dinner time - what do you do?

Here's the nightly scenario:

i lovingly craft a plate and/or bowl of food for the boys to enjoy while DH and i eat more grown-up food (spicy, etc). they are the world's pickiest eaters so this dinner usually involves buttermilk mashed potatoes, sliced apples, maybe some annie's mac 'n cheese with diced veggies mixed in. sometimes they'll eat hummus or couscous. 99% of the time they ignore the mac n' cheese. 99.9% of the time they ignore the veggies.

more often than not owen will dig in on the potatoes and jacob will refuse to eat anything. he'll cry and cry and push his food away and ask for cottage cheese. the fit doesn't stop and he won't eat a bite until i give in and give him cottage cheese.

i frequently give them cut up pieces of our meal, but they will never eat the bits on their plates. they may ask for bites off of our plates, even though it's the same food. so i do a lot of sharing. the only time i can ever get these boys to eat meat or spaghetti or anything other than mashed potatoes and cottage cheese is if i feed them off of my plate. they've even eaten spicy mexican rice and cajun food, as long as it's from my plate.

first question: am i making it worse? should i not give in and serve the cottage cheese? i hate the idea of making a 21 month old go hungry if he refuses to touch what i served so i always give in. am i already being manipulated? or is jacob too little to understand the consequences of refusing dinner?

second question: am i encouraging poor dining habits by feeding them off of my plate? it means i'm serving them from my fork, rather than them feeding themselves. they do use spoons and forks on their own food sometimes so it's not like they never get practice. but i don't know if at this age i should try to encourage them more towards dining independence.

 

It sounds to me that you are offering them "boring" foods, and they are ready for more "adult-type" foods (since they are eating off of your plate.)


I have MANY kids and there is no way that I would be fixing 2 different meals (never have and never will). I would just fix all of your plates at the same time and sit down for the same meal (all of the same types of plates too).

I think that the kids are trying to tell you that they are not babies anymore and are ready for newer food choices.

As far as feeding them off of your plates, I don't see it as a problem...as long as everyone is eating and doing it nicely, I don't see a problem with it at all. I would guess that they will begin to eat from their own plates, when they are offered the same items as you are eating. If they continue to eat from your plate, no big deal either...just serve yourself enough food on your plate to serve both of you.

 

Can't pretend like I'm the expert here, but I'll share what we do I started feeding them the same meal as us pretty early on. Probably around 14 months? I have somewhat changed what meals I serve because of that, but I thought it was important for us to all eat together. I have a really good eater and a picky eater. With my picky eater, I give him the exact same plate as everyone else. His only other option is if he has any food from breakfast or lunch that he hasn't finished. If not, and if he refuses to eat, I let him drink his cup of milk and he goes to bed with no dinner. I've been doing that for a long time. No adverse effects. He is my bigger baby too so he's definitely not starving. I don't know if that's the right thing, but it feels right to me. I do feel that he is manipulating if he refuses dinner and I prepare something else for him. I do try to get him to eat though. I let him have whatever sauce he wants for dipping or I sprinkle parmesan cheese, etc. Anything I can think of that would make it more exciting/appealing. If I am cooking a spicy meal, like buffalo sandwiches, I set some chicken aside before I add the sauce so they can dip it in BBQ or something. Hope it gets better for you! I know everything I've read says that picky eaters eventually outgrow their pickiness and the best thing is to keep offering and not make a big production out of their refusal.

 

Mine are 20 months and I'd be thrilled to be anywhere even close to what you have! Mine still throw their food, sippies, plates, etc in the floor. I can't figure out how to stop this. I have to feed them pieces of food, a few at a time. They do get spoons and forks to practice with, but throw them in the floor too. I rarely eat at the same time as them and maybe that's the problem for me. I do feed them off of my plate when I do eat at the same time, so I don't think it's a problem. I too have a very hard time not feeding them, although I know they will eat when hungry. Sounds like you are doing great and I need to work!

 

i was thinking the same thing as ihaveeightsons - i expect they just want to eat what you're eating. this is a good thing - you won't have to cook two different dinners anymore! :good: you could also try putting all of the food on your plate to start, and then dishing out their portions onto their plates at the table & see what they think about that.

as for the cottage cheese, if it were me, i would probably just serve a small amount of cottage cheese with every meal - just put it on the plate up front as part of his meal. that way you aren't "giving in" to the temper tantrum and he doesn't get the idea that if he throws a fit, he'll get what he wants. it certainly won't hurt him to eat cottage cheese with every meal.

i would also second Amanda on just putting them to bed without dinner if they don't want to eat - i've done it with my girls with no ill effects. it just seems like sometimes, by the time dinner rolls around, they've filled up their calorie quota for the day & don't need anymore. of course, if i kept offering foods to them until they ate something, i'm sure they'd find room for the chocolate pudding. :laughing: the thing is, i very strongly believe that when toddlers don't eat it's because they aren't hungry.

 

I think I am along the lines of Amanda and Rachel here:
1. With the cottage cheese, I would also offer a small amount with the rest of the meal (but if he chooses to only eat that and not the rest of the meal, he wouldn't get anymore cottage cheese). I tell my kids if you are hungry enough to eat A but refuse dinner, then you can't be that hungry. There has been quite a few nights around here where they've gone to bed without dinner. I truly believe that they will not starve themselves and will make it up at another meal or snack time.
2. Once our kids were eating "big people food" we've always made the same meals. Still my two have their moments (even though the same thing is on their plate!) where they prefer to eat it off of our plates :wacko: I would say in your case, perhaps they are ready to be eating the same meals as you and DH. I don't think you are setting them back at all by feeding them stuff from your plate...sometimes it's just more interesting because Mommy and Daddy are eating it!

 

We have one son who is having issues gaining weight so in our case all rules are off and we have been told by his doctor and feeding therapist that he gets whatever he wants as long as he will eat. We are working on introducing new foods, etc. but it is important that meal time is positive. So if that means french fries everynight than that's that. Its more important for him to gain weight. Our other challenge is that both DH and I work and by the time one of us gets home with the boys (usually me) it is really hard to spend much time in the kitchen making anything - they are usually cranky and missing me so they are screaming the whole time I am in the kitchen.

Its great that they are interested in what you are eating and that you are all sitting down together - I wish we could do that more.

 

I agree with a lot of what PPs have said. I always feed my guys what we are eating; I just don't have the time to cook 2 meals, and I want them to eat foods that we like. I always serve something I know they will like, so they can fill up on that in case they don't like the other offerings. A toddler can just eat bread and milk for dinner and not go to bed hungry! I will modify foods like Amanda does (use less of the spicy rub on their piece of grilled chicken, for example), and I give them bread at every meal even though DH and I don't usually eat it, but otherwise they eat what we do.

My philosophy is that mealtimes are as much a social thing as a nutritional thing. The more stress I bring to the table, the worse the experience is for all of us. I never want meals to be a struggle. If I serve good foods and they choose not to eat them, I have to ignore the "mommy voice" inside telling me that I need to push them to eat.

I don't think it's a horrible thing if you're feeding them off your plate; I think it's great that you eat together! :good: Give them some of your food on their trays with their utensils so they can feed themselves if they want to, but offer them bites of yours if that's what they prefer. Most kids assert their independence at a certain point, so they'll probably get impatient with that eventually.

 

you ladies give top notch advice! last night i served the boys what DH and i were eating and they actually ate it. spinach and mushroom lasagna, no less! i just chopped it up small and gave them a spoon and served it with apple slices.

they both resisted at first. owen kept whimpering, "tatoes" for his beloved mashed potatoes and jacob simultaneously wanted everything and rejected everything with huge wailing, flailing protests. but after a moment or two, watching mommy and daddy eat lasagna, they both opened their baby bird mouths for a bite. and in an instant jacob went from :grr: to and when i sprinkled a little parmesan on top HOO BOY you'd think it was christmas at our house!

so now i'm convinced. no more separate special white-and-beige-food-only meals.

 

:yahoo:

It's really hard for me to take a chance with my guys and offer them challenging foods, but I'm often surprised when I do. I snapped a picture of Nate last night, sitting on the floor with a plate of hummus, scooping it into his mouth! :lol: