Daycare drop off

I started a new job that has daycare included (woohoo!). My kids have been going for a week and a half and every single day is a complete meltdown by both of them. I'm talking crying, wailing, screaming, kicking, refusing to budge, having to be carried in under my arms, world class fits! I have tried everything I can think of - talking about all the fun they are going to have (they have a good day after drop-off and I have peeked in on them smiling and playing), being matter of fact and just saying bye, giving them something to remember me by throughout the day, letting them bring in their blankies, etc., etc. Any thoughts on ways to ease the transition? Starting the day off like that (it starts in the car on the way there with whining and "no school mommy" yelling) is just torture!

That brings me to another point - I am really struggling with discipline. I have tried 1-2-3 Magic with no success - mainly because I can't find a time-out place that I can keep them in. I have tried corners and rugs and chairs and have to physically hold them there with them kicking and rolling around, put in a pack -n play that they promptly crawl out of, their cribs which they can almost do the same and I don't want them to learn. I have tried stern no, like the pediatrician suggested, smacks on the hand, eye-level conversations, you name it. They aren't horrible, but there are some things that I really need to get across to them that they cannot do and I just don't know how. For instance - they have started pulling each others hair and body slamming one another, will jerk their hands away in parking lots, will refuse to sit in their chair to eat (do I just say ok, no food), or run away and take their clothes and pajamas off when I am trying to dress them. Any suggestions of things that have worked for you??? I am at my wits end! I keep telling dh that I am overwhelmed and that this is so hard and that I don't know what to do and he tries to help out, but the lack of discipline and listening and especially the whining and crying doesn't get to him like it does to me. I also fear that we are laying a foundation for kids that won't mind and I don't want older children that won't listen to me and that I have no control over - I know I need to get a handle on it now but I can't seem to find a way with this stubborn, willful little munchkins.

 

Honestly, I think you're just going to have to suck it up, the crying, sniveling, and general despair at being dropped off at daycare is perfectly normal. It's not where they were a few weeks ago, and it will take time to get through this change.

For a place to have the TO's, have you tried just putting them in their room, alone, with the door closed? You might have to child proof it a bit, but you'll have to do that anyway when they get to sleep in toddler beds. Or what about strapping them in their high chairs with the tray? The point of a TO is to have them away from you, away from the family for a minute or two, so anywhere you can put them safely and alone would be good. What about putting a crib tent on the PNP? Will that work?

 

I am having much of the same issues with daycare/drop off with my son. He cries all the way there, cries, sobs, pleads and it is so hard!! He had me in tears on the way to work today.
This is his second week at a new daycare and having a rough time adjusting.
Although the one thing that makes me feel good is that my older daughter (she's 6) tells me he stops right away. Also the dcp sends me pictures and I can see that he is happy. I have also watched him at pick up before he sees me and he is doing great!!
I think the fact that you peak in and see them playing and happy-you just have to realize that they are having some seperation anxiety but move on from it soon after you leave.
I try and be very quick and brief at drop off-the longer I stay and play in to it-the more worked up he gets.
It sucks!! but eventually they will be running in excited to be there!! I promise!!
(I went through this several times with my older daughter).

As for disipline-I do time outs and for the time being they seem effective. ardon:

 

love this whole reply. +1pt

 

Thanks Cheryl!

 

My two are the only ones that do it out of 10 new ones that started when they did so while I understand that it is normal, I was wondering if there is some secret that I am not aware of that other parents seem to know. I have no problem "sucking it up," although I think that sounds a little harsh when I was just asking for advice from people that may have found a solution. Luckily, it was suggested to me by the daycare to do a little art project at home and have the kids bring it to their teacher in the morning to give them something to be proud of and distract them so I will try that in addition to doing as you guys suggest and just putting my big girl panties on. Good idea on putting them in the chair with the tray - I do have trouble getting them to bend their knees to sit down and stop pushing the tray away with their feet but that will keep them confined and may be a great solution. I am comfortable with the babyproofing in their room so that may work too, although I am not sure how comfortable I am trying to walk up the wood stairs with a thrashing, flailing child . Thanks for the help!

Lesley - I agree that it is probably just separation anxiety, but glad to know that I am not the only one who feels horrible just dropping them off and dashing out the door while they cry even if I know that is what I am supposed to do!

 

I don't think the suck it up comment was meant as harsh. Maybe because that is what I was going to say too. I mean it like this: Sometimes it is what it is. My DS still doesn't separate well from me. He is 5. DD will go with any stranger who is nice to her. Liam just loves his mama and just told me that he cried at camp yesterday because he wanted me to stay. Some kids are just like that.

For time outs. I needed to just replace them 8,000 times before they got the message that they had to stay where I put them til the time was up. I still struggle with getting them to go to TO's and have had to carry a screaming 5y/o up the stairs to his/her room but it is well worth the consistency! GOOD LUCK!

 

Personally I do not think that is how Bex meant it and it is not what I agreed with it.

Doing childcare for all those years I have experienced many children reacting this way. I honestly thought this thread was going to be a question of "How do you deal with the separation when they are screaming? Do you stay for a time and help them adjust or do you drop and run?". My advice, because they do do so well after you have left, would have been drop and run.

Honestly if you know they are being cared for well, having a wonderful time at the center and you are okay with the tears. Some parents are while others have a very hard time. I would say and not in a harsh way, suck it up. I wish I had some other phrase to say. This time will pass. You chose a place they are enjoying. They are just having a hard time separating from the woman they love. You know they are safe and happy there once settled. Rest in that, give them time to learn this new routine and trust your decision to place them in this program.

If I can offer some other advice maybe you could start a new routine. Maybe give them a special treat on the way, something they do not get other than on the way to daycare. Maybe you could stop and get them a donut to share or a donut hole or if you are not into this type of treat you could get some other healthy snack that they only get in the car on the way to day care. This could help them calm down a little before you enter the center or maybe just give you a little peace in the car for a few minuted before you pull into the parking lot.

 

A week and a half is not very long for a brand-new daycare situation, especially at that age. IIRC, mine had the worst separation anxiety from about 15-24 months -- in fact, even though they'd been at the same daycare since 8 weeks, they still had screaming, crying fits at dropoff time around that age (and still occasionally do!).

The best things you can do are: stay positive, acknowledge their feelings but don't dwell on them ("Yes, you will miss Mommy -- I'll miss you too, and I can't wait to see you at 5:00!"), and make the dropoff routine SHORT and CONSISTENT. We did something like one hug, one kiss, one "bye-bye!" and out the door. Tell them this is what you're going to do (I can't remember whether toddlers that age can really process that much verbal information, but it can't hurt) and then do it.

Enlist the teachers if you have to -- warn them you're going to walk away from your screaming, clinging children and you would sure appreciate it if the teachers could help pry them off you and give them some snuggles. Any good toddler caregiver will understand that this is the best way to handle it. (Mine are in pre-K and the teachers still have to pry them off me sometimes.)

Then, when you get to work, have a nice cup of coffee and spend a few minutes surfing the internet or something. :laughing:

(I don't have any advice about the TOs -- I didn't use them and our "discipline" at that age was extremely inconsistent. But do remember that any trouble they're having adjusting to daycare is going to reverberate at home too. In fact, even when mine seem happy at daycare and have no obvious trouble separating, we get a few weeks of bad behavior at home whenever there is a big transition. We're going through it right now because they switched from "preschool" to "pre-K.")

Hang in there! It will get better! :hug:

 

When my girls went through this, I had them wave to me through the window after I left. This gave them a chance to say goodbye again, without the physical contact, which made separating easier. When they changed classes, and didn't have an exterior window, they would go put their faces against the window to the hallway, and I would tell them bye there. Dropping them off while their class was outside was always easier, too. Hope things get better!

 

The crying like that is really common. I think the best thing to do is act cheerful even if they're breaking your heart, give them big hugs and tell them to have a great time, you'll be back at the end of the day! The thing about kids is that if they see you upset they think something is wrong, even if you are upset because they've been crying all morning. :laughing: I had some real screamers when I worked in daycare and with the exception of one really obstinate girl they all calmed down within a minute of mom leaving.

As for time out - sometimes you really do have to stand over them or keep putting them back until they learn to stay. It's annoying and sometimes it takes a while, but if you can make a pact to be really consistent they'll shape up quickly. And by consistent I mean to make them do it the same way even if you're tired or busy. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've had to turn off the stove and go discipline some kids.

 

I agree, I also think it's their age... this too shall pass, especially if you see that they're happy when you peak in

I do that too, high chairs w trays or the PNP w the toddlers I babysit. Outside, it's the baby swing. I'm not convinced that TO really work at this age BUT it's more or less removing them from the situation and hopefully they'll forget what they were doing for few minutes LOL