parenting advice needed!

Some silly parenting questions....

1. So they smile a sinister smile at me when i say "no" and go right back to doing what they were doing(eating a shoe, trying to eat a cord, climbing on something, etc!). I thought about tapping their hands to get message across but dont want them to equate that with hitting and start doing that...what do experienced moms do? when do they start listening? what if they never listen? oh god help me. lol

2. They push each other constantly to get the other out of the way, usually to get to me or get in my arms. Is is possible to teach them this is wrong at this age or let it go until it is a concept they understand?

3. My son SCREAMS at the top of his lungs if he doesnt get a toy his sister has or when we try to change him(he wants to be naked and hates the diaper), or when he is waiting for food. cI keep trying to pair words with what he wants but not getting any better...any advice or it will pass when he learns more words? when do you start time out and how? is this a ridiculous question at 1 years old? sorry, first time mom here.

 

Hang in there - there is no such thing as a silly parenting question. Its tough and sometimes real tough. I think at this age demonstrating what TO Do and HOW to do it is the best approach. For every "no" give 10 "yes's" - really. Tots under 3 are never devious- they are built to explore, learn, test, test, test - and eventually push buttons to get the reaction or attention they want. I highly and strongly recommend reading " Becoming the Parent you Want to Be" by :Laura Davis and Janis Keyser. This book was recommended to me by a couple down the street who have amazing teens. All I can say is - I want my kids to be as awesome as theirs are and I know parenting alone will not get me there, buts its 10 steps in the right direction.

If you don't have the penchant or time (I rarely do) - then take a parenting class in your community. They can be even more helpful especially if they use role playing and its age specific. The book above is very easy read - and accessible. You can pick it up at any topic and there are many bullet point solutions to try.
Good Luck!
Sheri

 

Redirect, redirect, or more redirecting! Yes, it's exhausting and redundant but honestly it was the only thing I found effective at that age. Right now they are really too young to fully grasp cause and effect, therefore any type of punishment would be futile. They are just exploring, and all you can do is be consistent and keep them safe. Good Luck! This too shall pass. :hug:

 

I agree with Krystyn, at 12 months, we did a lot of redirecting around here. For example, if one of mine was playing with a cord, I would move them to something else more safer and just say "No cord". I did a lot of repeating of things they cannot touch or do.
With the pushing, I would just say "no push" or "be nice"
For the screaming, a lot of that is that he cannot communicate the way he wants to. I did not start time outs until my kids were 16 months old and at that time, I did them in my lap for one minute. I would take them from the main room and off to the kitchen and we would face the wall and not talk. At 16 months old the TO worthy behaviors were hitting, biting and kicking. Most of the other misbheaviors were still handled with redirection.
I also agree with Krystyn that whatever discipline method you do use, be consistent. It will take them some time to get it but they will.

 

I'm not really an experienced Mom- but I go through the same things with my twin girls who are 16.5 months old.

Anytime my girls do something they are not supposed to be doing (mostly anything that is dangerous-like climbing on the outside of the staircase, standing on the couch, playing with cords) I ask them, -insert offending child's name here-what are you doing?" Then say that will hurt if you fall. Why don't you play here and move them to their toys. I guess redirecting with out saying NO. I have this fear that my kids will be those "no" kids and that is all they will say because that is all they will hear...

When they push eachother it is mostly to get my attention or they just want me to themseleves. I usually sit on the floor and have one kid on each leg so that they can't push each other. If they do, the offender is removed until they calm down.

My girls both scream. One screams because she can't communicate as well as the other. I recoginize this, so I try to be more understanding and figure out what she needs. My other girl will scream and throw a fit sometimes regarding toys and sharing, and because it is this, I let her throw the fit (when we are at home)and ignore her (make sure she is safe of course). Funny, when either one is acting out the non-offender will ignore them too (which helps me reasure it is just a fit and not something wrong).When something is wrong- the other will get the lovey or pacifier and hand it to the cryer/screamer.

 

I agree with Kyrstyn and Nancy, redirection is still usually my first response. Unless it's something that will get them hurt (touching hot stove, standing on the little tikes table...etc.). I do slap hands for really bad things (banging on tv with toys, banging on my computer), and i did it with my older children and they never equated it with slapping=hitting is okay. As someone said, right now they are busy exploring everything and have no clue that some things are dangerous for them. I redirect but say at the same time "No no that will hurt you." or something like that.

Mine still push each. Especially when I'm feeding them a snack or they are trying to get to us to be picked up. I just keep repeating "It's okay I can hold you both, it's okay there's lots of applesauce here.." and remain calm. If one gets pushed over, I show them a little more attention for a minute and then pick them both up. They just don't understand yet that you have enough room for them both and think you can only hold one of them.

As for the screaming, I have screechers here, they screech when they want something, when they don't get their way, when someone steals a toy...etc. I am constantly going "Shhhh..." and putting my finger to my mouth when we are out at a restaurant because they screech when they want a bite of my food. I have no great advice except to ignore the behaviour as much as you can, because it only gets worse if you acknowledge it. But at the same time try to figure out why they are screaming at you, whether it's a toy fight or they are just tired.