that's almost 3 months older than mine that was almost PT, but went backwards and is now back in diapers. Really, when were your LOs physically and psychologically ready? I think my DD is uncomfortable when she is dirty or wet and lies down when she wants to be changed, she will even tell me right before she does it. My son can walk around in his filth and won't say a word. Should I wait until they are both more mature so the process is easier and I can do both at the same time?

Onto another issue- meal time. This has been THE most dreadful time of the day for me since they were around 9 months old. It's 90% of the time a struggle to have them eat what I give them. It's frustrating when they don't eat and I feel like a failure that they don't eat all the vegetables, like Mom A's daughter eats. I know I should not compare my LOs to others, but all I see on her Facebook posts is how much her little girl is doing, which always seems so advanced- or maybe she's pushing her too hard. Either way, how have you introduced new (nutritious) foods to your kids? They loved one thing last week and hate it this week and so forth. I am at the end of my rope and I am so tired of being angry and frustrated all the time. I just want to love and enjoy my kids. Any advice you have with dealing with this phase will be soooo appreciated. I'm exhausted...

 

:hugs: One day at a time! It's tough I tell ya-but it honestly is not all that bad-and my boys are almost 3! I hear three is wayyyyy worse than 2-so you should be golden!

PT'ing: At the age of two-that was the FURTHEST thing from my mind. I wanted nothing to do with it for fear of being locked in my house forever. :laughing: I potty trained the boys in one weekend, essentially one day for Nicholas. It by far was one of the easiest things to do. Was it because they were ready? I don't know. Was it because they were older? I don't know. It just happened. They went straight to underwear that first day-all day-even when sleeping-and there was no turning back. When we go somewhere-they pee right before we get in the car. And then, I have a portable toilet that they pee in when we get to the destination. I then bring it in a bag with me, as it doubles as a toilet seat on top of the adult size toilet. But, we really haven't ventured to a mall or anything so it hasn't been needed. My boys were almost 34 months when we potty trained them. Best thing ever. Not nearly as bad as I thought. There is no right or wrong age. Not only do THEY have to be ready, but YOU have to be ready!

Meal Time: Oy. In this household, what's on the table is what is for dinner. Nothing else. Breakfast/lunch I usually give a choice, provided we have some. But dinner time-if I'm cooking pork chops-then that's what it is. I'll also serve a veggie and a starch, and then fruit. They don't get their milk until they've eaten a fair share of their meal. We are also in the stage of, "What's for lunch Mama?" I respond with whatever it is and get, "I don't like that." Well great. Don't eat it. This isn't a buffet. If they love it today, I guarantee they will hate it tomorrow. Just go with the flow-as frustrating as it may be! I also have a rule-if they've had it before-two bites for their age. If they haven't-one bite. If they don't like it fine. Don't eat it. But I try to have at least one item that they will eat. And then try to always have fruit on hand as well.

As for enjoying them-it just gets sooo much easier! They can climb in and out of their carseats, they can put on shoes(crocs), they can go and get things for you, they TALK-and the sh!t they say! :laughing: They are becoming such little amazing people! Their minds are just constantly on the go, exploring and wondering about the world around them. They can walk hand in hand(usually). You can go places with them without a stroller(we got rid of the double stroller-but they do great at the zoo, park, etc). Each age has it's challenges, but it also has many, many more advantages and wonderful memories. It is what you make of it! Enjoy them! They grow so fast! I know I have MANY days where I want to pull my hair out, but gosh, I feel like they were babies yesterday, and in two months they will be three already. It's just amazing to watch them grow into these wonderful little people that you helped create! Minus a tantrum or two!

 

I honestly didn't find the twos to be terrible. I found 16-22 months more difficult, by two their communication was improving rapidly and they were more able to express to me what they wanted and to understand my reasons for why they had to do things. Of course there were still tantrums when they couldn't have their way and arguments over toys and things but generally they were very manageable. Two was such a great age for watching their personalities developing more and I love it when they get old enough to have little conversations with you and start imagining things and playing more involved games. I think the more you can relax and not compare them to others the more you will enjoy them for themselves and their unique characteristics.

On potty training we waited until they were older. Alyssa and Bryony were 3 months away from turning 3 (we tried a couple of times earlier and they just weren't ready), Naomi trained about a month before her 3rd birthday and Luke was about a month after. It was so much easier to have them at an age when they could really understand. They really do need to be ready for it and (equally importantly) so do you-pushing them before that will just lead to stress on both sides. Some children will be ready as early as 18 months, others not until they're 3+. It sounds like your daughter is showing some signs of being ready, it also sounds like she might be ready before your son is, but that doesn't mean you have to potty train her right now. You don't need to train them both together, it can actually be easier to train them one at a time (even though you have to go through the process twice) because then you can focus more on each child.

Meal times can be difficult. You are not a failure if they don't eat as many vegetables as another child. This is a bad age for trying new foods, toddlers have a built in wariness for unfamiliar foods and the flipping between 'I like it' 'I don't like it' can be infuriating. I think the key thing is to not put stress into mealtimes and let it turn into a battleground. I know it's hard (it's one of the things I struggle with most) but if you can take a really non emotional approach to meals-present the food and if they eat it great, if not fine, but there's nothing else-they will probably eat better and grow out of their fussiness. I try and remember that eating is one area when they have total control and that's why they can be so difficult about it. It can be helpful to look at their food consumption in weeks rather than days as often toddlers will not eat much for a couple of days and then make up for it by eating more the next few days. Looking at what they eat over a week can give you a more balanced picture.
Trying to have one thing they will eat is a good idea. I also tried to introduce new things either in combination with something they really like or that is similar to something they like and point out the similarities. For example if they like tomato pasta but aren't keen on meat try chopping some cooked chicken and mixing it in with the pasta sauce. I got Alyssa to try carrot sticks by explaining that they were "munchy crunchy, like apple" which was her favourite fruit. My lot were also more likely to try things if I put grated cheese on top or gave them a dip for finger foods-it doesn't have to be ketchup or mayonnaise, houmous or guacamole or even pureed carrots can work just as well and are nutritious themselves.
Giving small portions can also help, sometimes small children can be overwhelmed by having too much food on their plate. It's much better for them to ask for/be given more. What I did is make the amount of food I think they should be eating, and then put only 1/2-3/4 of that amount on their plate/bowl. If they finished it all I offered them seconds. If I was introducing a new food or giving something they were still unsure of I would put half of the food they liked/were used to and a really tiny bit (like two bites) of the new food. Often they would eat the established food first and then when they wanted more of that I would ask them to try a bite of the new food first. I didn't push it if they really didn't want to but it worked a lot of the time. I always thanked and praised them for trying a new food. My other rule is that the new food must stay on their plate even if they don't eat it and they are not allowed to say yuck about a food at the table, because if one tried it and said yuck the other would refuse to try.
Also experiment with different ways of cooking/serving the same food and try vegetables both raw and cooked. Alyssa liked her "munchy crunchy" raw carrots but wouldn't eat cooked ones for anything. Eleanor and Ethan eat (raw) grated carrot more happily than carrot sticks. Luke would eat cooked tomatoes, as pasta sauce or in a casserole/hot pot, no trouble but wouldn't touch salad tomatoes. The older girls would eat lasagne but not spaghetti bolognese even though it's essentially the same ingredients.
Finally you eating with them when possible can really encourage them to eat better. If they see you trying and enjoying something they are more likely to want to try it themselves. It also gives you something else to focus on so it can help you to avoid coaxing/nagging them to try things throughout the meal.

That turned out really long(!) but I HTH, good luck with the terrific twos!

Edited to fix typos and spelling

 

My twins are 32 months old woah: as I just pondered this)...
I would say with PT, they will do it when they are ready (and you are ready too)...my ds started using the potty around 24 months (Dec/Jan) and was doing great until Easter time and then totally stopped. I do have him back in diapers now and he is taking a break from it until next weekend when we will try again.
My DD at 24 months liked to practice on the potty but explicitly told me that she wanted to wear her diaper, so I did not push the issue. When she went the first time on the potty, she never looked back. I would say she is about 95% day trained (we've been mainly accident free during the day with a couple of slip ups) and this week has stayed dry at night. One of the things I learned, is not to compare the kids to each other or with others on how they are doing with PT.
As for meals, my kids eat what they are served. I truly believe that they will not starve themselves. Don't worry about if they won't eat all the vegetables, I will praise my kids for trying the vegetables even if they don't finish them. My two like a little snack after dinner and I tell them that they can have an after dinner snack as long as they try a veggie, meat and whatever else is served for dinner. I have found with my kids that they are usually good with at least two meals a day and the other meal they will pick at.
We've got another 4 months left in age 2 and I have to say it's not as terrible as it's hyped to be...it does have it's challenges but for the most part I am loving how their little personalities are really coming to life!

 

Let me tell you a secret... when mommies talk, they bring up the things their children do well, not the things that make them crazy. A few might even exaggerate or outright lie. The truth is that every child has his/her challenges and amazing achievements. So, when you compare, you're not on a level playing field because you're not hearing the whole story!

My kids PTed very early. They love fruits and vegetables. BUT, they also enjoyed painting the house with poop and escaping out the windows. They destroyed countless household items. When I say that age 2 and 3 were relatively easy, it's because 15-20 months was a time when I cried a lot, felt completely inadequate, and thought about trading my kids to the circus. But would I post that on FB? No flipping way! See what I mean? So, congratulate your friend and know that you're both parenting your kids as well as you can.

As for whether to PT your ready-to-PT daughter when your son isn't ready yet... for crying out loud, why not?! Having her out of diapers means fewer diapers to buy and he might suddenly be inspired to imitate her. Stranger things have happened. And no, it doesn't mean you'll be in a panic to find a bathroom at the mall. I kept my kids in diapers for public outings until we reached the point of accidents being a rare event. We had ONE total public pee incident with a sick kid at the doctor's office. It wasn't even the end of the world.

ETA: I didn't answer your question about how to introduce new foods. I put them on the plate with a familiar food and said nothing about it. I ate the new food in front of them. If they liked it, it was added to the mental list of foods they'd accepted and I expected them to eat it the next time. If they didn't like something, I would still offer it again. At this age, they really don't know what they like/don't like and it changes over time so limiting their menu over a few refusals is unwise. Just keep offering.

 

Friends with kids the same age can be infuriating! Truth is, all kids have things they are ahead and behind in, plus you really don't know what they are doing to make their kids do that.

We're not even bothering with PT for now. My kids are 2.5. We'll deal with it when they are ready... I don't know any adult who isn't potty trained and I'd rather deal with diapers than having to run to the bathroom every time I go out... no thanks.

For the food, I gave up worrying a long time ago. I do my part and give them a healthy meal. If they don't eat it, oh well. I always give fruit at lunch (and sometimes snack). I don't believe in forcing your kids to eat something or offering the best stuff as a reward for eating the rest. I don't want to give my kids the message that some foods are better than others, or make them hate veggies because I forced them to eat them. My kids are way too contrary and would just refuse to eat them just because we ask them to. So most of the time they don't eat them, sometimes they do. We try to sneak them in stuff... they eat a good amount of fruit so I'm not worried about it.

 

as for PT - we had potties for them around the time they were 12-18 mos old...they used them as hats! Around 2 they'd start peeing on them but not regularly...2 weeks before their 3rd birthday Abby asked for panties and never looked back save for 1 poop accident...Ian was pee trained in a week about a month after his 3rd birthday...poop was harder but nothing about this boy is easy LOL!!!

as for food - well we still struggle with mealtime but I've now instituted a 4 bite rule (cuz mine are 4)...they have to have4 bites of whatever I serve before declaring "I don't like it"....most of the time they eat the 4 bites and decide they like it! if not then I know they've tasted it fully and can really declare no dice....

 

Don't let those other mommies bug you! Everything in time! I was that mom that attempted to PT my oldest a little after two and after months and months of trying everything and dealing with crazy messes, I decided to just wait. At 3y a light switch turned on and he totally wanted to do it and never went back. I fully intend on doing the same with the twins. There is no rush!

As for meals, try something different. Give them forks or spoons, or move them to the table or even a new style of food. SOmetimes a change in the "norm" really helps make things better.

Good luck and don't let those other mom's get you down!

 

Yes!! This is so true, definitely keep that in mind!


As for potty training, I wouldn't worry about it right now. They are young & there is plenty of time to think about it later. I, personally. think it is so much easier to wait until they are a bit older, when you are pretty sure they are completely ready, usually at that point it will be a fairly easy experience without a lot of regressing.

Food.... ugh, that is by far one of the hardest parts of having little kids! My two are really picky & they can (and sometimes do) make mealtimes very difficult. Breakfast & lunch at our house are pretty much whatever you want. So, I ask what they would like & I make it for them. Dinner is only one option & I put a bit of everything we are having on their plates, along with a couple of things that I know they will eat (a piece of bread with butter, slice of cheese, half of a peanut butter sandwich, etc). I encourage them to at least try a bite of everything (they don't always do it) but they aren't forced to eat it. Then, after dinner, they usually get fruit & yogurt, sort of as a dessert & I know they will always eat that. So, I know they are going to eat at least a bit of food before bed. I honestly try as hard as I can to not make an issue out of food. The older kids all went through this stage too & they outgrew it and are really good eaters now. Hang in there!

All in all, 2 is not an age to be afraid of or worried about. If I am completely honest, my very favorite age is from about 2 until they are around 5. They are learning so much, so fast & changing every day but they are still little & cuddly & sweet (and they still love their Mommy! :lol: ). Don't worry, just enjoy!! :hug: