Would this bother you or make you feel better?

As I've mentioned in other posts I do in home daycare. I have an 19mo in my care who just adores me. I have had others who were the same way but have always wondered.....

She doesn't want to leave me at night, will go and has AMAZING parents. Her mom has said to her dad "I wonder if she calls Vicki (me) mom" To which the dad replied "well I'm sure Vicki wouldn't TELL you that " For me I think it's great that I have such a bond w most of the kids and I think myself I'd feel better leaving my kids w someone who loved them and they loved back BUT I'm not a first time mom and I've never been on the other side. She and others HAVE called me mom, BUT I always correct them and it doesn't last long. I KNOW it bothered my friend how close her dd was to me when I watched her b/f I had the twins and I really don't want to step on anyones toes so I want honest opinions. I've also been doing this long enough to know that their parents are always more important to them later on than I am... but at such a young age they just want people to love them and care for them!

I just really do love kids and try to make a point of treating the kids I watch as I'd like others to treat mine kwim?

SOOOO would this bother you or set your mind at ease?

I also want to add I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, in NO way do I think I'm wonderful or perfect but just sometimes have this bond w the kids I watch!

 

This is a fascinating post - I love that you wrote on this topic!

For me this situation you speak of is a crucial point as a parent. We begin to let go of our kids a bit and accept that they can form other relationships, with the confidence of knowing that no one replaces mom. I have friends who have not dealt with this well, however, they are insecure in many aspects of their life so I would expect them to act this way. I actually had my friend tell me that "her baby didn't even cry when she dropped her off anymore" as if she was sooo depressed about it. I don't enjoy seeing my children unhappy. My girls LOVE our nanny they are with 3 days a week. They cry when she leaves. Then in 30 seconds they are into me. Kids are adaptable. And there is not a better feeling than knowing they have a good relationship with the person they are with, and they just seem happy. I think sometimes people become so obsessed with their baby that they lose their own identity in that baby, so when the baby starts to learn about existing among others in the world, it is a bit shocking to feel like we are not the 24/7 center (even though we really kinda are.) You cannot help how you feel, because you were influenced in the environment you have grown up in. So I tend not to be too harsh on those moms, but I do feel a little sorry for them as I think they will have a tougher time in the years to come. I still miss my girls terribly as I drive away, but knowing that they are not sitting there waiting for hours for me to return helps me feel better about leaving them. If the mother you are referring to ever would experience a very sub-par daycare provider that neglected her child most of the day, she would probably undeniably appreciate what you bring to her child.

 

I too would want my child to have that kind of relationship with someone that was watching them. But, I can say that when you're working and you may want to be the one with that child (during the day, but can't) and you can't wait to get home and be with them and then they cry when they see you, it can break your heart a little bit. Or they act like they prefer the person that is watching them over you, it stings. In your heart, you know they don't love that caregiver more than Mom, but to see the reaction and love they have for someone else when you are just so excited to be seeing them after a long day away, it can hurt. Of course, I would not let that affect the relationship my child has with the caregiver and it would be short lived. You want someone that is going to treat your child like one of their own and allow your child to trust and love that caregiver as well.

 

I also found this interesting and it would completely set my mind at ease. My oldest son is in pre-school and his teacher had told me at our first meeting that she knows she is doing her job well when a child accidentaly calls her "mom". At first this statement took me by surprise, but the more I thought about it - I realized I would much rather have my child happy and delighted to be at pre-school or day care than crying and screaming at the door. I have seen the unhappy kids and it tears your heart out. When my own cry at the door it kills me. So - sounds like you are a wonderful caregiver and the families you care for should feel incredibly fortunate. I would.

 

I agree with this! I hope that when my children start a program in a few months that they feel that way about the people providing them care. I will also say that my two have a tendency to call my DH "Mama" and my mother "Mama" when I'm not around. I know it would also break my heart to see my two crying as I leave :cry:
To the OP-Keep up the good work with the children you care for!

 

I have a nanny and as soon as I learned I was having twins I knew that I wanted to have in-home care. To be honest, I really thought that it would hurt if one of my children called the nanny "Mama". I already had a lot of guilt going back to work. But they never have (at least that I've heard), and I don't think it would bother me at this point. There definitely have been times when they have cried when she left, but Jack also went through a phase when he would cry when I tried to hold him, and only wanted Dada. That was tough, but he got over it pretty quickly and it helped me realize that they really go through different phases about who they prefer, what they like, etc. that are always changing. Also, for a while both boys were calling any random woman in a magazine or on the street "Mama"! :lol:

My boys love my nanny, and she is very careful not to "overstep" (if I'm home and one of the boys gets a boo-boo or is upset, she lets me go to them first). I'm really happy that they care for her and that they feel comfortable during the day. I know that there will be many people in their lives throughout the years, but there will only be one Mama.

 

Somewhat along those lines, I used to be an accountant for a restaurant and the owner of the restaurant and I were pretty chummy. And his wife was his administrative assistant so I was pretty chummy with her too, and one day the owner told me as I was getting off the phone, "I love you honey." :shok:

I had a good laugh with his wife the next day.

It didn't bother me one bit when A or R called someone other than me mom. Of course now they're calling me "momma" instead of "mommie" and *that* drives me nuts.

 

Hmmm, good post from the other side. I never thought about daycare providers having to worry about kids calling them mom or dad, but I guess they do....

Honestly I think it depends on the person. Some people are jealous and controlling and would have a cow over a child calling someone else mom. But for me, personally... especially when the kids are around that age they tend to call everyone REALLY close to them mama or dada, and I think maybe explaining that to parents might help them cope that it is a developmental phase? With this in mind, I think ANY parent, even if the jealous/controlling type, would feel glad that you have a connection with their child.

Anyway, me personally when I did hear mine call someone else mama I did have a little twinge (but that is mostly because I worry about their speech comprehension, they are both delayed in speech) but when it was at daycare it made me glad because I know they love the people at their daycare and feel comfortable, connected, or loved. So gut reaction is a twinge - not because I'm jealous but for an instant I think they don't understand language- but it also makes me feel better. BTW, when they did this for ours, because they have a speech delay, we didn't tell them "no that's not mama (because that actually hinders speech development) but we will say something like "Stacey!" with a smile in a fun way, or "I'm sorry, sweetie, mama's at work, but Stacey's here"...)

Besides, for us our children spend more waking hours at daycare than with us which does suck, but that is a reality for working parents so we should WANT our kids to have a good connection and feel like where they go during the day is (also) home and family.

So, long story, but the short is it would make me feel better.

 

I personally think it is great. My kids just started a new preschool after being in an in-home daycare since they were 8 weeks old. They loved their caregiver and still talk about her and the kids that were there. I think that is why I am having so much trouble adjusting to this new place - because they were always happy to see her and loved being there and I could tell she loved them, but now they scream and cry at drop off and don't seem to have that bond yet with the teachers or other students. It is sad when you think about how much time they spend with a caregiver if you work full-time and I did have mom guilt and loads of worries about them reaching milestones without me knowing it or calling her "mom," but that was early and I am over it because I know that they know who I am, love me and want to be with me, and don't only do those milestone things just once!

 

Thanks for your replies! DD1 always has had a special place for my mom and preferred her but it never really bothered me b/c it was my mom. This mom doesn't seem mad at me or really jealous, but when it's happened b/f I thought I should ask other opinions. I actually LOVE their parenting style and the way they are w her. I think they also feel like most of you, it probably stings a little but they love that she's happy and that is more important than anything!