Do all kids do this or is it only mine?

Here is how our mornings go, every morning lately. Me: Girls, what would you like ____ or ____ for breakfast? Girls: Waffles! (or whatever) I fix them requested food. They eat a few bites, push it away and say they want something else. I usually say okay one time and give them a 2nd item. They eat no more than half of that and then are asking for something new. When I tell them no, they need to finish the first two things they wanted, they throw a tantrum. I put them in time out. They come out of time out still asking for something different to eat. I say no. They throw a fit. I put them back in time out. :gah: This continues all morning.

The other annoying thing they do is they ask for something to eat or drink, but then when sister asks for something different they change their minds and then throw a tantrum. For example, Lily asks me for a glass of milk. I get her a glass of milk. As I'm pouring the milk Amelia comes in the kitchen and asks me for a glass of ice water. I give Lily her milk and she proceeds to demand ice water and no longer wants the milk. :headbang: The whole time outs/tantrum scenario repeats until I give in.

I have tried telling them what they are eating for breakfast instead of asking them, but that doesn't work either. I usually just suggest 2 things and they choose one of them, until they start eating, and then they want something else. So many tantrums as soon as we wake up is really driving me crazy.

Should I stick to my guns and only give them 2 different items in the morning that they must finish before they get something different and continue to put up with tantrums/timeouts? Or am I being a mean mom in expecting them to finish an entire item? Same question for when they ask for something and then change their minds when they see what sister has.

 

Personally, I would stick to your guns. You are being more then nice in offering them 2 different items. I think this is one of those instances where they feel like they can test their boundaries to see what exactly you will do.
I would be super annoyed with that too, Aimee :hug:

 

I agree with Nancy. Stick to your guns. I would also limit the number of TOs. So if they throw 2 fits and get 2 TOs, warn them that after the second TO, they'll eat breakfast or get down from the table until lunch.

 

What they do after a few time outs is follow me around the house, whining. They know exactly how to wear me down. Or I'll come get on the computer (as I did this morning) and they'll sit at my feet, crying and whining for food. This morning I told them that whining for food was an automatic 3 and they'd go to their rooms until they calmed down. This morning after peanut butter toast and waffles, Lily decided she wanted chocolate.

What winds up happening is I scream at them that they are not getting anything else, I just can't take the following me around making demands.

 

I had to purposefully decide not to get worked up about food with my kids. My DD eats like a bird, and it used to drive me crazy! I'd try offering all kinds of different things to get her to eat more than a few bites. I also used to follow her around with her breakfast and make her take a bite every few minutes while playing.

Now, I usually just give them something for breakfast. If they eat it, good. If not, then I leave it out so they can snack on it later if they're hungry. Sometimes they eat breakfast, sometimes they don't. Same for lunch and dinner.

Every time I offer them two choices, DD picks one thing and DS picks the other. For breakfast, that's not too bad because it's not hard to give one a nutrigrain bar and the other a bowl of cheerios. But for lunch and dinner, I am not making macaroni and cheese and quesadillas or whatever the options were. So I try to not give them choices all that often to save my sanity.

I don't think you need to expect them to finish an item, but if they don't finish it, they certainly don't get something else. If they throw a fit about it, meal is over and let them go to TO.

 

This might be a good solution Aimee. If they are whining for food you can just say "Your breakfast is on the table." :hug: My girls know how to wear me down too.

 

I never give them a choice of what to "order" for breakfast -- it's either egg day, or oatmeal day, or whatever -- but then I also don't make any rules about how much they have to eat. If we throw out a lot of oatmeal some days, well, oatmeal's cheap.

The following around the house whining would drive me insane too.

 

Mine are a pain with meals too Aimee and the drink thing... :headbang:
I choose not to let it get to me most of the time-I have become a slave to my kids!! :laughing:

I actually dont offer up choices on meals-they eat what I fix or dont eat. This works for me but I havent asked how it works for them- ardon:

 

I give mine choices for breakfast and lunch (usually), but for dinner they eat what I fix. I agree with the pp who said leave it and when they are hungry they can come back to it. As far as the whining at your feet and following you around....when mine whine/tantrum, etc...I count them (That's a one, you need to stop or you go to your room..That's a two, if I get to three you go to your room...That' a three, go to your room...You can come out when you calm down.) It is frustrating, VERY frustrating, :hug: but I find by sending them to their room it gives us all (me included) a chance to chill so I don't blow up on them.

 

I hope this is just a phase.

 

I think if you stick to your guns than this too shall pass. :hug:

 

Food is always an issue in our house so it is the one area I do not offer choices for them on, they can choose other things, what to wear, what to play with, what to watch on tv.....what I do is make 2 things, like chicken and hot dogs for lunch and put a tiny amount of each on their plate (I make the chicken for the week on sunday). I put out one veggie and one fruit and at the end of the meal they get a starch, pasta, rice, or bread which they always eat no matter what it is. As for drinks, they never have that choice either. At the table, it is always milk. When playing it is always water and when first up from nap it is always juice, this is our routine/schedule so it is never questioned....don't get me wrong, we still have mealtime battles but it's more like someone takes 2 bites and all the sudden we are done....

 

We had to nip the changing their minds thing real quick. My one DD would constantly change her mind and we had to start saying "make sure it's what you really want, because I'm not going to fix you something else". She'd do it with drinks, breakfast, etc. She's just getting into copying whatever her older sister wants to drink/eat, although my older DD likes things that DD2 doesn't like (such as ketchup), so that backfires sometimes. I would stick to your guns and if they make a choice, that is their choice. If they finish and are still hungry that's different. Maybe explain to them ahead of time you will not be making anything else once they decide. It may take a few times and tantrums, but it'll click.

 

This is me too... I hope it's just a phase!!

 

This is going to be a really tough day. I just told them it was mac n cheese for lunch and they can take it or leave it. They both replied leave it. :headbang: They don't care, they're just ignoring me in their room playing, then they'll come request what they want when they are hungry.

ETA: I like that idea of a routine for drinks, I'm going to try that.

 

I stopped the incessant whining for "juice" by offering it at the morning snack only. When they ask for juice, I remind them they'll get it tomorrow morning with their snack. We do milk at the table and water otherwise, so we have a drink routine also.

Mine are younger, so they probably don't know how to request/whine for things so much yet, but I don't offer choices on meals, but try to serve them a variety at each meal so they can pick and choose off of their plate, and I don't make them eat anything. If they don't want to eat, I let them down and if they ask for food shortly after, I remind them that we'll be eating again soon. We do three meals and two snacks, so it's never too long before the next food comes. I read Ellen Satter's book, Child of Mine, and try to follow her methods, which seem to work well for us, but again, things might be different in six months when they're more articulate and opinionated!

 

Karina's been doing the same thing. They don't get a choice of food for lunch or supper, but I do let them choose what to have for breakfast. I've started making sure both girls make their choice before I prepare anything for anyone. I got into trouble a couple of times when I got cereal for one child and then the other child chose something else and then the first child wanted what the other was having. It can make a person crazy. Now the conversation goes like this:

Me: What do you want for breakfast?
K: Oatmeal
A: Cheerios
Me: Annelise is having Cheerios and Karina is having oatmeal. Are you sure that's what you want?
Girls: Yes.

That's that. After I give them breakfast, there is no mind changing allowed. There have been a couple of tantrums since I started this, but it's pretty much working for us now.

I feel your pain. It is frustrating.

 

Mine went though that phase too, it's very annoying. Eleanor has been doing this lovely thing this week of insisting she is finished eating and doesn't want anymore and then screaming as soon as I clear her plate that she wants that food. :wacko:
I always gave a choice for breakfast (well from about 2 years). I would let them change their mind about what they wanted only up until the point where I couldn't put the food back. So if they picked a cereal (we have 2 or 3 different ones usually) they could change to a different cereal if they asked before I put milk on, if they picked toast they had until I pressed the button down on the toaster and then until I started spreading which ever spread they asked for. If they wanted to change after that then it was tough luck, I'd tell them "you asked for x, that is what I made you." I did do a similar thing to Beth and state to them what they were each having to reduce the chance of them wanting something different at the last minute.
I think that you may be making the problem worse by allowing one change of mind, unless you're being very clear that it's the only change they get, from their point of view if you let them switch once why wouldn't you let them switch again?

Stick to your guns! :youcandoit: They might get worse for a little while, but once they realise that you are serious and no amount of whining is going to change the food they're given they will get hungry enough to eat. I hope the mac n cheese started looking tasty really fast! You could try giving them choices over smaller things e.g. what sauce-if any-they want to put on their mac n cheese. That way they still get some control and you will (hopefully) divert their attention on to less important, easier to change things.

 

About the only choice for breakfast here is the first boy up gets to choose between two colours of bowls for his Cheerios!

For other meals the only choice they get is the fruit at the end. We might offer applesauce, but they can switch it out for plain apples, mandarin oranges or sometimes yogurt.

It's milk with breakfast and as an evening snack. Water with lunch, supper, snacks and in between. My kids will only drink juice at someone else's house for some reason and that's fine with me. Marc loves milk and will sometimes ask for it out of the blue during the day. I usually offer him only water, but sometimes I give in to the milk request. This might happen 2 times a month.

 

I love love love the book Child of mine: feeding with love and good sense. Worth a trip to the library to read, anyone can get something out of that book.

I'd say offer choices in other areas like a box of spoons and choose your spoon, Or choose your colour of bowl but I wouldn't really continue to let them choose the food. Could you have a platter with waffles, toast with cream cheese, some fruit, etc. and then they choose off of the platter what they want and go back for as little or more as they want ??

I have VERY picky eaters and one is low growth weight so every bite is important. That said, I have had days where they are refusing to eat and I ask them "are you all done ?" ok you can go in the livingroom. I still have gates due to my youngest, and next I have her at the gate bawling. She will now sit back up and make an attempt at the food. I'm not against them going without a meal.

I think like daycares who have breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, supper.... they will always have another meal. I do understand how they can get to you sometimes and get inside your head. Twins gang up on a parent and it wears you down. Try to walk away and go somewhere where you can close the door and have some IPOD headset handy to listen to...

 

I ask them what they want before I prepare it. Once I've started preparing it, they aren't allowed to change their mind and if they don't want what was originally requested, tough. I throw a lot of food away. But I also offer at least one thing they'll eat, whether a piece of cheese, an apple, macaroni and cheese, broccoli.

I agree on leaving it out. I leave A&R's food out about an hour total, and usually towards the end of the hour, Alice will be back eating the rest of her dinner.