what am i doing wrong?

Ok, so my girls are about `7 weeks old 0 months adjusted or 2 weeks adjusted. Yesterday all day, either one of the other would cry I'd pick up sooth and just when I'd get one calm and put back in her sooth and glide rocker the other one would start luckily a girlfriend of mine was visiting so she was able to help out. This was ALL Day long, lots of times once I would pick up whoever was crying they would STOP crying making me think they just want to be held. But I can NOT hold 2 babies the entire day. I have one who seems to do this more then the other. So that's one issue.

The other issue is I'm stil having issues when feeding them all day yesterday they'd start crying and if they didn't calm down when being held or diapers changed I'd try feeding them, USUALLY they eat every 3-4 hours but again if nothing else works I assume maybe they are hungry adn will try giving them the bottle. Yesterday though they'd seem hungry but then pull off the bottle and cry making feeding HORRIBLE. Also, if they both start screaming at once there is no way you can feed 2 at once like this if they are both pulling off the bottle, formula gets everywhere and its just impossible. My pedi had said switch nipples to a faster nipple maybe thats the problem which I did and didn't seem to help. They are both very gassy and often times its seems when they start eating they start farting ALOT. I've tried giving Mylicon drops but they only seem to help so much. I am going to try switchign them to soy similac and see if that makes a difference. Right now they are on Simliac Advance which they were on the first month and didn't have a problem. I'm just not sure what's goign on here but its extremly frustrating and again I've ended up hating to feed them because its so horrible.

Finallly last night they were up ALL Night basically again one or the othe was either up to eat or fussing, at 1, 2, 4 and 6. My hubby helps but I feel awful because he has to go to work inthe morning. On top of it I have 3 yo and soemtimes the screaming from the babies wakes her up and then we have to go get her settled again. I feel like I'm goign out of my mind here and I feel ANGRY at the babies which is stupid because they are babies but I am drained.. I can't keep holding them aLL day long and then be up all night, ANY suggestions?? What am i doing wrong here?? how do i get them on a schedule. I have the book the happiest baby on the block but no time to read so I did order the tape.. My daughter was the same with wanting to be held all the time when she was a infant but I can't do it with too. Please HELP!

 

I don't have any advice -- my twins are only 3 months old -- but I wanted to say I feel your pain!! In fact, I was just coming on to post something similar. My two-year-old son needed to be held all the time, but he was my one and only when he was born, so I could handle it much better. One of my twins is actually pretty good, but the other is SO FUSSY and WILL NOT NAP and I am about to lose my mind!! :headbang:

How do people handle/survive the fussy twin (or two), especially with older kids?!?!?!

 

First of all, big hugs to you momma! This is a tough stage and I remember it well. I spent many a day in the rocking chair with two babies in my arms. Sometimes that was all I could do to soothe them. I would also sing to them when holding them both and rocking at the same time didn't work. How do they like the stroller? We went out for lots of walks at that age because they loved the motion of the stroller and always fell asleep. But rest assured this stage will pass (though I'm sure it doesn't feel that way now). It is also not wholly realistic to get them on a consistent schedule for naps, etc at this age. Mine were eating every 3 hours and couldn't stay awake for longer than 60-70 minutes at a time. We also switched to Dr Brown's bottles which helped with gassiness. I would try to stick to a 3 hour feeding schedule and not feed them before that unless all of your best soothing techniques are failing miserably. Sometimes I would even start dancing wildly in a desperate effort to entertain them long enough to get them to stop crying and it worked - sometimes. For me though the rocking in the glider and singing (they really like kumbaya) was often the best remedy (mind you I was holding both - you should try it - it's not as hard as it sounds, particularly when they're that small). As for the HBOTB book, I never read it but did watch the video and it basically advocates using a soft 'shushing' sound to soothe them along with swaddling, and a swinging motion (there were some other 's' things in there but I've forgotten them all). Speaking of swinging, if you don't have two baby swings yet go out and get some asap. They were lifesavers for us!! We got ours used for $50 each. Best $100 we ever spent! Good luck and keep us posted...

 

first of all, :grouphug: you're not doing anything wrong. they're just little, and this is what little ones do. when there are two of them busy being little at the same time, it can feel like it's all going to hell. it will get better, i promise.

if they're pulling off of the bottle and screaming you might be dealing with reflux. do they get the hiccups a lot? do they sleep with heads arched back, do they grunt? these can all be signs that liquid (and stomach acid) is washing up their throats and causing discomfort. just something to pay attention to and maybe mention to your pedi.

no, you can't hold 2 babies all day long. so you'll have to figure out other ways to help soothe them when you can't. do you have swings? bouncy chairs? i swear we spent most of the first 5 months with the boys lying in bouncy chairs, bouncing them with our feet. have you considered using a sling? you could sling one and carry the other. i know some mamas have done double slings, too. i even occasionally put one in a bjorn-style infant carrier to free my hands up.

they're probably still too little to put on a schedule, so please don't feel like you're failing on that point. things are going to be a little fluid for a little while longer while their brains develop enough to be able to handle a schedule.

i guess if i had one piece of single, most important piece of advice it would be to get bouncy chairs and use them. put them on the floor in front of you, get settled in a chair, put your feet on the curved portion of the frame and bounce bounce bounce. sometimes we would even prop up a pillow behind our heads and fall asleep while bouncing them.

 

Hi ladies thank you, I actually just took them out for a "quick" walk because its pretty humid and about 80 here but I HAD to get out or felt like I was going to loose my mind. We have 2 of the fisher price sooth and glides which move back and fourth but they don't seem to like the motion on that.. :sorry: boo. I just bought a small swing over the weekend and haven't had a chance to put it together but need to fast. Also, I was thinking of getting the baby bjorn carrier so I coud wear my fussy twin her but also saw the moby wrap but afraid it might be too complicated to put on. I'm NOT good at putting on wraps I failed miserably with my first daughter and they were all a waste of money but willing to try again if it helps.. Has anyone here used the moby? Is it difficult? is that or the baby bjorn better?? Thank you for all yoru advice, I also have a 2 year old which makes things harder.

Sara you mentioned about reflux I do think they have some, they do get hiccups ALOT, sleep with there heads back and grunt so all those things.. so will def mention it to ped well someone is yelling again so have to run. thanks ladies for helpling me knwo I'm not crazy..

 

My son Brandon grunted a LOT and had hiccups ALL of the time, along with some other reflux symptoms, so I agree with piccologirl that they may have some reflux issues. Once we got Brandon on prevacid and thickened his formula his reflux improved tremendously.

As for a Bjorn vs. a moby wrap, the moby wrap gets my vote!! We had Bjorns when the babies were little, but they hated them then. They never seemed comfortable in the Bjorns (not until they were over 6 months old and we could face them outwards). But the moby was a godsend at comforting a screaming baby. I can't count how many times I tucked a screaming baby into a moby wrap and then they were asleep within 5 minutes. After witnessing a screaming baby go to being a sleeping baby numerous times even my husband ditched the bjorn and learned how to use a moby wrap. At first it seemed daunting figuring out what to do with ALL that fabric, but after watching a couple of Youtub videos and practicing a few times it was a piece of cake!! I never could figure out ring slings (I tried several different kinds) but my homemade moby wrap became my best friend I just bought some thick, stretchy ribbed fabric from a fabric store for our moby wraps. But it was kind of a pain to find the right fabric and it didn't look as good as a true moby, so if you don't have the time or inclination to make your own just buy one new (or used!).

Lastly, when our boys went through the hellish colicky stage where all they did was cry for no reason here is what I would do: swaddler them up, place them in a bouncy seat in a dark bathroom (only a nightlight on), then turn on the tub water full blast. Usually the hum of the water and the darkness was enough to chill them out and often times they went to sleep! If you have a whirlpool tub like we did then once its full just turn the jets on and the water off (so your water bill won't be too ridiculous, haha). Oh, and I also swore by Boiron cocyntal vials for colic. I bought boxes of them in bulk from Amazon once I realized they helped our boys.

Hang in there, its a rough road but WILL get easier eventually! :hug:

 

I also vote for the moby wrap - it is super easy to put on once you've done it once or twice. It also seems more soothing and comfortable than the baby bjorn or similar style carriers. You can also put them both in a moby but I never attempted that.

 

I feel your pain to a point.. mine are 2 1/2 months old and I have a 4 year old. However, I don't stay at home - I work.

We had horrible issues with Similac & Enfamil with my first daughter and started having the same with these guys (they were on Similac Neosure) and at a month we switched them to Good Start. They still get gas, but not as bad as it could be and it's easier on their stomach.

I have a very fussy twin also and I get to the point, nothing I do "helps" her so I just put her down and let her cry. Sometimes if you're upset and tired they feel that and won't settle.

I have my 4 year old going to day care at the Y for 2 days to try and help her stay busy and to give my husband a break. I had only planned to do this temporarily (for the summer) until preschool started in the fall, however, she and he are getting so much out of it, that I'm now trying to budget it so she can continue.

There are different types of swings. We were given one that goes side to side rather than front to back. My first daughter loved it. We bought another with these twins and it goes front to back. They don't necessarily like it. So I'm about to bring the "old" one back and try it out. It's bigger, but anything to help calm and keep them calm I say.

The other thing we do is that if they keep crying - we do belly time. We figure they're going to cry anyway - let it be productive.

As far as your 3 year old--- movies, "helping" (make bottles) or feed them or put pacifiers back in their mouth, running for diapers, towels, etc. My husband doesn't always utilize my 4 year old - but I do. One it keeps her occupied and two it makes her feel involved and she loves being the "big sister"

Good Luck!

 

I second the side to side motion swing recommendation (we had the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders swing). You can get a great deal on one on craigslist or a similar forum.

 

I'd definitely mention any symptoms related to reflux to your doctor at the next visit. If you're fighting against tummy problems, no amount of soothing is going to fix it. Switching formulas might help; around that age one of my boys started showing symptoms of a milk allergy, so we ended up switching to a hypoallergenic formula and that worked well.

Walks were always a miracle for us.. our kids have always loved going outside. Even on their worst fussy days, a ride in the stroller seems to do the trick. I think it's also good for you to have a change of scenery.. sitting alone and being outnumbered by screamers doesn't do anything for your mental health. Vibrating bouncy chairs worked well in the early days, especially as I could hold one kid and bounce the other one in the chair.

And hang in there... before you know it, this phase will be long past! You're doing all the right things, it's just that little babies like to test those lungs out every chance they get.

 

Hi - Great suggestions from the PP!! We use the Baby Pouch, which is like the Moby, but slightly stretchier. My fussy daughter LOVES it. Now that they are a little older (4.5 months), we also use the Ergo.

We also switched to Good Start and started Zantac, and that's helped.

I remember them "waking up" around 8 - 10 weeks and being a lot needier. It does get better!

 

I have a fussy daughter and an easy daughter (but not a third). What I realized about my fusspants is that she is actually super social. She LOVES to get out of the house. She will be F R E A K I N G out, and if I put her in the car and take her to a playdate, or even to the grocery, she's happy as a clam. Go figure. She just loves to be entertained. I keep thikning, "Thank goodness she has a sister to keep her occupied when she gets older!!!!!"

Starting at 12 weeks she would NOT nap. Argh. I finally had to do CIO. It broke my heart, but I knew she needed rest and I couldn't babywear her for every nap... that was the only other way she'd sleep. After we got her naps sorted, she started sleeping from 7PM to 7AM!! I was thrilled. She's regressed a little in her sleep habits now that she's rolling around, but I'm optimistic.

I'm sorry about what you're going through. I genuinely love being a mom, but there were days in that time frame where I felt TOTALLY DEFEATED!

 

In addition to what everyone else mentioned, they could just be going through the ~6 week growth spurt. About that age I spent an entire 2 days where all I could do was nurse them, so if they seem hungry don't worry about sticking to a schedule. I had 2 very fussy twins and we just did a lot of babywearing, rocking, etc. Mine hated the bouncy seat and the swing. We had bjorns and ours actually loved them. I don't know about the moby because we never tried them.

I think its fine to try soy but it is probably not the formula. You may also want to try the lactose free similac because lactose is more likely to cause gassiness than milk protein. I tried all sort of dietary modifications with mine and even some formulas and nothing made a bit of difference. Gas can be caused by a lot of things including swallowing too much air at the nipple, swallowing too much air when crying, etc. You may try a different bottle or try mixing the formula earlier so that the bubbles have time to settle. We did have to do some supplementing with ours and I found that mine liked good start the best.

If you think they might have reflux, you could try having them sleep in a bouncy or their car seats.

There were days where we found the only way to quiet them was to drive. They always slept in the car, so we would put them in the car and drive aimlessly on country roads! Maybe if you're itching to get out you can drive to a playground for your 3 year old and they'll stay asleep in their car seats.

Regardless, it will get better! I think 6-8 weeks was the worst for us. The colic lasted until about 12 weeks, but then they became the happiest babies.

 

Try some myloncon gas drops, or bubble-be-gone. Also try some warm peppermint water. do they calm down with a pacifier? If they don't take the pacifier when they are really really upset, try dipping the tip of it in sugar, so they taste the sweet & want to suck, then once they get going they should find it soothing. Also maybe some gripe water during a feeding?