how do you discipline for tantrums?

i'm not really sure what to do - usually, we do time outs for actions (hitting, pushing, biting, etc) but usually ignore tantrums thrown because we say "no" to something. but i'm thinking that's probably not the best thing to do anymore. :unsure: how do you discipline (or deal with) tantrums?

 

We are still ignoring them - for the most part. We'll just leave the room, walk away and continue doing what we were doing pre-tantrum. Usually as soon as they realize they don't have an audience, they stop. I haven't yet had a never-ending tantrum - they are usually over and done with in less than 30 seconds. If one seemed to go on and on, I would tell them that if they couldn't stop throwing a fit, they would need to go to their cribs until they get settle down. That hasn't happened yet, though.

 

I don't really discipline for tantrums exactly, but I have found that removing them from the scene does help somewhat, so I have a bench by the front door that I will usually send them to so that they aren't in the middle of the kitchen floor or something. They know that they have to stay on the bench until they get themselves under control, so I guess it is kind of the same as a timeout except it is totally under their own control when they can come back. It has cut down on the tantrums with Luke (who is my most frequent offender), ignoring him when he was in the same room with me didn't seem to work very well & the tantrums lasted way longer than they do when he's on his own in the foyer.

 

I do 1-2-3 Magic. The book calls tantrums to saying no as a kind of badgering. We're getting to the point that I can stop a tantrum just by starting to count.

 

I do the same but I have also had them go to their cribs for some quiet time. I find that helps them to 'reset' and after a couple of minutes, they come down much happier. Now I am finding that whenever my DD is corrected, she just goes up to her crib and gets her pouty time on and comes down stairs like nothing happened...I guess she is starting to realize her triggers and rather then flipping out, she just takes herself out of the situation.

 

We remove them from the situation. We make them go sit in another room and if they really can't calm down, we tell them to go lie down in their bed until they are calm.

 

This is awesome. It gives me some hope! Although my DS is one heck of a tantrum thrower.

We used to ignore them as well, but some of DS's tanrums go on easily for 45 minutes and I was getting so sick of being terrorized by him. (He screams, tries to drag me by the arm to whatever it is he wanted that I said no to, kicks, hits, etc.) Now I ignore for a couple of minutes and remind him to calm down. If he can't/won't, then he goes to his room with the instruction that when he can act nicely he can come out. Sometimes he is so upset that he doesn't even try to open the door. He just stands in his room freaking out. Other times he runs right back out. If he tries to come out before he's calm, I will lock his door so he can't come out. It sounds harsh, but he's a kid who needs firm boundaries. He never truly calms completely down in his room, but when his screaming stops sounding so pissed off and more sad, then I'll go to him and cuddle him until he calms down completely.

 

I've noticed this with Luke too. Often when he gets upset or angry, he will just turn around & walk to the bench and sit on it until he feels better. Fewer & fewer actual tantrums these days!

 

Since they were about 18 months, we have put them in their beds for tantrums. It was a good place for them to safely scream and throw themselves around with minimal involvement from us ... it was a little annoying bc we have a 3 story house and their room is on the 3rd floor ... particularly when I was 8 months pregnant with my 3rd! At that time, we put a PNP (the "time out bed" in our room on the 2nd floor) and that served us well until they were climbing out of it ... now tantrums are less frequent so we have gone back to putting them in the bed. They are in toddler beds and one stays in her bed and cries and one runs around the room and throws herself against the door and etc ... one of mine just walks up the stairs and gets into her bed all by herself to throw her fits ... but the other, I have to carry her up kicking and screaming. They are allowed to come out once they calm down.

 

For us, it just depends on the situation. If ignoring doesn't work, then I will count. If I get to 3 and they are still throwing their tantrum or just won't let it go, then I do time-out, and if that doesn't stop the tantrum, then I move on to taking a favorite toy away for some allotted time, or taking TV time away, or something like that. In extreme cases, I will put them on their bed...sort of an extended time-out...where they have to stay until they calm down.

 

I ignore them. Occasionally one will say "mommy!!! pick up!!!" between cries and I'll pick them up and they usually stop.

 

First I try to put one (or both) in another room but if that doesn't work, they go to their room. If I send both, they typically have a little party in their room - which helps them get over their issue. If I just send one, the other will typically go "free" him.

 

DD rarely has tantrums but DS does almost daily. With DD I can talk to her and if she doesn´t calm herself down, I firmly tell her Im going to count to 3 then she will be put in bed to calm down. So I count and by 3 she is calm. We´ll have a cuddle and that´s that. With DS it is a different story as he loses control. He is learning though. I will get down on his level and explain why we said no or ask him to tell me what he wants if he is screaming for something. If he screams just for attention, he gets put into bed after 3 warnings to calm down. Now he rarely gets to the 3rd warning but we still have the screaming. If I walk away and try to ignore it, it makes it all so much worse and he can´t control himself so I have to step in and help to calm him down. In those situations, I take him away from where he is and go elsewhere talking to him soflty, giving him kisses and trying to verbalise what he might be feeling. It really depends on how the tantrum is triggered. Sometimes it´s easier than others but we´re trying!

 

We count them (123 Magic) and when/if we get to three, they are sent to their room. They may come out once they have calmed down.

 

We give them a chance to stop crying or go to their room. They can come out of the room when they calm down. It's amazing how fast it works at times. Often by the time I get the door closed they are saying "I done crying"

 

I give Ian till the count of 10 to stop crying and if he doesn't I tell him to go to his room (which actually usually just the threat stops the crying)...he's old enough though that 3 hours later he'll start up again cuz he didn't get what he wanted!