Is this a phase?

I have the best kids in the world. I love them dearly. However, my DS1, who is 3 1/2, is driving me bonkers. He has always been my people pleaser but has recently become very disagreeable. For example, I made grilled cheese for dinner the other night with green beans and when I told him what we were having he said "I don't like grilled cheese, I want a cheese sandwich." I told him he could eat what was made or wait for breakfast, he chose to eat, but the first thing out of his mouth when he saw his plate was that his green beans weren't big enough. If I give him cheddar cheese, he wants mozzarella etc.

So, I have been trying to give him a lot of choices. Let him choose his snack between two options. It helps, but there are times when there are no options and I am becoming very frustrated because he seems so ungrateful and I don't feel it is appropriate to talk to me like that. I have begun to institute time outs for talking that I find unkind or ungrateful. Yesterday he had 3 timeouts (I usually don't have to put them in timeout but once a week). I don't know. Is this a phase developmentally that will fade over time and I just need to encourage kind words and discourage whiney ones? Or is it something disciplinary? I have started watching my mouth, I figure they learn a lot by example, and have started a bedtime ritual of sitting next to him on his bed and letting him talk to just me about whatever he wants. I thought maybe it's also an attention getting technique that he's decided to institute. What do you all think I should do?

TIA,

Joy

 

its a phase - since they have very little control over what they can choose, they bog down over it...my son is very much the same...I've started just handing him the plate and walking away, OR not telling him whats for dinner just handing it to him, and if he starts to cry I offer to take it away and throw it out if he doesn't want it...he generally eats it after that...

 

We have the same issue with the twins. Mine are just over 3. They are FTT and have been given too much (IMO) say in what they eat in the past. In the last few months we have been cracking down on their attitudes and eating. It really hasn't improved yet. But at least we are trying. It's partially age and partially from the advice of the nutritionist. I should have listened to my mother's instinct and kept things as they were before we met her!
My 8 year old, is really the complainer about food. With him it's totally disciplinary! And it WILL stop. His attitude makes the twins worse.
I feel your pain. Complaining is contagious! I'd love to stop the cycle! No one wants to hear a child whine and complain all the time.

 

It's a phase. Luke is the exact same way. He is just the sweetest kid in the world but no matter what I choose for him (clothes, food, etc) he doesn't like it & complains about it. Half the time even if I let him choose he changes his mind & still complains. I generally tell him, I'm sorry but this is what I'm serving tonight & I leave it in front of him. Usually by the end of dinner (sometimes not until after the rest of us have gotten up to start cleaning the kitchen) he will eat at least some of it. Otherwise, I take it away & he just doesn't eat. I do try to make sure I have at least one thing on his plate that he always likes so that he's eating at least a little bit.

I think it's a control issue. They are getting to an age where they are testing the limits of what they can control in their lives (including us! :lol: ) and food is always one of the big testing grounds, I've found. That, and clothing, which I have learned to just give them complete control over. If they have areas of their life where they can make the choices, I think the phase will maybe pass a little quicker. I hope.

 

My girls do this, too, a lot in the last couple of months. I agree with pp that they are just trying to control something since they have so little control.

 

I agree with pp, it's a phase. Stick to your guns momma! :ibiggrin: This too shall pass.

 

Thank you all so much! I needed this encouragement

 

Have you read "child of mine: feeding with love and good sense " ? I loved that book and a recent friend of mine who was having issues with her son read and and praised it. Not everything in the book of course but she thought it gave some ideas.

One of the things she suggests are "family style meals" so big bowls with food. Having at least one or two items your child "may" like. They get to scoop out what they are wanting and how much.

Another option I've heard is breakfast for supper and just having a "stack" where there are say eggs, bacon, sausage, tomato, beans, avocado, hashbrowns, etc. and the kids create a "stack" of what they want to eat. Some of those tongs so they pick up the food.

Could they help to make part of the meal the odd time ?

Someone mentioned on her about using muffin tins and something different in each one. Yeah sort of the idea of cutting sandwiches into shapes, but who knows it might spice things up.

In the end try to sit down and at least try to get him to stay at the table and TRY to make the conversations interesting.

 

Yeah, a phase that lasts about, oh... 12 years! :laughing:

 

I think it's a phase and a discipline issue. I have a few requirements for my kids about mealtimes, and we implemented most of them around that age because they were SO obnoxious:

1 - Ask nicely for what you want.
2 - It's possible that you still won't get it, in which case, do not pitch a fit or you will be going to your room to calm down.
3 - Don't tell me the food is yucky. If you don't want it, don't eat it.

We're still working on it over a year later, so it's not like they get it right away, but it gets a little better as they move into a different phase!

 

I have similar rules too because I can't stand the whining and complaining. One other rule is if its a new food, you have to at least taste it before you tell me you won't eat it. Most of the time after they taste it they decide they like it!