Dealing with DH Being Gone for Several Days

DH is back to travelling several times a month for work. So I am home alone with the kids now a lot. I don't like it. We stock up on formula, diapers, etc., before he leaves, so I don't have to run out for anything, but I still find it very tough to be home alone with them for days at a time. Usually, when DH is home, he takes over the kids when he gets home, so I can make bottles, do dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc. How am I going to get all the essentials done with no break for days on end. I find it very hard to do anything but a quick task--even when they are sleeping. And, frankly, I would like to shower sometimes too!! but DD has learned to roll on her stomach but can't roll back, so when she does this during her nap, she screams and that makes it tough to take a shower even.

For those of you whose DHs work long shifts, travel, are deployed or those who are single moms--how do you do it?

 

:hug: There is nothing easy about it, but you can do it!! My DH is a firefighter and works 48 hour shifts two times a week, and God forbid he had to work any overtime because that would totally send me into breakdown mode. It is a lot to handle, and I totally get where you are coming from.

Do you have any friends or family that could help out? Even if they could just pop in for a bit so you can shower and rest for a little bit. Amazingly, I found the adult conversation very helpful as well for those feelings of being trapped and isolated. Or what about hiring a mother's helper for a couple days a week?

I can tell you, that as hard as it is doing it by yourself, you totally get a sense of empowerment. The older my girls got, the easier it became. My girls are 2 1/2 now, and I don't even think twice about him being gone. It's just another day around here.

It does get easier Momma!! You are doing a great job and you can do this!! :hug:

:woman:

 

Yep, same here. My DH travels alot for work. It is very hard in the beginning to get a routine going. But once they get on a predictable nap schedule, you can use that time to catch up on what needs to be done around the house and getting prepared for the next shift when they wake. I found that if I looked at my day in shifts, it was a bit easier on my brain. I also agree with seeing about getting a helper. Even if it's just a high school kid after school might make all the difference. :hug:

Yep, same here. My DH travels alot for work. It is very hard in the beginning to get a routine going. But once they get on a predictable nap schedule, you can use that time to catch up on what needs to be done around the house and getting prepared for the next shift when they wake. I found that if I looked at my day in shifts, it was a bit easier on my brain. I also agree with seeing about getting a helper. Even if it's just a high school kid after school might make all the difference. :hug:

 

So 6 months old ? If she rolls over let her have a bit of a cry it won't hurt her. It is important for them to have tummy time it strengthens them for other development tasks. Heck I can shower in 10 mins and it is more than ok for them to cry for 10 mins. When my dh is away I always get worried in the beginning but once he leaves something kicks in and you just do it. I'm not sure how but things get done. Trust me at those ages yu don't have to watch them -- when they start to crawl and get into things THEN you have to really watch them !!!

Allow them time to roll around on the floor while you get some stuff done. Let them explore their world on their own. Put on some nice music for them or Baby Einsteins gave me some time.

Expect less of yourself. P.j. day all day is ok. Vacuuming might have to be let go. If they are starting to put things into their mouth then sterilizing bottles really isnt' necessary. Just think you are building up their immune system.

YOu can do this .. you are a twin mom !!!

Heather

 

It's hard. I am a single mom, and even though I am living back at home for now, my parents travel a lot for work. I am home alone 90% of the time. For getting stuff done, I admit it's hard especially with the twins and my 2.5 yr old. I do it during nap time, or if they are all occupied, such as Donevan eating breakfast and the twins on the floor playing on thier mat, I put in a load of laundry. For suppers I do lots of crock pot meals. Just throw it all together in the morning, turn it on and let it go all day.

Thursdays Donevan goes to daycare so I just have the boys, thats when i do most of my cleaning. THey take a long nap in the morning, so I vacuum and wash the floors, finish laundry etc. If they cry and are in a safe place that I know they cant get hurt, and I know they cant be hungry and have a clean bum, I finish what I was doing, usually in the shower and then go see what's up. May sound mean, but if all their needs are met before I go shower and by shower I mean in and out in 5 mins, it wont hurt them to cry for a few.

Good luck hope you can figure it out

 

It is really hard! :hug:'s I don't know if this is possible for you, but I do hire a babysitter once or twice a week so I can get away. It is my recharging time. I also am slightly more relaxed with our schedule. I still keep a routine, but I don't go into panic mode if it's french toast for dinner again

 

French toast is great! My DS and I eat cheerios when DH travels - ha ha. Oh, and that was BEFORE I had twins.

 

HAHA! Crockpot girls! You can make anything in it. Saves my supper times

 

:hug: It is really hard sometimes but you can do it! My husband is a firefighter & sometimes works long shifts. I found that when the kids were little being super-organized was the only thing that really helped me maintain my sanity. I always showered during naptime, if they had to cry for just a bit, that was okay, I knew they were safe, and I needed a shower to feel human. :lol: And I made a point of getting out of the house at least once every day. Even if it was just a walk around the block, I left the house at least once.

As for things like laundry & dishes, I would always put them in their exersaucers, bumbo seats, jumperoos, etc. in the same room with me while I was getting my work done & then I would carry on an entire conversation about what I was doing. I found that it didn't matter much what I was saying, if I was really animated about it, they would listen. If that didn't work, I started singing songs, usually that would keep their attention at least for a few minutes while I washed the bottles or folded a load of laundry. I would move them from room to room with me as I got my work done. A change of scenery from one room to the next sometimes kept them entertained. Also, if they will watch Baby Einstein, I found with Luke & Lila those videos would give me a good 10 or 15 minutes that they were happy & I could quickly sweep the floor or something.

Mostly, hang in there. It does start getting easier to deal with them yourself as they get a bit older. :hug:

 

This is actually a fairly easy age to deal with alone, because they can't get into a lot of trouble I agree with putting them somewhere safe (pack n play, exersaucer, jumperoo) and go throw a load of laundry in or fix you some lunch! It's only for a couple of days at a time, so have dh help you make sure all the dishes are caught up, the garbage emptied, and most of the laundry done, and you should be okay for a couple of days. I'd throw a load of dishes in the dishwasher before you go to bed, and switch the laundry around, forget about vacuuming for a few days....and buy a bunch of frozen meals for you for lunch! It sounds so daunting, but once you've done it a few times you are going to become an old pro, and when someone says "How do you stay at home alone with them?" You'll smile and say "Piece of cake!" :hug:

 

The first time my husband went away the boys were 3 months old and I had no help because my family was sick. Up until then, I had rarely been with the babies alone for more than a few hours. It was intense, but I really got into a routine and I gained a lot of confidence from it. The key is to stay as organized as possible... really capitalize on their sleep times to get your laundry done, bottles washed etc. Be forgiving of yourself if things are not taken care of.. cleaning etc. And it's absolutely, 100% ok if they have to cry for a few minutes while you are taking care of something else.

After a while, you'll be annoyed that your husband comes home and screws up your routine :lol:

 

We're on day 3 and all of us are well-fed, happy and dirty, and 2/3 of us are well-rested. I CAN DO THIS! Thanks for all the support. It is definitely hard, and I opted not to take them out anywhere, but I am now feeling confident enough that tomorrow we might go for a drive--if it doesn't rain.

One problem I dealt with is that DH watched them all day right before he left, and the kids got off their routine and skipped a bottle. So for the first night, they slept completely off their usual schedule (which is 9pm-ish to 9am-ish), went to sleep 2 hours early, and woke up at midnight for a bottle. This made things really tough. Last night, they again fell asleep on me before bedtime, so I woke them up and gave them a bottle and they slept better this AM. I will make sure that DH keeps them on their normal schedule in the future.

I am going to have to look into getting some kind of help. Financially, it is possible, but so far, I have not been able to find the right person who can work the odd schedule I would need. But, hopefully this will work out for the future.

 

I'm glad you're doing well so far!

It IS hard, but like the others said, you end up finding your groove and just do what you have to do.

In addition to the other suggestions, I find that my weekly playgroup is a LIFE SAVER! If it weren't for that, I'd go nuts. So, not sure if you already have one or not, but see if you can find something like that - there are usually some in every town.

As for the shower, I haul the jumperoo and the exersaucer to the hallway by the bathroom and shower with them in there - the sound of the water usually calms them (did this with their bouncy chairs when they were younger too). And I get to shower and feel human again!

 

I don't know if you live in an area where this is feasible, but I have found a lot of luck with college girls for babysitting at my house. I drop them off to another SAHM sometimes as well, but when I need them watched at my house (which is so much easier when they're tiny!) then I like the college age. They are responsible, enegetic, and easily directed.

 

Sounds like you're doing great!

My DH also works away (2 weeks on/2 weeks off) and I have my Mom come to stay with me. Otherwise, I have no idea how I'd cope!