Letting them cry...

I'm posting lots these days. My boys are 6 weeks old and I am on my own more these days. I am feeding them individually but right after the other. After the first one is fed I put him in a bouncy chair to feed the next. He's happy for about 10 minutes then cries but I can't do much. Also, the second one will often wake up and cry before the first one is done feeding.

I HATE hearing them cry but while feeding what else can I do? Even if I have two hands free and they are both crying I really can only deal with one at a time. I feel like it would be so much easier with one (not that I'm not thankful for my boys!!). I guess I just need some reassurance that I have to let once cry sometimes... not sure what my options are, even if it's something I know I can fix. I just feel a lot of guilt and anxiety in the moment watching one of them so upset. Any tips on getting through this??>

 

It is ok to let them cry! You can't help it sometimes and it isn't going to hurt them to cry for a few minutes. I don't know if you are nursing or bottle feeding but if it's the latter, you can try two boppy pillows and feed them at the same time. It gets a little tricky with burping but you could keep them both quiet for a few minutes.

I was home alone with mine for ten weeks before I went back to work and it's rough but I survived and so will you!

 

I remember posting something very similar when my LO's were at that age! It breaks my heart when one of my babies has to cry while she's waiting, but I think that totally comes with the territory with multiples! I felt this immense guilt when I watched my friends with their singletons and they would pick them up the minute they heard the tiniest sound... but then somebody told me that twins often learn patience and the ability to self-soothe quicker than singletons. Mine are a little over 3 months and they still cry quite a bit but it doesn't seem quite as intense now that they are a bit more interested in the world around them! For instance, I can distract them when they are waiting for their morning bottle with a light up toy that makes sounds when they touch it. For the time being, though, no worries! We are all in the same boat and I have a feeling that as time passes that there will be less and less crying- especially as they become interested in each other!

 

Just so you know I am in the same boat...I hate hearing them cry for me, but when I feed them (also one after the other) I don't have much choice unless there is help at home (not during the day). I have tried feeding them at the same time in the bouncy and boppy but my girls end up spitting up a lot if they are not in a good position and don't get burped quick enough so I try not to do that very often. Good luck (for both of us)!!

 

its ok to let them cry. I went/goong through the same thing. They will learn to be patient eventually, one of my boys already has. I know it's hard, but if they arent hurting or in danger and your hands are full, nothing you can do

 

Can you try to feed them both at the same time? Babies cry a lot more when they are little. Mine are almost 6 months and rarely cry these days - it does get easier.

 

It is Ok to let them cry. Sometimes I would try to feed them both in Boppy pillows though, especially at bedtime when they both seemed to be extra grumpy. But like someone said, I think it teaches them to be more patient. My boys are so good with it! People are always amazed at their patience and how well they sit and wait for things. They will adjust eventually and learn their turn will come!

 

Oh, how I remember those days! I worried about that so much at first, but I finally got over it. There really is nothing you can do....you have 2 infants! I have been on my own with them since they were 2 weeks old and I finally had to tell myself that crying is not going to hurt them and I just try to talk to them so that they know that I am there. I didn't start feeding them at the same time until about 3 weeks ago because they were just so tiny and had such bad reflux, I hated propping them up. But I feed them in bouncy chairs now and it has made life much easier, but they still both cry during burping. And believe it or not, you will learn to tune out the cries. You'll learn which cries mean they need immediate attention and which ones are for getting attention. There have been many days that if I wanted to eat anything that day, someone was gonna have to cry for a few minutes lol! I promise, it WILL get easier. Everyone told me that too and now that the girls are almost 4 months old I finally believe them. We still have things to work on and we definitely have bad days, but it is easier than it was.

 

Hang in there.. that was one of the hardest things for me to adjust to. We're programmed to tend to them when they cry and it's hard to feel so helpless to do anything about it. It's perfectly fine for them to cry for a little while, and you'll figure out ways of soothing with one hand while feeding the other.. I often put one in the bouncy chair and rocked him with my foot while I fed the other one. I was never very confident about tandem feeding by myself at first, so sometimes I would pump so I could bottle feed a twin with one hand and bf the other at the same time. You figure it out and eventually feeding isn't such an emergency anymore so you won't always have two getting upset at the same time.

 

Yes, sometimes you have no choice. One has a diaper blowout and the other is hungry. Well, you have to start somewhere (personally, I would change the diaper first). I just tell the other baby "it sucks to be a twin."

 

As others have said, there will be times when you have to let one cry while you tend to the other. That is just a fact because one person can only do so much at one time. Feeding them at the same time, either in boppy pillows or bouncy seats certainly helps at feeding time. But there will be other times when it's just not possible to keep them both soothed at the same time. It is heartbreaking but you will get slightly more immune to it over time and as they get older they'll cry a lot less too. Before you know it they'll be so much more independent and not as needy. Hang in there momma!!

 

Thanks everyone. I'm exclusively breastfeeding, so don't feed them at the same time. I tandem fed for a few weeks while I had help but find it too difficult on my own as I don't have enough hands to focus on proper latching. They are both down for naps (wide awake, but swaddled and in their bassinettes) so hopefully I'll get an hour or two of peace. Definitely a learning game and glad I'm not alone!!

 

I have to say that I'm in the same boat as well. And I, too, hate hearing them cry. I feel like it's a little unfair to Ella because our mantra when we first brought them home was "If they are both hungry at the same time, feed Ben first...he cries louder!" Sounds mean, but he is a loud screamer. Turns beet red and he won't calm himself down. But now Ella is hip to the game and is starting to scream like she's being tortured, so it's a toss up.

 

Just wanted to say I'm also going through this I'm bottle feeding but I've ahd problems with them pulling off bottles and being gassy and fussy when eating so i haven't been able to do the two at one thing; it is HARD to hear them cry but what can you do. I am by myself during the day as well and even when my hubby is home we have a 3 yo that also demands attention so seems like someone is always crying around here lately. (me included!)

 

I'm in the same boat as well right now. DH is gone from noon-11pm, so I'm on my own then. I hate hearing one baby cry when I'm taking care of the other. I feel so helpless. Yesterday I started crying because I was trying to change Ethan's diaper. He was screaming because he hates getting his diaper changed and Chase was crying because I wasn't holding him. I wanted to make both of them feel better instantly and felt awful since I couldn't, but I only have one set of hands. If only we had an extra set!

 

We're in the EXACT same boat. Twins and a 3 year old. And yes, there are days when DH gets home and I'm crying right along with them!

 

Just wanted to send a big old :grouphug: to OP and PPs. I remember the crying being one of the hardest things to ever handle. Sent me into a panic state and I cried a lot with them. Then one day it just got incredibly better. Either they got used to waiting or they just grew out of it.

 

I have to thank you for posting this. You have made me feel somewhat normal in the fact that I cant stand to hear my babies cry, it makes me so anxious. My husband always tells me thats what babies do...cry. He can handle them crying so much better than me. I was starting to think that there was something wrong with me for as the crying really makes me feel so anxious. Its nice to know that others hate the crying as well...thanks !

 

I would suggest that as long as they are not screaming to the point of not breathing.. they need to wait. We have it all the time. You will also get to see the one that the crying really affects versus just crying. I have one that cries and then sleeps.. then cries... the other one will not quit and ends up choking.. so I know if it's really an issue.

 

Just wanted to give a huge hug :grouphug: I remember those days so well, I don't think I will ever forget, I was very fortunate that my mom flew in to help us, but she had to leave for 2 months and it was pure hell. My boys were very demanding and still are There was a lot of crying and there is only so much you can do as one person. I have tried to feed them at the same time but Brandon had reflux and was very gassy on top of it. If I fed him in the wrong position he would spit everything up. Most of the time I had to feed him in the bathroom with a fan on and me singing to him he wouldn't eat any other way. But my point is Matthew was left alone, well he was in the bathroom with us, and he cried and sometimes I cried with them. But as the weeks went by things got easier little by little. I know its hard and I as you hated to the bone hear my boys cry, and I still do. Hang in there it will get better just take it one hour at a time.

 

My girls are 16 months old and there are still times where both of them will be crying or fussing and I of course can't fix both of them at the same time. Or even better is when one starts crying and you start to tend to that one and the other one starts crying and hanging on your leg wanting attention too. Every twin parent in the world has felt exactly like you do. They do learn (sort of). Good luck with figuring out the logistics of being a twin mom.......it doesn't necessarily get easier but it sure does get to be tons of fun.

 

Big hugs to you - that was definitely the hardest part for me of having infant twins. Just know that although it seems that this newborn period will last forever, it goes by super quickly and soon enough they will be feeding themselves with bottles (or sippy cups).

I would always feed my son (who was the more ravenous and faster eater) first, then put him either in the bouncy chair and bounce it with my foot, or the jumperoo. My daughter took longer to eat and needed more encouragement, so I would feed her second. I don't know if your two are similar or different eaters. Feeding one first, or making them wait a bit does not have any negative effects on them in the long run, so don't you worry about that! If they were both screaming at the same time I would put them in their boppies and feed them both at once, but it was hard with burping, etc (they were both gassy and had to be burped every couple of ounces). Just do what you can - as the other poster said, take one hour at a time. You're doing an awesome job - good for you!
:youcandoit:

 

I was in the same boat as you and to be honest, I am so glad I had them on my own because it allowed me to figure out what works.

It's OK to let them cry, remember that crying is a baby's only form of stress relief. We all have to let it out sometimes. My boys were the same way at that age, when you are feeding one and the other cries, just speak to him in a gentle voice and let him know that you are sorry but that it's brothers turn. I talk to my kids a lot, they are both 5 months old now and respond to my smiles and direction really well. I can now get one to stop crying if I'm tending to the other. Then there are times when they just have to deal with it. LOL I think babies just want to know that you know they are there sometimes. Espeically if they have been fed, changed, etc etc.

Do they self soothe? All of my kids ditched binkies at around 3-4 weeks old and started sucking on their fingers. Michael needs a little blankey to suck on and that puts him right to sleep. The fingers are great at this age but it's tough when it's time to ween them, my DD is getting to the age that she needs to be weened, she's almost 4.

Just talk to any mom, we are always filled with some level of guilt. I think it's part of the package.