Feeding issues (2 yrs old)

Hi ladies

I hope you don´t mind me posting here a few weeks early. My B/G twins are 2 at the end of this month and I´d like to pick your brains.

My name is Rachel and my twins are my first set of children. I´m a Brit married to a Spanish man and we live in Spain.

DS was always a good eater when he was small. He´d eat anything I put in front of him. We started too late to transition to solids (I live in Spain where they dont recommend eating proper food until after 1 year of age and I stupidly listened to the people around me instead of following my gut instinct) so mine are still eating a lot of pureed food. Both are capable of eating food but as it´s all new, combined with their age, they automatically refuse to eat it. DD eats all her meals (pureed) but will eat some fruits now. The pedi isnt concerned and says they will eat when they are ready.

At 15 months, last September, my LOs started daycare in the afternoons and they were ill a lot. Due to their illnesses, their feeding got affected. Last summer they were eating their food with lumps plus eating melon, potato, etc. This all stopped when they started daycare. Daycare gives them their afternoon snack (fruit + yogurt) which is all blended up. Next year, I want my LOs to be offered the solid option.

DS is now very hard to feed. He has just started the terrible 2s and everything is "no". He refuses to eat lunch and refuses to eat his afternoon snack. I always give him a choice but he refuses. I dont believe in handing out biscuits and puffs if they dont eat their main meal so if he doesnt eat what is offered then he goes without. The pedi also recommended this and to offer just water to drink. The pedi reassured me that DS would eat eventually. Thing is, he doesnt. He goes from 9.30am-8pm without eating anything at the weekend and he is clearly hungry as it shows in his mood. I´ve tried the leaving him to go hungry, I´ve tried offering his favourites (cheese, cheese on bread...), I´ve tried letting him eat off my plate but he is just being stubborn. He even tried it on a breakfast but as he is hungry then, he ususally eats what I give him (toast then yogurt). If he could have his way, he´d just eat yogurt all day long and we have already been through this phase.

He gained weight (1 lb) at his last check up so there´s no cause for concern. However, I know he eats at nursery so he´s getting 3 meals a day Monday-Friday. It´s the weekend and holidays that concern me. I just wondered what you would do in my situation: would you give him what he wanted, or would you do what Im doing. I ignore all the attention-seeking behaviour and dont react when he doesnt eat. It´s putting up with his behaviour as a result of refusing to eat. He is clearly fighting for his independence but he doesnt realise Im only too happy for him to experiment with food - its him who doesnt want to. Is this just the terrible 2s?

Thank you for reading!

 

Hi:

We had a feeding issue with our son when he was younger and someone recommended the Ellyn Sautter book, Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense. I highly recommend this book for anyone with an infant, toddler, preschooler or young child that is a picky eater or with eating issues.

Her basic philosophy is a division of responsiblity in feeding. It is your job to provide healthy and nutritious meals and snacks, but it is the kids job to decide what to eat and how much.

I didn't have your particular issue (and the book may address it), but I would start meals with finger foods (when your DS is hungry), and finish up with the purees or less solid food.

Good Luck to you!

Meg

 

Love, love, love this book. Definitely worth a read IMO.

 

Hi Meg

Thank you for your suggestions. I do give DS finger food and he throws it all on the floor or tries to get it far away from him as possible. He wont eat purees either - he screams madly if he sees the bowl and it is impossible to try to feed him. The other day I offered him some omelette and also put some of his favourite cheese on the same plate. He removed all the omelette (he gave it to me) and then refused to eat the cheese as it had been on the same plate! He is wearing me out with this strong will! I might give the book a go, if they sell it in my part of the world, as the pedi is of no help whatsoever!

 

I have a copy I can mail you, if you cant get it in Spain. Let me know :hug:

 

Thank you, that´s ever so kind of you to offer! I have found a copy on Amazon.co.uk and have ordered it. I´m praying it gives me some insight as to what I´m doing wrong (or at least it feels that way!).

 

I honestly don't sweat it anymore... I give them a healthy meal (most of the time), and they'll eat what they'll eat... I don't believe in food fights! To be honest we rarely eat with them too, so they have no pressure to eat what they don't want to eat... we're definitely not hovering on them. We had to stop feeding them purees at 11 months though because they refused to let us feed them, but if it's what they give at daycare yours are probably better at using a spoon than mine are.

Do you give them forks when you give them solid food? it seems to make my kids more interested as a whole.

 

My LOs dont eat with us either and I leave them alone the rare time they want solids. DS goes mad if I try and feed him and Ive tried leaving him with the bowl and it ends up on the floor. This only occurs at breakfast, lunch & snacktime though (he eats his dinner with me no problem - I dont get it!). I always leave him to eat as he is better that way, I never hover either (MIL does and it drives me nuts!). Forks don´t work either *sigh*. I guess I have a super stubborn son & I just have to let this phase pass and pray he takes an interest soon! Thanks for your feedback.

 

My heart goes out to you. I LOVE that book really it will give you a good perspective. I too have a strong willed daughter and one who is only strong willed when it comes to eating (she is under the 3rd percentile)

So first thing that stood out was you said "he gained a pound". GREAT. So he is eating enough to gain weight. ONe less thing to worry about. So next is the food. I'd suggest stop it all cold turkey. Yup, daycare and at home. Decide what toddler meals you will feed him and then that is it. Heck, let him help you dump all the pureed foods into the garbage and say "bye bye baby foods". REad books on fruits and veggies. Point out the foods you just read and show them on the plate. Let him watch you cut the veggies / fruit before you feed it to them. Cut up the food put it on the tray and walk away and don't look. (my friend's suggestion) Then come back clean up and end of meal. Don't try to examine what they ate. Sometimes we give them 15 mins before offering a different finger food option.

They can skip a meal or two just like they can go without sleep some night. No mommy guilt if they don't eat. Just try to limit the milk at meals or they will fill up on that. Try to have milk given way before the meal. I put extra in their milk because mine are so picky. Try to give as many choices as you can about things like which chair, which spoon, which bowl. You might not want to allow them to choose which foods for awhile.

Be strong and say "I've decided ...."

It is so hard having picky eaters.

Heather