My sons are 10 months old and are great kids, but they still don't STTN. Heck, they won't fall asleep unless they are bottle fed/nursed to sleep. At naptimes, I use a variety of tactics, from nursing to wearing them around to get them to sleep. CIO does not seem to work. Friends and family members with babies don't seem to have this problem. They have babies who slept right away. Or, at LEAST by 10 months. I do the wake up, eat, play, then do what I have to to get them to nap. At night, it's play with dad, eat, bath, story, nurse/bottle, bed. Take away the bottle/nursing and you get crying that does not stop. (Yes, I've read that whole "go to bed sleepy but awake" thing. There is no such thing with them, it seems.) I've read ALL the books. I look at this library of sleep books and seethe with resentment. I've read websites, looked at YouTube videos, asked people for advice, taken the advice, read message boards, you name it. I give up. I am so tired. I am just never going to sleep again. My mantra is, "It's a good problem to have!" After all, I have these amazing kids! They seem happy, but the books all say they need more sleep. I love being a mom. Just feel like I am not serving them well. And I feel sad. And tired.
I have three kids and none have been good sleepers. My son is 4 and he just started sleeping through the night most nights. Twins are 7 months and nowhere near sleeping through...heck, one still sleeps on me and one sleeps next to me and they nurse all night long. It works for us because we don't care for CIO and this time is soo short. I think as long as everyone is happy, let it be. It does stink to not get a full night of sleep but it is what it is right now. I wish I were more help, I have read the books too but my kids seem resistant to any of the methods. Just hang in there, it has to get better right? Dena
There is nothing wrong with being annoyed at the kids not sleeping, and it definitely doesn't mean that you are failing as a parent. I've been there with my twins. I was lucky not to have the problem of them not going down for naps, but they didn't STTN until 13 months old, and until 18 months they still woke up 3-4 nights a week. I say if a bottle of nursing gets them to sleep--let it be. You might be able to try gradually reducing the nursing time or bottle ounces, so they become less dependent on that to get to sleep. I also have to say that people treat CIO like it's a panacea that solves all sleep problems. Truthfully, it just doesn't work for all kids or all parents, or in cases like mine it works marginally--it's not a miracle and has to be done over and over. Your kids may do better being soothed to sleep until they eventually can figure out how to soothe themselves to sleep.
:grouphug: Can I ask which ones? Have you read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child? How long have you tried letting them CIO? There have been a few times that I had to "retrain" them to CIO. When that would happen, they would cry for a good hour or more the first night. Second night might be 30 minutes and usually within a day or two they would fall asleep without crying. As they get closer to a year, they begin to understand the connection between crying and you coming in to soothe them. Heck, my boys are 2 1/2 and just tonight my one son began a full out crying spell when I walked out of the room. As soon as I walked back in he looked at me and laughed. :headbang: I hope some of the other ladies here will have some ideas for you.
Please do not beat yourself up, you are doing a great job. I am doing exactly what you are doing when it comes to putting them to sleep and have done so with all my kids My DS1 was sleeping through from 6 months and going down on his own by 8 months My DS2 finally slept through at 13 months but started going down on his own at around 11 months And the twinkies (12 months) are still not sleeping completely through or going down on their own:laughing: What i am trying to say is that every child is different and have their own rythms, and up until recently, i was the same as you, read all the books, magazines, anything and everyone else's kids were sleeping 12 hours straight from birth on their own, heck, even dressing themselves before bed !! And i thought, i must be doing it all wrong, but you know what, we are not the only ones, there are plenty of us out there missing sleep. But it does end and get better, i promise you from experience, i thought DS2 was never going to STTN but he did it and our babies will too in their own time. There is nothing wrong with holding or feeding your baby to sleep, they get comfort and relax into a good sleep, and there has been no ill-effects whatsoever to my older two, they are fantastic sleeper now. I think mine are waking up because they have a lot of teeth coming down at once, and they just need a quick cuddle and a sip of milk to drift back off, it happens maybe 2-3 times per night but only lasts 5 minutes max. Sometimes we take them in with us and they sleep fine there too. The going down on their own will come in soon too, they will understand better, and what we always did was in the beginning stay right by the crib sitting down holding their hands, my older two got it down to a T after about a week or 2 and there was no or very little crying involved, i just cannot do CIO, it isn't for me. I know it is hard and a lot of work, especially when you think that everybody else is doing a better job or having an easier time than you are, but you are doing great, the main thing is that you and your babies are healthy and happy!! Keep up the good work Charlie
Thanks so much! It helps that to know that it is not just me. I was in a bad spot yesterday! I totally agree about CIO being seen as a panacea. I've tried it with some limited success, but if there is a point of no return, I'm just not going to let them go on. For example, one time one of my guys cried and cried and I could tell he was terrified, so I put an end to it. It took 40 minutes to get him to stop shaking. I have BOTH Weissbluth books (regular and twin version!). I have everything from the Sears Baby Book to Babywise to the Baby Whisperer. I think I just needed to know that it wasn't just me. That some babies are easier to get to sleep than others.
You are not alone! Our twins didn't sleep great for the first year. I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I own EVERY book on sleep that anyone ever mentioned online. I tried all of the solutions that magically worked for other people's children. Not for us. sigh. At one year, we decided to meet with a sleep specialist. She assessed our situation and helped us come up with an individual plan for our family. We did some modified crying with intermittent checking. My DS did pretty well with the suggestions. My DD had a hard time with the training. She is still our more difficult sleeper. The second year, ours STTN and nap for 2 hours. Anything like a cold or teething will throw them off. I'm really strict with their schedule now because it took so long to find something that worked. If you want me to PM our sleep plan, I can do that. But you are probably sick of reading about solutions for sleep. Hang in there! Beth
You are not doing anything wrong! We have the exact same problem, although E&N are younger. Hang in there, people keep telling me it will get better.
oh sleep, elusive sleep! my girls are almost two & i've discovered that STTN is usually a phase. we'll have weeks where they'll sleep 12 hours straight through, then times where one or both of them may wake briefly once or twice, and other times (usually when sick or teething) when they'll literally be awake for hours on end in the middle of the night. :lazy: we're another family that worked with a sleep consultant - i loved the personal, one on one attention, encouragement & advice.
It's not just you. Although my twins are good sleepers, my daughter was the opposit. I could never figure out what the problem was. I also tried everything. I just kept her with us as much as needed, or got out of bed a million times at night. She outgrew it. Now she sleeps like you wouldn't believe! So no, it's not just you. Don't feel bad.
Oh my, you are so not alone as you can tell from these posts! I have 5 - and not a single one has EVER slept thru the night before at least 15mths of age. And even then, to me STTN is waking only once. The duo are 9mths old and Zachary is just starting to get to the point where he'll wake 2x a night - that is a good night. I totally echo Dena - this time is too short and if I have to rock my babes to sleep, or nurse them then so be it. I won't be doing it when they're 15. Heck, I don't have to do it for my 4yr old - and haven't for almost 2 years. My 4, 6 and 7yr olds all sleep wonderfully well. They go to bed without a fight, they don't stall (the odd night we have an issue, but routine usually takes care of all the possibilities) they sleep well and wake on their own at the perfect time. I read all the books with my first - and panicked because 'all my friends' said their children were sttn - I panicked that I was doing something wrong. I tried CIO - I cried harder than my babe did. I found it was just NOT FOR ME. So I don't worry - I know it will fall into place and in the grand scheme of things this time is so short. I, luckily, can make do with sporadic sleep so therefore I choose to not do anything about it. There are 2 books that I learned a lot from - Sleepless In America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and The 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program by Polly Moore. Those were the two that really helped me.
My pediatrician was telling me that her first kid was a great sleeper and she thought, "I am SO good at this!". then her second kid was still waking at 10 months, and she realized that so much of it is the child, not the parent. Hope that helps
We were about to lose our minds at 6 months, so we ended up going to a pediatric sleep specialist as well. I had read every book, pored over forums, talked to everyone I knew. . . I was obsessed with getting sleep. At that point the babies were waking up every hour and I had to feed them or rock them to get back to sleep. My husband and I were not functioning, and it got pretty bad. We had to do something, and luckily we have a sleep center at one of our local hospitals. It was amazing. We ended up meeting with her for almost 3 hours, and she wanted to know every detail of our sleep routines. She has been doing this for 20 years and gave us a plan tailored to our situation. It was a 3 step process for us, but it worked within a week and it was a pretty gentle approach with limited crying. For us, the first step was teaching them to fall asleep in the crib. I had been nursing them to sleep as well, and it apparently was a jolt for them to wake up in their cribs and not know where they were or how they had gotten there. The next step was weaning them at night, and they actually did great. They have been sleeping through for over a month now, and I am so grateful for that sleep center. My babies still wake up here and there, but it's nowhere near where it was. Mom and Dad are so much happier, and so are the babies. They actually started going down for naps so much easier too. Now I can just lay them down, say "it's naptime" and close the door, and they go right to sleep. I never would have imagined it would work. If you want any more details, let me know. Believe me, I was where you are, and it was the hardest thing I ever did. There were moments when I thought I was going to die, and I was not being the greatest mom to my kids or the nicest wife to my husband. We are in a much better place now. Hugs to you, and I hope things are going better.
