biting

i understand the LOs are teething but one of them bites so bad!
he bites his brother and leaves marks. he bites him when he comes near him or he takes something that he wants.
what do i do? i say, "no" firmly and then he cries. i've even lightly smacked his hand and said, 'no' but i dont know it thats the *right* thing to do.

HELP!

 

Ugh...we went for MONTHS with JT biting Jack and poor Jack bruises so easily we joked we were surprised a social worker hadn't shown up on porch yet! I tried everything too...time outs, slapping his lips lightly, biting back, telling him we kiss not bite, ect...you name it we tried it! The only thing I wish I would have tried sooner bc it sort of works is set aside a teething toy (yes the baby ones) and if you see him wanting to bite say "We don't bit (insert whatever here), you can bite this" and give him the "special" toy. It seems to work with JT....also just leaving some teething toys laying around have curbed his biting as well...and he isn't even teething!!!!

 

Luke was a biter too. Poor Lila was usually the recipient & she has a couple of scars that are just now starting to fade. I never found anything that worked particularly well. We always said no & tried to redirect, they are really a bit young to understand much more than that at this age. So painful & frustrating, but for us, anyway, it was definitely a phase & he outgrew it more than anything else. It has been probably close to 2 years now since he has bit anyone. So, if you can just get through it, it will get better.

 

I am having this problem right now too. DD bites DS. Yesterday she bit him twice and now he has two bruises in the shape of DD's teeth. I say no to DD and give attention to DS, but it doesn't seem like it works. Now I feel like I can't even leave them alone together to play, the biting has gotten so bad. DD is teething right now and it seems like it's gotten worse.

 

Yup, teething was also a cause of biting here. I did the same as you, I said "no biting...that hurts your sister/brother" and moved them on to something else. I started doing time outs for biting around 16 months when they could understand a little better. Knock on wood, we've had not had biting issues since around 18 & 19 months. Hang in there!

 

We went through this, too, and they actually switched roles. She started it right before 1, and now she doesn't do it anymore, but he does. We do the same things as the others - I also try to watch them carefully, and stop it before it happens. Early on, I'd have to physically move him/her away from the other person. "No Biting" is the common phrase, and now (at 16 months) they understand so much more, and I can say "No biting" from far away, and (usually) prevent it.

 

For most of the second year my guys have responded better to redirection/distraction than anything else when I'm trying to curb bad behavior. For us it's more throwing than biting, but I would use the same technique if my boys were biting. For throwing I say "no throw" and take away any toys that are being thrown, then give them a Nerf-type ball to throw so they could get it out of their system. For biting I would do the same thing, then give them something they could bite to relieve the teething pain. Nate really likes to bite the head of his lovey when he's teething; I've also given teething rings, wet washcloths and even super stale bagels!

Try redirecting your biter to something appropriate and see if that helps. Good luck!

 

Hmmmm, I guess I'm the only responder where time-outs work. And have worked, very, very, very well. Our boys are very social and hate to not be around adults, so time-outs are in their room for a few minutes.

For us twin B bites TWin A. It used to be a LOT. At one point Twin A had six bite bruises on his body Developmental pediatrician (saw for other reasons) said time-outs were appropriate starting about a year old.

For us it worked. Very, Very well. What we do:

If we catch it BEFORE it happens (trying to bite) we stop it and twin B still gets a time out. Any bite, even if it's not hard, gets a time out.
It's not how bad he hurts his brother- it's the biting he's going in time out for.

At our house the boys get IMMEDIATE time outs for biting (or trying to bite) or hitting. 3 warnings for other things (like doing dangerous things we tell them 'no' to).

For us: I'd say within 2 days of time-outs the biting behavior lessened from trying to bite his brother 2-6 times a day to maybe a couple times a week. Now, maybe a couple times a month but we usually see him trying to bite and he slows down (like he's thinking about it) but he still gets time outs. Subsitution or redirecting didn't work for us at all only if it was only due to teething and he already had the thing to bite in his hand would he bite it (teething toy) ... yes twin B bites twin A when he's teething or cranky, but it's very often over a toy, his twin doing something he wants to do, etc.

I would seriously give the time-outs a try. No is also appropriate (but for us it didn't work, only the time-outs worked). If he cries- hate to say it but that is a good thing- it means he knows he's not supposed to do what he was doing.

Whether you do try the time-outs or try saying no a while longer, the most important thing is to be consistent. If you're not, it doesn't work. No 'oh well he didn't actually bite him' or 'company's over' or 'it's dinnertime'- seriously, consistency is the key to making it work and making the behavior lessen or stop.

I would NOT slap his hand. I don't think it's horribly detrimental to a child or anything, but it teaches them that it's OK to hit... and you might end up with a child hitting others when he says no/when he thinks other kids are doing something bad.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this... it's NOT fun!

DD1 (now 8) was a biter.. I've mentioned b/f that I do home daycare and she bit ALL the daycare kids and HARD I tried EVERYTHING to get her to stop, I did try biting her back a few times but I never did it hard and it didn't work. One day she bit one of my daycare kids really bad and I sucked it up and bit her back hard... she NEVER bit again. It's so hard and you feel so mean but that's what she was doing to all the other kids on a daily basis, she even bit the nurse when she was 18mo.. I knew she was going to bite and said while moving my arm "SHE'S going to BITE" I guess the nurse didn't hear me :FIFblush: and got it. I felt bad but it's just your reaction when you know what they're going to do.

I have a little daycare girl who is 18mo and biting now and I'd NEVER ever bite her back but at this age they don't realize what they're doing hurts other ppl. DD1 was just over 2 and had been doing it for about 8 m when I broke down and bit her back

 

My DS is a biter as well and will kind of stop if I catch him before and say no biting. He is just starting to undersstand what this means, and he will back away sometimes. IMO I dont think time outs are appropriate for this behavior yet. Certainly redirecting and I think softly patting the lips of the biter and saying no bite is all that needs to be done right now. I'm not against timeouts, I just think, that at our age of 14 months. they would have forgotten what they have done once they are in the time out spot. I do think another several months and that tactic would work well. Mine only bites when he is teething, and there are only two teeth left to come in!! Hopefully this gets better for you!

 

Oh gosh, I am in the EXACT same boat... My daughter bites her brother when he comes near her or tries to take something... I did the saying no thing, didn't work... light smack on the mouth thing, didn't work... biting back, accidently bit too hard, left a bruise and cried for about three days (me, not her), plus it didn't work...

Someone suggested to me to separate them when she bites... they don't like being without each other, so I'm gonna start putting her in the bedroom for a minute everytime she does it...

She probably doesn't know she's hurting him per say, but I KNOW she's aware that it is an effective way to get him to stop whatever he's doing that she doesn't like. She was bullied by him wanting to play, but he's so much bigger than her that he always ended up pinning her down or hurting her... now she's found an effective way to combat the issue. Which I feel is going to make this even harder to get her to stop... How do you get the message across that there is a better solution, when really, I can't get him to quit grabbing from her or wrestling her down... I'm almost inclined to just let her do it sometimes... ugh... I'll try the separation thing, maybe that'll teach him not to take things from her as well... let you know how it goes and good luck to you.

 

OK, Aila usually breaks down a little and cries when I say "Don't bite!!" and pull her brother away... I thought it was cause I got firm with her and it hurt her feelings... Do you really think it's cause she knows she wasn't supposed to do it? Cause I will totally keep doing the no thing a little longer if you think it's working! How long should I keep trying that until I start the time-outs as a different method?