7 week old twin girls...HELP

I am a new mom to 7 week old twin girls. I am basically by myself with them 24/7 and I am having a lot of trouble. I feel like I'm drowning with no one to pull me back in. They are both pretty fussy all the time and neither one of them likes their swing or bouncy chair, so I have a lot of trouble finding things to keep them occupied when they are awake. One of my girls has awful reflux and is gagging and spitting up constantly and she cannot lay on her back, even elevated, so I sleep her on her side. I actually sleep both of them on their side because the other one just hates to be on her back. They eat 4 1/2oz every 4 hours, but everyone tells me that is too much, but they want it, so I don't know what to do. Feeding time is awful because they are both waking up to eat at the same time so I always have one crying to be fed while I feed the other. And then the one that is fed is crying while I feed her sister. I've tried holding them and feeding them at the same time, but it just doesn't work for us. I have been contemplating sitting then in their bouncy chairs and feeding them at the same time that way, but then I feel bad for not holding them. I could really use any tips or advice you can give. Right now, it is a struggle just to get through the day for me and I feel like an awful parent. Please help!

 

:grouphug: :youcandoit:

take a deep breath, you're in the thick of it and it's natural to be overwhelmed. here are some thoughts:

have you considered shortening the time between feedings? it's possible they're fine with every 4 hours but the fussiness might indicate that they'd be happier eating every 3 or 3 1/2. we were sent home from the NICU on a 4 hour schedule and found the boys were so hungry by the time bottles were ready that everyone was miserable. maybe consider bumping back feeding time and seeing if you can get to them before they're desperate and both clamoring for food.

shortening the time between feedings might also result in eating a bit less per meal, which means less in the tummy to blurp up from reflux. have you discussed the reflux issues with your pedi?

as for feeding them at the same time, i always share this photo as a suggestion. i also found that i could put a swing on either side of me, sit crosslegged between them, put one baby in my lap and hold the bottle with one hand while using the other hand to rock the other baby (and keep the pacifier in play). then burp, move baby A to the swing and move baby B to my lap and do the feed/rock thing all over again.

 

Something that may help with the feedings (as I'm in the same situation as you are with having one cry while the other gets fed) is to use Boppy's. Do you have those? I sit on the middle cushion of the couch and put one on either side of me and sit a baby in each one facing me. Then I can sit back and feed them at the same time. They still get their cuddle time with me as I burp them.

 

First of all, do not feel bad about not being able to hold them all the time! Girl, you have TWO babies!! Right now, it's all about survival. You can hold them later.

I was going to suggest boppy's, too. You can still talk to them and have your arm touching them while you feed them at the same time this way.

 

While I don't have much advice, I can sympathize. I also have 7 week old twins. Mine don't have reflux, but are REALLY gassy and SLOW burpers. In the late afternoon/early evening, they have total melt downs. Both scream inconsolably, and I can't get to both at the same time, which only makes me feel worse and gets the twins more riled up. I also feel like I am drowning and have no clue what I am doing. I admit to skimming books desperatly trying to find some tidbit that might help me manage - but I haven't found that golden key yet despite all of the promises on the book jackets. (Happiest Baby on the Block my rear end!) By the time DH shows up, we're all pretty upset with the situation.

My point - you're not alone in feeling like you're not able to meet your twins needs. My best friend, a mother of a singleton, constantly reminds me that she experienced the same thing... and she just had one. Sometimes kids just fuss, much to their parents anxiety.

You are not a bad parent and you are not alone! I suspect we just have to get to know our kiddos better and we all need to learn to communicate. Good luck. Know someone over here in AZ is feeling your pain.

PS - This is easy for me to say right now because mine are sleeping.

PPS - Another confession, I read your thread hoping someone would reveal the "secret."

 

You are in the worst of it! It gets better from here so hang in there! I totally agree with PP that you cannot feel guilty not holding them for every feeding!!! You have TWO babies--not one, so things have to be different and sometimes not the ideal way you would like. Use the bouncies or boppies and then try to make individual cuddle time with each baby at some point in the day. When they get a little older, it will be easier to feed both at once and that will make your life so much easier. So hang in there.

Also, my little refluxer did a lot better switching to a specialty formula, so talk to your pedi about your options.

 

I second a PPs recommendation of shortening the time in between feeds and see if it helps. Our boys were sent home from the NICU on a 3 hour schedule, and it wasn't uncommon for them to be screaming to be fed within 2.5 hours! Granted, they would only take about 2.5 oz at a time then. But with reflux babies they generally recommend smaller, more frequent feedings. I know given what an ordeal it is to feed both babies its not a pleasant thought to think about feeding them more often, but it may alleviate some of the fussiness and screaming and be more bearable than you think.

On a side note, I too found it very frustrating to feed them both simultaneously, mostly at night when they were in the bed with me and not on the couch where it was more comfortable. Like a PP I would set 2 pillows on either side of me on the couch and I would sit in between and feed them simultaneously, which wasn't too bad. I actually used adult sized contoured memory foam pillows because our boys were so tiny they rolled around too much in boppies (the dip helped keep them in place). Anyway, during that time I was obsessed with finding a hands free bottle holder. I spent a fortune buying and trying any kind I could find including:
-podee bottles (my preemies didn't have enough sucking power)
-the "Milk Maid" styrofoam bottle prop (moderately successful though it tipped easily, but burp clothes helped with that)
-the "Bottle Nanny" (worked great but the ring is really tight)
-the BeBe Bottle Sling (worked great but we never fed our babies in carriers)

Having tried a variety of hands free feeders I can now safely say that they were not the complete answer to my problems, but they were helpful on occasion. I recently sold my "bottle nanny" and plan to sell the Bebe bottle sling on ebay as soon as I find time to list it. If you think you might be interested in it PM me. I've heard of several people feeding their reflux babies in a carrier seat because it elevates them, but I just never took the time to drag a carrier seat out to feed a baby with the sling. And none of these products alleviate the need to burp which causes headaches all its own.

Anyway, good luck and try to remember that this too shall pass (in time)! It is soooo hard in the beginning, but hopefully you and the babies will get in a groove soon.

 

I don't have anything to add, just wanted to give you a big hug because I know how you feel!

 

Thanks for all the advice. I tried the boppies at the last feeding and it worked with a little crying during burp time. I think we can make it work. I tried for a week to do smaller more frequent feedings and the crying was worse.It didn't matter that they were eating more often, they wanted the same amount of food as before. I'm very limited on funds and can't afford the hands free bottles. I love them so much but I'm looking forward to a brighter day.

 

Sara has already said everything I wanted to say here!

But I did want to say congratulations on your babies & :welcome: to Twinstuff. Hang in there, those first few months are really difficult, but once you settle into a routine it will get better. :hug:

 

I did not read everyones replys, beacause im holding a baby and typing with one hand. so its taking me a while, ha. but i feel for you so wanted to comment on how to feed them. My girls are two months today, and they sound exactly like your girls, it was not til this past week where they did not nee to be held 24-7. do you have a playmat with light and music thety can lay on that is the only thing that entertains my girls.

if you have two boppy pillows, sit on couch, put one on either side of you and feed them. they are close to you, i would rather not hold them and feed then have one cry.

 

my babies slept on their stomach because they had reflux very bad also. my doc told me to give them 1/4 teaspoon of unflavored gavascon. it worked untill the nexium kiced in. take a deeb breath it gets alot better around 12 weeks.

 

Thanks so much everyone for the great advice. I feel better today! I think I was having a mini meltdown yesterday ! Hoping for better days ahead!

 

Ditto!
I am currently doing the same with one girl who has been awake for 6hrs with maybe 2 'catnaps' of 5-10 mins!!!!!! She seems to be so much harder to settle and does not seem to think that she needs sleep. She fights it all the time. Instead of sleeping between feeds, she quite often stays awake for 2 or 3 feeds. I wish I could have some of whatever she's on!

I am alone with my 2 for most of the day and can relate to original poster's comments. I started off the day feeling ok but the drowning/helpless feeling soon came back after trying to get 2 babies to sleep at the same time withoutresult!

Hugs to us all!

 

I've got to say I seriously could have written the original post!!! I have twin 7 week old girls too and they are doing the exact same thing! Ditto on the boppies.. I do feel guilty when I can't hold them each for the feedings, but some days I just want to get the feedings done and over with because they both will spit the nipple out or one of my girls will spit up what seems like the whole bottle! I have those days too where you just feel so alone.. have you tried putting one of the babies in a carrier?? We have a baby bijorn and it's such a godsend!!!! I wonder some days if I will ever sleep again.. I figure if I go much longer without some sleep I might start hallucinating! hahaha. From what I'm reading, we must all be right around the corner from some better sleep and starting to get some type of schedule going a bit during the day. Feel free to PM me! It's comforting to know I'm not in this alone!

 

OMG I hope that your right! Really, really hope so!
But how do you get 2 babies who sleep differently into a routine?

It's funny, my girls are 8 weeks 3 days and it feels like 8 MONTHS!

 

Oh boy, do I remember those days.. if you can get them both feeding at the same time you'll all get a lot more sleep too.. you can get right back to bed instead of the hour long turnaround. Hang in there, you're really in the thick of it, but soon all of that will be a distant memory!