A vent about age 4.5

I HATE IT
:headbang:

Nothing I do is right. Their response to every suggestion or instruction is "NOOOO!"Any action by one child sets off a violent reaction in the other one. Amy screams that things are "NOT FAIR" approximately 258342 times a day. She spits, calls me "stupid Mommy," and throws things. Sarah whines constantly that everything hurts, she's tired, she can't fall asleep, she's hungry, there isn't anything she wants to eat.

And when they are happy, theytalkallthetimeandabsolutelynevershutup and then they fight about whose turn it is to talk.

OK, I feel better. :blush:

 

I soooo feel your pain. Well, DH got some of it tonight when he was called "Mean Daddy" for not having the exact cup that Gabe wanted for his night time water that he's suddenly needing. It is always something and I seriously feel like I can never do anything right anymore and not make anyone happy. I keep telling myself I will miss them in a month when they are back in school, but I'm sure they will be super moody for a good month or so when they go back too. It's all a phase, right?

 

Oh yes, they're still figuring out how to express their feelings around here too. "I'm hungry" is the meaningless catch phrase of choice here. It could be thirsty, tired, needing a hug, bored... I really had to push back against the family members who shove food at them every time they whine that they're hungry because I know it isn't true and I don't want them to think food is the answer for their every need. I've started saying, "I don't think you're hungry because you just ate X minutes ago. Think hard and tell me what you need." If they don't know, I'll suggest that they "Try ____ and see if you feel better." (repeat until they're content) They're starting to think a little harder about what they're feeling but it's not easy for them.

And yes, nonstoptalkinguntilyouthinkyourearsmightfalloff is the norm and it's exhausting.

As for the outbursts, we had an escalation around the 4.5 mark but it was brief. I was pretty strict with them and either it worked or they are getting over it because it's a phase. Either way, it's a welcome change. We have never had the "mean mommy" hatefulness being spewed openly but I did overhear them talking about not liking their daddy. I realize they don't mean it and it's all part of working out understanding their feelings but it still hurts when they say these things.

You are not alone and I hope they get over it soon for you.

 

Alden, I could have written this post! It's been a tough day here today. Mine aren't even 4.5 yet either! GRRRR.... I am tired and SOOOO tired of fighting and tantrums and screaming NO to my face and just a general lack of listening.

Tomorrow will be better for sure. :hug: It can't get any worse right?

 

i don't know whether to laugh or cry..or be grateful i have a boy and a girl...because i have to say, young girls are INSANE...

 

Oooooh yeah. :hug: :hug: :hug: I have a feeling I will be in your shoes six months from now. :faint: Vent away sistah!! :hug: :hug: :hug:

WeAreAlsoAtTheNonstopTalkingPhaseAndSometimesIJustWantASetOfEarplugs!!!!!!!!!

Woah woah woah! :woah: I'm so glad you posted this!! One of mine says ALL.THE.TIME. that she is hungry, even minutes after she has eaten a good portion of food. Uh-huh, wow, okay. I think I need to put this into action. You rock!!!!!

 

:grouphug: It can definitely be a challenging age, but it is an age they will outgrow if we can just hang in there! And venting to other moms helps, it is always nice to know we aren't alone!

 

It actually doesn't really hurt my feelings that much -- I know they don't mean it -- though it hurts my feelings on behalf of DH when they never want him to do anything and will say "No, Daddy, I don't want you!" Even when they are mad at me, it's clear that they're also obsessively in love with me (for better or worse).

We've been determined to be more strict with them (particularly Amy), and hopefully it will pay off in time, but for right now it seems to escalate things. For instance, last night she picked out the dress she wanted to wear today, and I started to take it off the hanger for her. She instantly flipped out, screaming that she wanted to take it off the hanger herself. If I had just said "Fine, go ahead!" and put it back on the hanger, she would have calmed down. But instead I said, "Can you tell me that with calm words instead of yelling at me?" and she proceeded to have a 40-minute tantrum. So, I know that letting her boss me around like a slave is not the correct response, but sometimes I'm a little unclear as to what the correct response is. :blink:

 

Oh we are jsut a month ahead of you (mine are Oct kids)....one of mine may be a clone of yours. :laughing: I dont do ANYTHING right...doesnt matter what it is.

UGH!

Mine have gotten in the awful habit of if I am on the phone- they instantly need food, fight, have an emergency, or otherwise require attention. Drives me batty!!

 

I, too, could have written your post. My girls are only at 4 years and 2 months and this belligerent, unpleasant behavior is getting unbearable. I have more and more moments when I really don't want to be with my kids. I'm having horrible thoughts/fears that this behavior is just going to escalate and by the time they are teenagers I may not even like my own children any more.

I get called "mean mommy" or "bad mommy" or they tell me they hate me or I get "fired" at least 50 times a day. This morning "Don't SAY that, mean mommy!" was the first thing out of Sydney's mouth when I said good morning to her. I also get tons of threats that they will "be SO mad at me" if I do something or they will threaten to punch me in the face or they will threaten to (or actually) scream in my ear. Where did they learn this! I swear it wasn't at home. My feelings aren't hurt because I know they don't mean it, but I'm losing patience with this stage of development. It is a stage, isn't it?! Please tell me it is a stage!

Luckily they still have many moments of being sweet, lovely, loving, cuddly children, but you never seem to know when the switch will flip.

 

Oh yes, Amy threatens me too. "Mommy, if you don't let me do that, I will be so mad that I will NEVER stop screaming!" Sometimes I laugh in her face -- which of course makes her even more mad, but I just can't help it -- if I even pretend to take her seriously, I get too mad to stay calm! So I figure it's better to laugh at her.

I'm sure it's a stage. It's just not a very nice one.

However, I went to preschool and read to their class at naptime, and they were so sweet I just melted. Sometimes I feel like they just love me too much -- like the anger is the flip side of the love, because they don't know how to handle feeling upset at someone and loving them at the same time. So they have to make it be all my fault that they're upset. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws.

Anyway, it's a stage.

 

My DD tells me "I'm not your daughter!!" whenever I have frustrated her, which is often. Now one of my twin sons says it when he doesn't get what he wants. I can't help but laugh & tell him "YOU are right. You are my SON!"

 

Thank you so much for your post! We're frustrated a lot and we are dealing with most of the behaviors other people are describing too! My MIL probably thought I was awful on their last visit, but if she wanted to take the boys I gladly let them go with her. She was here 2 days and took care of them all day both days haha.
I've been praying for August to go by quickly so they'll start preschool and I'll get a few hours break a day.

Thanks again!

 

:headbang: :laughing: They sound like my 9 year old!

I've started responding to the "Your the meanest mother." with "yup. I sure am." My kids hate that. :laughing: "You can't agree. How can we argue??"

Boys maynottalkalkallthefreakintime, but they "sing" with songs lyrics like this-

Sing at the top of your lungs and repeat for at least 6 hours-

I'm the awesome guy, HO!
I'm the awesome guy, HUMP!
I'm the awesome guy, HO!
I'm the awesome guy, HUMP!

Works best if you bang the wall or jump loudly on the HOs and HUMPs. :woohoo:

 

:rotflmbo: