Discouraging Comments

So, I am so nervous and worried about carrying twins, and even more terrified of after they come home and how life will change drastically. Sleep deprivation, making sure my DD gets enough attention, etc, etc. On top of that my hubby works nights, and I am so worried about the first few months doing it on my own.

So...it seems like some of my family (not all) has nothing encouraging to say to me to give me strenght. Instead, comments such as " Oh my, it is gonna be SOOOO hard" with eyebrows raised. It's like they are saying "better you than me"!! C'mon people, don't you think I think of this all the time. I feel soo excited to have these children, and I know my family is happy for us, but I could really do without those kind of comments. Can any of you relate?? Just venting... thanks!

 

Yes..I remember those comments. I had many, many people with one say "I don't know how you are going to do it with two??" I let it go in one ear and out the other. Truth is, of course it will be challenging..but you can and will do it. You will come out stronger and with double the blessing!

 

I hear it ALL the time. I am so tired of it. I have three children aged 4, 3, and 20mos and am expecting twins in August. I have people that actually say "better you than me" to my face. Or they will say I don't know how you are going to do it or some other rude comment. I am not worried about bringing home the babies and dealing with everything because I know I will. I am more concerned with taking care of myself and my family and having a healthy pregnancy and two healthy babies. UGH people are just rude! Like the other poster wrote let it go in one ear and out other. Or make up a nice snarky remark that will shut them up.

 

Same boat! My family, especially my mom, is very surprised that we have gone this far (36.2 weeks) without any bedrest and complications (knock on wood!) and I have a 7,4 & 2 year old. I get more comments on how miserable I must feel carrying twins because I am so stretched out. I just admit, yes it is twice as hard, but such a blessing! I look at them and smile and tell them how awesome it is to have 2 humans growing inside of you. Be proud and positive and maybe it'll rub off on them! Stay strong - you have great support with TS.

 

Oh people suck.

I don't think I'll be keeping my mouth shut. I wasn't much good with rude comments when I was pregnant with one, let alone two....keeping in mind my last one was 11 pounds, so I will probably be about the same size.
I don't generally get offended by anything (bit of an Aussie thing). But I do think it's for people who are close to you to make comments to you about your personal life, not strangers. Having said that, there's a difference between the well meaning old lady who's just lonely and making conversation, and the highly obnoxious stranger making remarks for no good reason. To the first lot, you just smile and answer, makes them happy which in turn probably makes you happy. For the second lot - I say let em have it...then blame it on hormones. LOL

If I'm in a particularly bad mood I usually just eyeball them and say excuse me, I'm not pregnant...and they scurry away FAST.

As for family..hey, they are family. They drive ya nuts, but you love them anyway. Do tell them in a nice way that it's bothering you though, as many people (like me) treat people as they would be treated - e.g. because a comment genuinely wouldnt bother me, I am suprised if it bothers others. Once it's pointed out, I would apologise and be more tactful next time.

 

OH! I feel like I could have wrote this! My hubby also works nights and it is so frustrating to get the comments... "You are gonna be in hell", "I couldn't even begin to imagine how hard it's going to be for you", and some of my relatives and friends have actually said "better you than me"!
So I know what you're going through.. :youcandoit:

 

I think I kind of agree with the Better you than me thing... LOL. As in, I'm really happy to be having twins, so IMO it IS better me than them!! Maybe just an "My thoughts EXACTLY" back at them?

At least DH will be around during the day. Sounds really nice. x

 

You should!!

When people tell you how hard it is going to be, you can just say "I know, so which shift can I sign you up for to help me? Thanks for the offer!!"

Unfortunately, the comments don't end.

 

Sorry that you are getting comments like that. And don't let them discouraged you. I get them from some of the 'older' women at my work. They will say things like. "You do realize that you are having two more kids ?" Or I will get comments like "Are you sure you want to come back to work after you have them?" And all I say to them is you know I came back to work after I had my son 2 years ago and I will do the same this time.

Just like other moms that had commented here. Just let the comment go and when I get them now I smile and know that I am happy. And how lucky that I am carry two little boys inside of me.

 

Oh, ladies! Thank you all for the suggestions and support! I will try to let it fo in one ear and out the other. And, ya know, through these past several weeks (months) I have grown more confident and used to the idea that it will be ok, if not wonderful! My sis is my BF and I know she means no harm. But I wanna say, "Well, at lucky for me I am getting the hard newborn stage all outta the way at the same time. YOU are gonna have to do it ALL again". We both wanted 3 kids and we are both on our 2nd pregnacies (hers a singleton, mine obviously twins)

 

I didn't have any other kids before the twins, so I truly didn't know what I was in for.

I remember when I was at the doctor's office, at my first appointment, and I had my ultrasound and got the shock of my life when they saw 2 babies. That was the end of my appointment, so after I had to go bring my chart to the desk and check-out/make my next appointment. When the lady at the desk saw twins checked off on my chart she goes "are you upset?" I was in shock, I wasn't upset at all. Then she made a comment like "well, you don't have any other kids, so you don't know what you're in for." Then I called my mom and her response was "What are you going to do?" (Like in a tragic voice), and my friend who said "Better you than me."

Before those comments it never occurred to me that it was anything other than a miracle that I conceived spontaneous twins the first month we TTC!

 

my husband also works at night. I am also scared of what this will bring. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you have to remember that plenty of single moms have had twins before. the negative comment oh my! if i could of had a dollar every time a family member was like CONGRATS OMG IT IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH WORK. well i just would just look at them and say " thanks for telling me something i didn't even think of" in a very sarcastic voice. You just have to take it with a grain of salt and realize that the comments will keep coming because people are sometimes just stupid about something that is so overwhelming. Just remember you can do this. I promise you there have been many before us and there will be many after us. Just get a support group of moms who already have been through it or maybe just tell people that yeah i know its hard don't remind me !


DUE NOV.5th

 

I can't believe how many people actually say things like all of you have mentioned. The comments seem to get more frequent the bigger/farther along you get. The one I hate to hear the most is, "get your sleep now cause you'll never get it again". It's like...seriously..I'll never sleep again in my life? Dang, I'm an awesome robot! I've started to tell people right from the bat when we tel them it's twins stuff like "We are SO lucky we are having TWINS!" or "Knocking it out in one shot, having twins!"...things that seem to stop a lot from going the negative route because we already started the convo with positive.

Don't stress though, think of it this way..those people will probably never get to say these words, "We have twins". :grouphug:

 

The comments do not mostly go away until the kids are 2ish. You think they're bad now, wait until you take them out in public, to the doctors, to the mall, to the grocery store, to church, to the library. . .I still usually get at least one comment on an outing.

 

Having never had children before (and I'm such an anxious person anyway), I am already thinking about all the things that will be different with two.....worrying about the birth, breast feeding two, and how in the world we will afford two babies. My husband also flip flops days and nights and all of our family lives at least two hours away. I keep telling myself, "God wouldn't have given me two babies if He didn't think I was woman enough to handle it."
I have always wanted to use cloth diapers and certainly decided to cloth diaper when we found out we were pregnant with twins. The women at work have said things like, "I give you two weeks cloth diapering before you buy disposables." I just look them in the eye, very seriously, and say, "we can't afford to keep two babies in disposable diapers!" That seems to get the point across.