Finally, I have figured it out!

I guess I am a slow learner! But I do believe that I have finally figured out to be a SAHM mom. I have always, always, always had a job. In high school, college and then of course in my career of choice. So when it came time to have the kids and then we decided I would stay home with them, I just didnt know what to do. I mean, I know how to cook, clean and take care of the kids. But "IT" is different. When you work outside of the home, you have a responsibility and a task at hand that must be completed and someone that will hold you to that task. Whether it be a boss or client, whomever. You get dressed and leave the house and have adult conversation and interaction. Being a SAHM mom you really dont HAVE to do anything. Well, except provide food and water to the kids and an occassional diaper change! LOL! But you get my point. Some days I have no energy and I (read kids) get by on the bare minimum. Microwaved chicken nuggets, tv and videos and a sponge bath at night. I have stayed in my sweats and t-shirt all day with no makeup and some days, I didnt brush my teeth! Gross! Its not like the kids care if Im dressed or not. And who wants to waste money on clothes and make up that are only to get ruined by food and poop. Not to mention the effort it takes to "do yourself up". Its so easy to fall into a rut! I mostly take care of the kids alone every single day. My hubby gets home late, after they are in bed. I do all the choirs, everything, even the lawn and trash. My husband works very hard to support us, and because of that we live a good life and I dont have to work. But I finally realized that I needed to find my own motivation. I struggle with it daily, to be honest. Somedays I have to make myself get down on the floor and play with the kids for hours. I mean how much peek a boo can a woman take! My kids are my life, which frankly can be pretty boring! But I love them with all my heart, and I wouldnt change a thing.
So my question to you is . . . what is your motivation? (besides your kids, thats obvious) I have found that getting myself involved in something that I am passionate about, besides the kids, is my saving grace. It works for me. What works for you?

 

working! :laughing: i don't work full time - i do contract work. during the fall/winter i work as a stage manager in theatre. rehearsals are crazy (i'm out of the house at least 10 hours/day, 6 days/week) but that only lasts for about 3.5 weeks. then i'm in show, which means i'm back home with the girls during the day & work in the evenings. i find those 3.5 weeks away makes me love coming back to be with them & see what they're up to & in to. :wub: i usually do 3 - 4 contracts a year.

during the spring/summer i work as a birth doula. most of that work is done in the evenings (interviews, pre-natal, and post-partum appointments) but having that time to get out & spend time on something i'm really passionate about just energizes me & fires me up for all the other areas of my life. then, there's absolutely nothing better than getting home from a long birth & getting two times the toddler hugs. it's always so sweet & makes me glad to be home.

 

I think you hit the nail on the head, finding something that you are passionate about. I love my kids, they are always my first priority but I also have to do something for me. I know someday I will return to work, so I keep up with continuing ed classes to keep current, DH and I have a gym schedule we follow so that we have kid free time and I love to read, so I do that on my spare time.

 

I worked for a long time from 15 years old to about 26 years old. I was on medical leave from my full time job when I got pregnant and when we found out it was twins we just decided I would be the SAHM.

I'm not going to lie it's HARD. What I miss most is that interaction with other adults that doesn't involve talking about kids and only about adult things. Things you just can get from 1 year olds, although they do make excellent listeners...lol.

I've spent many a day beyond frustrated for being cooped up in the house with two toddlers and no adult interaction in site since my DH works pretty much non stop and doesn't have much time to help me s I am ALWAYS on call, 24/7. At least with a job you knew you had days off that you could sleep in as late as you want and do what you want without a kid pulling on your pants, your hair and smacking your face aka "love taps". It can get very lonely for me and it's hard for people who aren't SAHM's to understand this thereby making it hard to relate to people who don't have this immense responsibility.

I just try and get through the days as best I can. I don't really get time to clean, I have to wait until someone can watch them while I get it done so it's not a regular cleaning which is annoying but I don't have much of a choice. When they nap I nap because I know it's short, they go down for MAYBE 2 hours once a day. And the moment they are up it's GO GO GO and they are on the move. It's not like I can leave their side to clean the kitchen that is right around the corner because if I turn my back a child is up on the couch and all I can't think of is "OH my god, they are going to fall face first on the floor. So it's that reason that I stay where they are at all times until they nap/go to bed.

So far I haven't found a whole lot I can do to keep myself from going insane when the boys are up. The computer is relaxing to me so if I can get it somewhere they can't reach I will get on it and play while I watch them. I can't fold laundry when they are in the room because for whatever reason they love to take clothes and hide them and/or put them on their heads and walk around the living room.

I'm up for ideas....lol

 

miss_bossy, you have the coolest jobs!
I think this is a great question and it's something I'm working on myself! I did some work this spring (as a scorer for Pearson--standardized testing and also as a graduate teaching assistant for a Counseling Theories class) and it really helped; I'm hoping for more work from both of those sources. I also want to start doing some structured activities--regular play dates, maybe become more active in my twins club, join a ladies' Bible study at my church--because I think that for me, simply having that structure and routine in place will help me thrive as a SAHM.

 

thanks! i feel so blessed to have found not one, but two, careers that i absolutely love & am passionate about. i know some people go their whole lives without finding one job like that, so it's definitely pretty awesome. :good:

 

I still struggle with this and I've been home for 5 years now. At this point I'm pretty much waiting for the boys to get older. I take what free time I can for me, even if that means not sleeping much, and I keep reminding myself that once they're two life will be much easier and once they're three life is easy. I am joining the local YMCA this fall so I can get myself and the boys out more while my girls are in school. I can put them in day care and work out, plus they have swimming and gym classes for them. Oh and my DH and I are instituting date night once a month. :woo:

The good thing about having older kids is that it forces you to take better care of yourself because you do interact with adults so much more. I spend a lot of time with other moms on soccer/baseball fields, at dance class, at school events, at girl scouts, and even drop off and pick up. I have a few good friends with kids the same ages and we try and arrange the same classes or teams so that we can hangout together during them.

That said, I still miss working. In my former life I was an attorney and I was good at my job. I like to joke to my girls that people used to pay mommy for her opinion and now I can't get anyone to listen to me.:lol:

 

Thank you for posting this topic. It really hits me home.

I'm still struggling with it. I loved my career dearly.
I think about going back often. Even per diem graveyard shift.
But it would keep me from enjoying NOW.

Keeping sane...just barely here. I just joined a 2nd MoMs group &
I can't wait to meet new people!

 

What an excellent post. Despite feeling that some days I am failing my children by not reading to them enough or spending too much time cleaning or fretting the small stuff, I recently realized that my main motivating factor in staying home is to be around to guide them and direct them each and every day. I have no worries that they are at a babysitter's place being mistreated, sitting in front of a t.v. all day, bullied, or being ignored. Some of those things happen around here every once in a while, but I am in control of their environment during their formative years, and I view it as an honour to be able to spend it with my children.
Interestingly, I want to return to work because I enjoy my job and the interaction it provides. Despite feeling that way, I am convinced that I am making the right decision to stay at home because I have the satisfaction at night of knowing what my children do each day. That is what is keeping me here, enclosed within these four walls and fences all day long... My other motivation is being able to raise them with the morals, values, and beliefs that I have, without the influence of someone else on these for the first five years of their lives. This sounds very old fashioned, and it may very well be, but I have no faith in other people instilling these important things into my children and that is what I view as my main role to be as a parent right now. As an aside, I work in the court system, and after 11 years of being in court every other day, I trust almost no one.
Thanks for opportunity to share.