Concerned about favoritism

Now, I know Cameron loves me. We get along fine during the day. Both DH and I put him in time-outs for the things he does and the same things, though I'm a little quicker at it sometimes, but most of the time, we are both on top of his discipline. We both have blown a gasket with him and yelled for the same things (embarrassing truth, but nonetheless, there it is...we loose it and yell at him). I just don't see why Cameron favors DH over me. He's been doing this for a while since about the time we sent them both to school. It was either the same time or a little before that, that Cameron would only want his daddy to put him to bed. Do note that our bedtime routines are the same so it's not like his daddy does anything different than me when I tuck him in. Kiefer favors me slightly, but he's just as happy to have his daddy put him to bed. It hurts a little when we go pick them up from school and Cameron barely even acknowledges me and runs straight to his daddy. If daddy wasn't there, he'd do that to me. I try not to take it personally. He is at an age where he likes to pick out who he wants more, but it seems like daddy favoritism is going on for a long time. If I try to put him to bed, he'll cry and cry for his daddy. He'll eventually calm down and let me put him to bed and he'll smile and relax while I tuck him in. When DH and I pick him up from school, if I go to hug him, he completely ignores me and just wants his daddy.

So, I just want to know, if Cameron is favoring his daddy for night times, should we just just continue letting his daddy put him to bed until he decides he wants his mommy? I've been insisting every other day. He does go to sleep when I tuck him in, but not without a fuss first. He makes less fuss with daddy (until daddy leaves, he fusses just as much as with me and we both have to make him CIO). So do we get his daddy favoritism out? or do I continue to insist on putting him to bed when it's my turn despite his resistance? Do I just focus on playing with him during the day and hopefully one day he'll change his mind and want me to put him to bed? Maybe, just maybe, one day he'll be running to me too when both DH and I pick him up....

 

I would let your dh put him to bed, if it's easier. Kids go through phases where they favor one parent over the other and then it switches. Now, I would be so excited if my girls favored daddy. It would give me a breakTry not to take it personal. Are you with him more? I think it's normal for kids to get excited and only want the parent they don't get to see as much. It's more of a novelty. I feel like some days, my girls are sick of me. They can't wait for daddy to get home.

 

They totally go through phases where they will favor one over the other and I think it's pretty typical and healthy. I would let DH put him to bed as that's what he's "needing" right now. He knows you love him and he loves you, but at the moment it's about Daddy. I know it can sting at times, but it'll swing back in time. It's a nice way to have some one on one with the other kiddo. Maybe you can build in a little special one on one with him at another time of day.

 

My DD is going through a phase where she is favoring DH. My kids see me through out the day every day & I think they get sick of me. I think maybe for a week I would let DH put him to bed and then resume your normal bedtime schedule and if he keeps having fits about not having Daddy put him to bed, maybe you both can put him to bed for a while until he passes through this phase.

 

Daddy works at home, but I am with him more. He sees Daddy on and off all day. Every other day, Daddy wakes them up and I can sleep in, so they do get to play with daddy for a while during that time. The other days, I wake them up and I'm with them all day. I always feed them lunch, snack, and dinner, then breakfast during my mornings with them. DH will take breaks during the day and play with them, so they do get to be with him. It's possible that because of school (2x a week from 8am to 6pm), he's been feeling he doesn't get enough of him then. Kiefer may just feel more secure about Daddy, but like I said, he's favoring me a little bit more. He's just not obsessed with one parent like Cameron is. I should count my blessings! I think I'd feel a bit more hurt if both boys were obsessed with Daddy.

I really appreciate all the responses. I feel better that this is not abnormal, and I do agree that for now we should let Cameron have his nights with his daddy until he feels comfortable enough to switch between us again. I may try a week for a bit and see how it goes and figure out what he needs after that...whether more daddy, a little bit of old routine of switching, or both mommy and daddy.

 

My boys both love Daddy so much better. He's their god and follow him around like little shadows. I think boys just like being with the man in their lives. I just sit back and watch the connection between them all grow stronger every day because I know I am Mum and that I am there when they need me. I do a couple of things with the boys that are just them and I and they seem to enjoy it. As a pp said they go through phases so I would just go with the flow. There seem to be so many young men in this world with no connection to the men in their lives so celebrate that you have a hands on awesome Dad in your home. Good luck.

 

It also might be about control, not a bad control -- just him trying to find a way to take back some control of his life. Choosing his dad might be one way to do that. I do think you are right that with them being in school he might be missing his dad. Moms often do alot with the kids so sometimes it isn't the same quality time with dad as it is with you.

Heather