i am going to lose my everloving mind

i swear jacob is psychic. i go to bed at different times every night, depending on mood. he's upstairs with the door closed and a noise machine running. yet the instant i decide i'm going to go to bed, that's the VERY INSTANT he wakes up from a stone-cold sleep and starts throwing a tantrum. and it's never caused by anything we can determine, like a soiled diaper or hunger, etc. he screams bloody murder and if we eventually give in and check on him he immediately perks up and is like "mommy! daddy! ball! toy! outside!" as soon as he sees us. we end up having to re-CIO every few weeks because he does it so often. and after a few weeks of sleeping uninterrupted he has a night when he wakes up screaming bloody murder, we fall for it because he sounds so serious, and then we're stuck for the rest of the night listening to him tantrum. then the next several nights he wakes up every couple of hours throwing a fit because he wants to get up to play and we suffer through CIO all over again.

we've tried taking him to bed with us, just patting him down to sleep, nightlight, no nightlight, lovey, book in the bed, nothing works. and there is no such thing as soothing him all the way down to sleep or rocking him to sleep. he's the most stubborn and tenacious tantrum thrower i've ever seen. the only thing that eventually works is CIO, but he's willing to scream for an eternity in an attempt to win the battle. as near as i can figure, he throws a fit because he wants to be with us. i'm not averse to trying co-sleeping but he refuses to sleep in our bed. cries just as hard if we try to get him to sleep in his crib or our bed.

it's driving me completely mad. we decided to go to bed at 10 tonight, climbed into bed at 10:30, and didn't even have a chance to say "good night." he just woke up from a stone-cold sleep and started shrieking. it sounded urgent so i went up and sure enough he perked up and was like "mommy! daddy! car! ball!"

i can't not check on him when it's that sudden and that urgent sounding, but all it does is lengthen his tantrum when we leave the room. it's been 45 minutes now and his fit hasn't eased by even one degree. and knowing his pattern he'll eventually stop for about 3 minutes, then start right back up again for at least another half hour. it's 11:15 and we're probably going to be doing this until at least 2 a.m.

i am going to totally lose my sanity.

 

:hug: Oh my goodness! You poor thing!! :hug: I have no advice! I would totally do the same thing! Is there a chance that maybe it's a milestone thing, like everytime he's learning something new he does this?
I hope you all get some sleep soon!

 

Oh I feel for you. One of my girls has the ability to make everything sound like life or death too. She even practices during the day, I've caught her doing it. As I read your post, these are my thoughts: What is his sleep routine? Is he sleeping a lot during the day? Is he just way overtired at this point?
I haven't been through this exact scenario but I wonder if you are consistent, like do your CIO and then don't go into the routine of soothing him, etc. afterwards, then repeating the cycle, he's probably caught on...what a smartypants! I think he needs to learn that there is no partying at night and no one will respond to his requests to party! Sometimes if my daughter was really upset I would take her into bed with us and that led to way too much waking up and wanting our bed so now our rule is no sleeping with us ever unless one or both are sick. Works for us, both girls are generally now sleeping nicely all night. We had a run of early wakings but that's passed, so basically 7:30/8 to 7:00ish in the morning.
Even if he wakes up screaming at the top of his lungs-really, what could really be the danger, if he's in his crib and you now he's safe with nothing dangerous around him, there is likely nothing wrong...

 

we're very consistent about bedtime and nap routines. we do daycare and we make sure to do the same schedule on the weekends as on weekdays. weekends tend to be packed with lots of exciting activities and places to visit, which is one of the reasons why i think he wakes up wanting to play. because when we give in and get him up he babbles words related to what we did that day. but he does this during the week, too. both boys had what is, for them, an epic nap today. 2 1/2 hours, which is unprecedented. bedtime was normal, although he did lay awake up there giggling and babbling to himself for an extra 30 minutes or so tonight. he didn't seem overtired, in fact his brother seemed much more wound up at bedtime. but owen has been zonked since he went down.

i guess i'm a sucker because i tell myself, if he had a nightmare i don't want him thinking i won't come in and soothe him. so of course there are no wolves in his bedroom threatening his life, but i end up feeling like it's urgent enough to need me anyway.

so yeah, unfortunately i'm probably guilty of not being consistent enough because when we go through one of these phases i start out by talking myself into going in and giving in to what he wants. which is to get up out of his crib and walk around the house as i'm trying to calm him down. it's true what they say, if you're doing CIO and eventually give in, they'll learn to cry exactly that hard for exactly that long because they know that's your limit.

tonight i think the initial wake up might have been because he wrapped himself up in his blankie and was so bundled up that he woke up sweating. but really, that's just an excuse. a fly could have landed on the crib rail and he would have used that as an excuse. that's how he rolls.

he stopped for about 10 minutes and now he's started up again. i'm listening to an all new tantrum that's just as intense as the last one. it's going to go on and on and on like this until he's finally so exhausted that he can't do it anymore.

 

:hug: Sara! That would drive me absolutely :wacko: I wish I had some good advice for you to make him stop. I'm wondering besides learning a whole bunch of stuff and having to share it, if he has a little separation anxiety too? Maybe he is a light sleeper and hears your footsteps up the steps and that's his cue to start up at night?
I'm sorry you have to deal with this :hug:

 

ugh - that does not sound fun at all.

i think that it might help to come up with a solid night time waking routine. if you choose for it to be CIO, than you really do need to stick to your guns & not go in - no matter what. ever. but it sounds like that approach doesn't really work for you. the other option would be to go in, not talk to him, don't turn on any lights, try to avoid eye contact, but soothe him in whichever way works (lay him back down & pat & shush, pick him up for a cuddle, etc). do your soothing routine for a couple of minutes, or until he stops crying. then put him back to bed & leave. definitely don't take him out of the room. repeat as needed. this approach is very labor intensive, it will take a long time to work & everyone will likely get less sleep at first, but if you're consistent, it will work. and once it's an established routine, it will work well & work quickly. the biggest benefit to it is that it allows you to check on him & ease any concerns you have. the key is, that whatever approach you do, you need to do the exact same thing every time you go in & also, make it clear that while you are happy to come & check on him when he needs you, it isn't time to play or talk, it's time to sleep. it can also be helpful sometimes to keep a log of when he wakes, how long he cries, how you soothe him & how long it takes for him to go back to sleep & then eveluate after a week or two - the problem will probably not be resolved, but you may see progress (fewer wakings, less time awake, etc) and that can be encouraging.

:hug: i hope he goes back to sleeping for you soon!

 

you're absolutely right, being inconsistent and sometimes giving in and taking him out of the room is probably making it worse. DH and i are going to discuss what our strategy should be so we're on the same page.

my dad told me last night via facebook that i did the exact same thing to my parents when i was little. he thinks this situation with jacob is hilarious. thanks, dad. <_<

 

Have you ever not gone in there when it happens? I also have a Jacob and he did something similar for sometime. It started right before he turned a year and lasted well over 10 months. He would wake up with a high pitch screaming cry and if I went in there and picked him up, he would lay his head on my shoulder and go back to sleep. As soon as I would lay him back down, within a minute it would start again.

One night I finally decided not to go in there and within a minute or two it stopped. Even at 2 1/2, every now and then he will do it but within a few minutes he's back to sleep. He'll do the same thing during naps.

I do notice he'll do it more when he's not had enough sleep the day before or if he's missed his nap.

Another suggestion would be to buy a video baby monitor and aim it at his crib.

 

that is EXACTLY the behavior we're witnessing.

we just finished the bedtime routine and DH and i had a quick talk as soon as they went down. we know there are no rabid wolves in his room, so we've agreed to not go up there tonight. we'll see how that goes.

 

Be strong and good luck! Give it the usual three or four nights and push through! Please update