I finally understand why they call it the f***ing fours

First of all, don't read this if you're one of those people (like me) who can't stand to read that any future age might be as hard as or harder than the stage your child is currently in. My standard disclaimer: On the whole, I've still enjoyed my kids more and more, the older they get (with the possible exception of 3y3m to 3y9m).

That said -- Both our kids were positively delightful when they turned 4, and that lasted for almost 6 months, but now I finally see why people say that 4-year-olds are like miniature teenagers. OMG, the attitude! "It's not fair! You only pay attention to her! She interrupted me and I forgot what I was going to say! You're not listening to me! I never get what I want! We never have time for anything fun! Stupid Mommy!" etc. etc.

It's not all bad -- I still enjoy them more than half the time -- but I will be so relieved when they exit this "disequilibrium" stage and get back into an "equilibrium" one again.

 

Holy he** I could have written this post myself!! I swear Alden I think our girls are related!! The sassiness and backtalk and then they stick their tongues out at me when they don't like what I say. And the best part is they hand out X's to me all day long..."you get an X mommy because you said we can't do it" And the arguing with each other and with me is driving me batty!!

 

What is with the half-years?! Mine are nearly 3 1/2 and I'm going grey much more rapidly. If someone sass talks or rolls their eyes one more time :headbang: :girl_devil: :tease: :faint:

 

uh oh!!! I'm in for it I can tell!! Mine are only 26 months!!!

 

Ames and Ilg (whom I refer to constantly) say that emotional growth happens in cycles of equilibrium and disequilibrium, with the former around the birthday and the latter around the half-birthday. Give or take a few months, I've generally found this to be true.

Equilibrium" is when they are feeling competent, secure, and generally happy with life, and "disequilibrium" is when they are having trouble managing their emotions, feeling incompetent and/or insecure, and trying to assimilate a lot of new skills and concepts. All that stuff is hard for them, and so their behavior gets a lot more challenging.

It doesn't make me enjoy it any more, but I do find it helpful to think of it this way. If I were changing as fast as they are, I'd feel out of balance too.

 

Yes, I have found this to be true! At 24 months, my two were generally still sweet little munchkins. Come 30 months, all hell broke loose! Now, we're back in that generally good period, but I know the sound and the fury is coming right after Christmas when they turn 3.5 years. Heaven help me. Why does it always have to happen in the dead of winter when we're all cooped up indoors?!?

 

So interesting! And makes total sense too. They are growing and learning so fast right now, but still, why do they have to be perfect angels for the sitter and save all the sass for me?! :unknw:

 

It is funny how things seem to go bonkers around the 1/2 times. I hear that at five things begin to really settle down a bit...boy, I hope that's true!!

 

Very interesting. 2.5 is the first rough patch we've really encountered. What you said makes sense to me. I guess I'll have to remember this again next summer.

 

Oh yeah, I hear you! I find that every 6 months or so we do go through that cycle. DD1 is a Winter baby and the twins are Fall (well, Sept. 20th), so I don't feel like we are all in a good groove all the time. But, I do find that Gabe is better the 2nd half the year actually. The girls, yeah...the 2nd half is rougher. So where 6 months ago I was going nuts with Gabe and his behavior and smart mouth, it is now Abby and Isabel (different ages) that I'm having more trouble with right now and Gabe is much easier to deal with. By far, 3 has been the worst age for all my kids and I'm hoping they follow suit and get much easier once they turn 5 like their sister did b/c 4 is tough age too.

 

That's funny, because I was just thinking "Why does this always have to happen when we're traveling for summer vacation?" :laughing:

Though I have to say, our trip last June went fine, even though the girls were in a generally tough stage right then. I hope the same is true this year, because we're leaving tomorrow and the kids are fuh-REAKING out. Last night they were super excited, then this morning it was one long wail of "I don't want to go on vacation!" Amy is devastated to miss someone's birthday party, and Sarah is having a panic attack that we'll be late for our plane. :gah:

 

I'm actually glad I read this... Our girls are right at 2.5 and we are dealing with bad tantrums, etc. It does seem to happen around the half years. Thank you for sharing that information!

While I don't have 4 year olds, I used to work in a 4 year old room at a daycare and yeah... they can be pretty sassy!