Meltdown at mealtime

Recently my children have both been refusing to eat if they are in their booster seats at the dining room table. If I let them run around and feed a little here and there, they will eat some. I don't want them to think that this is an option though. They will start crying as soon as I start to strap them in and will sometimes go into a full tantrum and others they'll just sit there - but either way, they aren't eating!! I end up turning into a short order cook, offering them 4 or 5 different things and they just throw it in the floor. I hate not feeding them, so I usually end up doing bites of this and that while they run around after removing them from the table. Anyone else have this problem? What worked? I'm thinking I'm just going to have to stand my ground and make them eat at the table or not eat at all. They will eventually get it and start eating. It's just so hard to think that I'm starving them (I know that they will not really starve and will eat when they are hungry - it's just so frustrating!!).

Today my DS started a full tantrum when I strapped him in and finally I took him out and he continued to have a full screaming tantrum, throwing things and trying to hit if I came near him, for 50 minutes straight. :headbang: DD just refused to eat, but with no crying. They only seem to eat good maybe 1 day per week. Does this sound like normal behavior??

Thanks for any help.

 

This may be a dumb question (really don't know because we do kids chairs not boosters) do they need to be strapped in for safety? If so, maybe try kids chairs they can climb in/out of themselves? Perhaps they don't like being restrained or want to sit like the adults do? This worked for ours… we were beginning to get some tantrums with high chairs, but noticed at daycare they were trying to sit in chairs- they wanted to sit like the other kids do at daycare, and so for now no more struggle they come running to their fold- up kiddie table (but ours LOVE food, lol).



If this is acceptable maybe try this? If not, I agree w/you.. only get food/snacks sitting at the table.



IMO this is completely normal toddler behavior… (I looked at the age of your twins before answering... if they were only a year I'd think maybe they were uncomfortable or something) toddlers are known for testing parents' limits.... I think that's where the saying 'terrible twos' came from (although not yet two, but you get the day). IMO they are having a battle of wills with you to get what they want (they're BOTH doing it and I'm sure watching eachother), and for now they're winning. If we cry long enough mom will let us run around(and they get food anyway). The tantrum... my more stubborn guy will tantrum with ME (not their dad, but me... they figured out I'm the softie) and if he gets good and going nothing can stop him for a long time after the cause of his tantum is over.

Oh, also in our house ours get an instant time out for biting/hitting. It still happens sometimes but not as much as when it started. They don't get in trouble Or time outs for being upset… but biting/hitting in any circumstances for us isn’t. I just wanted to mention this because for us it really helped us curb the destructive behavior when upset as oue of our twins had a real problem with biting when he was upset for a while.




IMO there isn't anything wrong with trying something else that might work -but If trying to make them comfortable/figure out what the opposition is to doesn't work, I think then you need to be firm. The only exception I could think of is if it is medically necessary to get a lot of calories in (really skinny, etc) other as long as they're drinking fluids they should be fine for at least several days if they refuse to eat at the table.

 

Don't worry, this is absolutely normal toddler behavior!! My guys will *still* do this (it is getting better) at some meals, and Jack is the worst. Sometimes he gets rigid and won't even let us sit him in his highchair, then he proceeds to scream and throw everything off of his tray. :gah: I make them sit, put food/drink on their tray, and give a hug for a few seconds if they seem inconsolable. Then I sit down and eat my own meal! If they throw their food I take it away until they calm down, but I treat tantrums at the table like I do tantrums during the rest of the day: I ignore them as best as I can, and usually they go away after a few minutes.

I promise they will not starve! If you stop feeding in between meals, and offer food matter-of-factly while they are in their boosters, this behavior *will* go away. It might take a few meals, so make sure you pack extra patience for a few days!

 

I totally agree with Valerie!!! I just wanted to add that while you're doing that maybe you can give them a smoothy in a sippy cup (without the valve or with a straw cup) and make sure that has a bunch of yummy stuff in it so you know they are getting at least some healthy food.
Also have you tried giving them forks or spoons? I think it was about that age that mine started acting up during meals and giving them a fork to "use" was a nice distraction. Good luck!

 

Oy, that sounds rough! Our boys always start fussing when I put them in their boosters too, especially when I snap the tray on. But I always have cheerios or some finger food ready to throw on their tray as a distraction, which so far has worked. They immediately stop fussing and start eating until I can get their real meal situated and ready to feed them. My husband is not always so prepared and he'll let them get all worked up while he takes his time getting their meal ready, and by then sometimes they have passed the point of no return and totally fight taking food when he is finally ready. Your LOs may need more than finger foods though. Our boys are still very young so we haven't seen any real nasty tantrums yet GL!

 

Oooh, I forgot about that old trick! That's a really good one! :good:

 

I think you are spot on with this. I agree with pp who said at the moment they are winning because they get their way by screaming. If them sitting at the table to eat is important to you then this is a battle you are going to have to have. I would also leave the food in front of them, unless they're throwing it, and then just ignore the tantrum. If you get through the whole meal time and they don't eat a thing (or very little) then I would save their food for the next hour or so, so that if they start asking for food you can put them back in their chair and bring out the same meal. If it's longer than a couple of hours before they ask for food then I would make them wait until the next mealtime. If you get them down and they ask for food straight away (quite likely as they will probably think they are getting to do their running around and eating) then I would just put them straight back in their chairs and offer the food at the table. I wouldn't unstrap them from the booster seats until they had stopped tantruming.

If you're not already then make sure you have their meal totally ready to go (or have finger foods for them while they wait) before strapping them into their seats, so they don't have any waiting in chairs time. I like the idea of having a fork/spoon for them to hold as a distraction as well.

Good luck, and remember you will get through this without them starving!