Pushing other kids and MINE!

Lately DS (and sometimes DD) have been pushing other kids and saying "MINE!" We were at an indoor playspace this morning and my son was exiting a playhouse when another child was walking in...my DS pushed him out of his way. DD was climbing up and down the stairs of an apparatus and everytime another child wanted to climb up she freaks out, saying "No, mine!" about the apparatus. In the case of DS, I apologize to the child he pushed, hold his fists, look him in the eye and explain that we do NOT push others, to be nice, etc... With DD, I explain that the apparatus or whatever piece of equipment she is on belongs to the owner of the playspace and that everyone is allowed to use it. I feel like a broken record. :headbang: I know many of you on here have experienced things like this. I'm not keen on timeouts right now and I'm reading "1-2-3 Magic" and feel they are still young for it (they'll be 2 next month) Any tips on how you handle these kinds of situations? :gah:

 

I would keep doing what you are doing. When mine were doing this type of behavior, I would give them 2 or 3 chances to stop that kind of behavior and if we didn't, we went home. Good luck, I know it's hard to feel like a broken record and have to constantly reprimand the kids for the same behavior over and over again.

 

ITA about the broken record feeling. I get the same way with my guys about throwing. :gah: I like the idea of giving them chances, then removing them from the situation. They will learn that not behaving=no more fun.

I also taught my guys to sign and say "sorry", and when then do something to each other or me, I ask them to say "sorry". It doesn't always work (yet), and sometimes I have to take their hand and guide them into doing the "sorry" sign, but it makes *me* feel better, and it might diffuse the situation with other parents and children. I also taught them the sign for "share" and I praise them when the share toys. Hopefully this is sowing the seeds of cooperation for later!

 

For us, physical actions, hitting/shoving/biting are an immediate time out and have been since before they were 2. (Of course, the biting is a totally new thing that just started last week!!)

 

We never technically used time-outs or 1-2-3 Magic, but I did a lot of just removing them from the situation as a consequence. If he pushes someone, you can say, "No pushing. Take turns," and just lift him off the climber (or whatever). Then, before you let him go, remind him again "No pushing. Take turns." Repeat as necessary -- approximately 3526 times, or until they're about 2.5, whichever comes first.

It worked much better for us to use short, toddler-speak explanations -- like what I said above, rather than something like "This playground is for everyone to use, it isn't yours, you have to take turns, everyone's allowed to play here...." And try to make it clear what they should do (take turns, wait, touch gently, etc.) in very concrete terms -- i.e., "taking turns" is a lot more concrete for a toddler than "sharing."

 

i agree with PP - short, simple explanations work best with my girls too. i usually say something like "she can play too!" or "no pushing!". i know you said you aren't keen on time outs, but we also do immediate time outs/removals for physical violence - i just find the nearest chair or area where i can plop the offender & count off a quick 60 in my head. in those cases, i usually don't say anything other than "time out". when they're done, i just let them go back to playing, no lecture.

 

:laughing:
This is what I did/do as well. Keep explanations as short as possible and just repeat, repeat, repeat (some days I think I should just get a tape recorder and put certain phrases on it to save my voice)!
One of the good things about having twins (or siblings very close together like Eleanor and Ethan are) is that they get loads of practice at taking turns/sharing at home so generally they get the hang of it eariler than most only children.

Just remember it's a normal toddler phase and you will get through it!