Stranger Danger

DD is very friendly...says hi to perfect strangers when we are out and about. We were in line the other day and the cashier said something to her and acted shy and didn't say anything. I said "he asked you a question" and urged her to respond and she did. That moment got me thinking...

Should I be encouraging my kids to speak when spoken to when we are out and about?

How did you/plan to talk to your kids about strangers?

Is there a book I can get to read to them? How about one for me?


TIA!!!!

Lindia

 

Great question! Mine are also pretty outgoing and I do encourage them to say hi to people and respond when someone talks to them. I've recently started to think about how to introduce this concept without swinging the pendulum the totally opposite way. I feel like it could come across as a mixed message. One moment I'm telling them "Tell the nice lady how old you are girls" and the next I'm saying "Strangers might be bad so don't talk to people." I grew up with parents who were/are afraid of the world and its taken me a LONG time to get over my shyness. I don't want to instill that in my girls, but on the other hand, I want to make sure I'm teaching them what they need to know to stay safe. I guess that is a hugely long-winded reply all to say, thank you for posting this question and I look forward to the replies!

 

I recently attended a little talk by a missing childrens agency on how to teach stranger danger. One of the main things they emphasized was the importance of teaching your kids to ask permission from you before talking to a stranger. That way, you don't have to discuss all the different situations that can come up and when it's ok or not ok to talk to a stranger. You just teach them to always ask you first.

 

That makes sense except during times when you get separated. What do you tell them to do then? Find a mommy-looking person (at the park/beach), find a police officer (at the mall), find a worker (at a store)?

 

Ugh! I didn't even think about if we get separated... I think "find a mommy looking person" is a good idea. I will try the ask first if it happens again. DD will get it..DS is a different story, he's not really concerned about paying attention to other people when they speak to him yet.

You would think somebody would have written a book about this type of thing by now....

Lindia

 

This video: http://www.thesafeside.com/ is great for teaching about strangers. It was made by John Walsh and the lady who came up with Baby Beethoven. It teaches what to do in different situations and characterizes people into "safe", "kinda knows", and "don't knows". It is fun for the kids, but really teaches them!

 

I also attended a RADS kid safety class, and the general rule was it's okay to talk to a stranger if mommy or daddy are with you.
Of course, those situations when you're out and about and they might get lost, you have to talk about that too. He really encouraged us to have these conversations with our kids all the time, as we're out and about to discuss who is safe and what they should do if they get separated from you.
Mostly, lots of discussion with your kids, not just ONE sit down to explain, but talking about it all the time. Quiz them, praise them when they get it right. Gets easier when they get older.

 

Also, in addition to stranger danger, it's important to help kids recognize privacy and boundaries, so that they know that even some "authority figures" (priests, coaches, teachers, relatives, etc.) are not safe when they don't respect private boundaries on the body.

That's what worries me far more than stranger danger is the "familiar" danger. Sad but true!

Meg

 

I hate "stranger danger" because it's almost never helpful. Most molestation occurs with people the child knows.

We talk about more specific rules:
Kids need help from adults, never the other way around.
Bad people lie to trick kids (we talk about examples).
Most people are good people but you can't tell by looking at someone whether they are a good person or a bad person.
It's always OK to say no -- even to an authority figure.
If something feels strange/wrong/off, get away from the situation and tell me about it.
If you get lost, you should freeze right where you are; I'll be looking for you and you're easier to find if you aren't moving. If it's not safe to stay, ask an adult for help (uniforms are the first choice, other mommies are second).

 

I really like your rules. Especially the bolded one.