Impulse Control Issues

does anyones 4 year old have serious impulse control issues? Is this normal at this age? Ian is just horrible - for example today we were in the car and the kids think its funny to call each other "meatballs" or "eye balls" etc...anyway Abby asked Ian if he wanted a piece of meatball and he in turn asked her if she wanted a piece of a$$, my mom and I tried to ignore it but he kept saying it - so we disciplined him and told him to stop saying it or he wasn't going to be allowed to stop at my mom's for snack (we live 100 feet from each other)...anyway he kept saying it and saying it so I dropped Abby and my mom off at her house and nearly an hour later he's STILL blubbering and bawling and asking to go to grandma's...he won't stay in his room to be punished and he won't stop crying...this is but one example of many...like if you tell him not to do something (like walk too far ahead) - he'll stop running and then just has to take one.more.step - and he thinks its funny...everything is funny....

I'm at my wits end...even my mother doesn't want to babysit him anymore....

 

My oldest ds was like that. Who am I kidding he still is. I really don't have any advice. I've learned that it's partly his personality, partly ADD. Being super consistent with discipline, even though it seemed like it didn't work, helped/helps. They have to know that if they choose to disobey, there will be a consequence. We also talked a lot about how he was choosing the consequence by choosing the behavior, it wasn't us being "mean". It is very hard to parent a child like this...exhausting really. I wish I had more hopeful/helpful words for you! :grouphug:

 

Ditto this.

One of my DD has to push.each.limit. and then gets upset with the concequences. I dont think it is an impulse control as much as just a plain 'control' issue. My DD wants to be in charge- she know what she is doing, does it, and then can tell me the concequnces. I guess to her the risk is worth it.

She also has gotten better as we have found a lot of 'praise' and 'jobs' for her to do. The added responsibility and pride in what shes does has helped---but not fixed it. Somedays, I wont lie are a constant battle of 'rule breaking'.

We also talk about HER making the choice to break the rule--I (try) to talk calmly and repeat the rules. Then when she chooses to break them we talk about what happens and the choice SHE made. That way the burden of punishment is on her, not me/DH being mean. Really---over time it has gotten better and just recently (after 6+ months of doing this) she has told me "I should have made a different choice. I am sad I yelled and missed part of the story. Next time I will listen quietly" and she did. This is big, but took time.


She also is 'worse' about pushing limits when she is tired and/or hungry. So we try to avoid getting her overtired/hungry.

It is tiring, but I think it is her personality to be dominant---she will be a good manager/CEO/ boss someday!!! LOL.

 

Ian also tries to have the dominant personality as well - he always has to be first at EVERYTHING - whether its to get dressed, be out the door, etc...

I tried to explain to him (and keep trying) that actions have consequences - it hasn't seemed to get through yet...

thanks girls!

 

You are describing Tony exactly!! Even the being first thing :gah: I'm hoping it will pass... and soon. :unsure:

 

:laughing: We always say he will make a fabulous adult! lol

 

I'm fighting the same thing with my oldest twin... sounds all too familiar, though he is a little more than a year younger than your little ones on the previous posts... please don't tell me that this means I'll be dealing with this for 1 1/2 years or more?? It's seriously making me lose my mind.

I was wondering though if any of you or anyone else can comment on how this impulsive/control oriented behavior is effected by or works with or how I can approach this in concert with having a super smartypants kid. I'm really struggling to find resources to help me with this because my kid is kind of outsmarting me and making me seriously lose my patience, my cool and my mind....

The long and the short of it is that whenever he's not testing limits (constantly, every moment of every day) he's asking questions, asking them again, and again and again... just with more detail each time... and when he's not doing that, he's logically challenging my explanations, my rules, etc. or saying just one more thing, just one more toy, just one more, just one more...

It probably sounds like normal 2 year old compulsive behavior, but I'm starting to get concerned.... either about his compulsiveness or my ability to deal with it, or keep up with his massive appetite for learning.

At this point, he's starting to read on his own ... he's completely bored with the alphabet, shapes, colors, numbers and puzzles, trains, etc. and he's asking me questions like "how do rocket ships make it back home if they eject their fuel tanks during blast off" and "how do submarines make their horn sound underwater when there's no air for the horn to use" and "do our red earplugs work the same as our orange earplugs when we are swimming because they must be made of different things"... my blood pressure goes up 20 points when I hear a line of questioning come on or a pattern of constant testing begin because I feel like I just can't take one more thing.

I've downloaded some hypnotic audio tracks for me on how to maintain patience, etc. but beyond this, I'm really at a loss and I need some resources to deal with his behavior/intelligence/whatever it is. Does he sound overly compulsive or something?

Can anyone help?

 

Sorry, but :rotflmbo:

But the answer to your actual question is YES. I was just telling DH that I feel like at age 4, I say "No," "Hands off," "Don't touch that," "Come back here," "FOCUS!" as often as I did when they were 2, if not more (because I expect more of them now). I think 4 is a testing age. Age 3 was about randomly flying off the handle emotionally (DH and I called them "land mines"), whereas 4 is all curiosity, impetuousness, recklessness, and seeing what they can get away with.

I read in "Your 4-Year-Old" by Ames and Ig (one of my favorite series about child development) that 4 is an "out of bounds" age. They claim that 5yos are much more contained and sedate, at least by comparison. I'm looking forward to that. OTOH, they say to try to enjoy your 4yo's wild sense of adventure and exploration (while keeping things as safe as possible) because it can be lots of fun. I'm working on that part...

And also, what KCMichigan said.

ETA: Emily, I don't think your DS sounds compulsive, he just sounds very, very smart and curious. I've often thought there should be a "Science for Parents" book to explain just these kinds of things. (Amy asks them too, but not so much at that age.) I would encourage you to try to make a distinction between honest questions (which can still be exasperating, but are just due to curiosity and wanting to learn) and real testing behavior. You can put different limits on different kinds of questions.

At that age, I also had pretty good success with "I just told you the answer -- do you remember what I said?" Either they would quit asking, or at least I felt like I'd given them fair warning that I just wasn't going to listen to any more questions along those same lines -- at least not at the moment.

 

Emily, I got nothing but hugs for you! I thought my DD's constant, "Mommy, what u doin?" was annoying enough!

 

Yes - I don't mean to sound like a mean impatient mom... I promise I'm not that bad... I answer his questions and sometimes I have to say, "honey - I just answered that question three times... do you remember what I said?" and he kills me with the shows he watches (Wonder Pets, etc.) - he'll say "mommy, what the horse on wonder pets said?" then I answer, then he says "what he said after that?" and so the cycle goes until I say "baby, I don't know what he said after that" or "baby, I think he said that you have be quieter so you can hear the rest of the show" and that usually doesn't work either... God knew how to help me find more patience in my life... first give me twins, then give me a boy with a serious knack for repetition and curiosity, just to test my patience further

The other day he was just screaming "Where is my vaca??!!?? Where is my vaca?!!?" and I said we don't have a vaca... I don't know what you mean... finally, he found his plastic cow, and come to found out vaca (sp?) is cow in spanish.... I just can't keep up I tell you