DS was bitten at pre-school

Ok, so I go and pick up both kids today from the nursery school they go to, the kids are happy and fine. Then the teacher tells me that my DS was bitten today by another child. She said it was not his fault, he was playing with a toy and another child came up and tried to take it, DS would not let go so this other child bit him. Now, i do realize that bitting happens at this age, and I know this first hand because DS NEVER bites anyone, but my DD does sometimes bit him - and i watch them quite closely. So, I am not so much mad that it happened, but mad that they wouldn't tell me who did it.

So, when the teacher told me what happened, my natural question was "who bit him", and she just said that it was "another child in the classroom". And I asked again, and she just kept repeating that. So, I left it at that, but it really left a bad taste in my mouth, and I think i need to talk to the director tomorrow. Again, I am not too upset that he got bit (because it has happened at home occasionally), but I am a little mad that they didn't tell me who did it. I mean, maybe if I was really mad about it, or something like that I can understand them not telling me, but I wasn't mad, I was just concerned and curious.

So, the ironic part is that all I had to do was DS when we got in the car - "did someone bite you today", and he replied "yes, Alice bit me!". So, i know who did it in the end anyway!!

is this normal or commone - is your daycare/pre-school/nursery like this?

 

I was a teacher before I had the boys and we were absolutely not allowed to mention any other child's name in any situation no matter what. It is prohibited. I'm sorry that that happened.

 

It's normal. It would have been a breach of confidentiality if she had told you. I'm sure the director will tell you that the teacher was just following school policy.

 

They aren't allowed to tell you the name of the other child. I would have days when the twins were still in daycare that I would get two incident reports....one for the biter and one for the bitee. (Here in MA, they are required to file a report about it.)

 

the school can't tell you who bit him...they will probably tell the parent of the biter though...and just because he said Alice bit him doesn't mean that Alice really bit him - it means it was the name in his head at the time...I can't tell you how many times my kids would come home and say "so and so" hit them and that particular child wasn't even at school that day!

 

The school is required to protect the privacy of the child. They are not allowed to tell you who bit him. But you're right, most of the time my kids will tell me accurately who bit them.

 

Standard procedure.

They will tell the biter's/offender's parent's too but the who is not given out.

 

Yep, not surprising they didn't tell you. I remember putting Luke in the bathtub when he was little (about 3) and seing a FULL SET of teeth marks on his shoulder. I about flipped out because the daycare didn't notify me that he was bitten..their story was he never said anything. I was livid!!

 

Everyone is correct, by LAW the teacher can't tell you who bit your child. Does it really matter who it is? The kids aren't even 2 1/2, and at that age, kids bite. Do you really think you can make him stay away from the biter? The point is that he got bitten, the teacher reported it and it was handled properly. The other parent most likely also got a report that their child "bit another child" that day.

 

I'm just surprised that the teacher didn't say, "I'm not allowed to tell you who bit him." Surely the fact that it's school policy can't be a secret.

Anyway, that is absolutely the rule at our daycare/preschool. If one of my kids bit the other one, they would tell me who bit who, but if one of the children involved wasn't mine, they would never give me the name.

Now, of course, the kids do. Usually they tell the truth, but sometimes they do say it was a child who I know wasn't even there, so I take what they say with a grain of salt.

Our daycare occasionally forgets to tell me stuff like this. I don't really mind, but I would rather they admit that they just forgot, rather than saying they didn't notice or he didn't say anything. Maybe there are some kids who can get bitten and not even yell loud enough for the teacher to notice, but certainly not mine!

 

Ok, thanks for all of your replies, I do feel a bit better! I live in the middle east, so there really is no such thing here as "privacy" here, so that is definitely not a law in this country (this is the country where they walk into the waiting room at the doctors office and ask you why you are here to see the doctor - infront of EVERY other patient!). I did call the director tonight just to chat with her and see if that was "their policy". She did say that last term they had major problems with a few biters and once the parents of the bitten children found out who it was they were nearly attacking the biter telling them to stay away from their CHILD! OMG!
So, I do understand why they are doing it this way, it just would have been nice to have that explanation upfront. I did however let the director know that this strategy will work on the non-verbal kids, but the verbal kids can and may very well say who bit them! As I said previously I am not concerned that DS was bitten, as that occasionally happens in my house as well, I just feel a need to know who is doing what to my child so that if it becomes a regular problem or issue I can help deal with it. I never rely totally on teachers or anyone else, I truly feel that the only way to know what is going on and to help protect your child is to be involved.

I most certainly will not approach the other child or make any comments, that was never my intention in finding out who bit my DS, but I feel that as a parent I am entitled to know if someone is hurting or has hurt one of my children. I know the little girl that bit DS and she seems very nice and sweet, so I have no problem with the way things were handled, I just will keep an eye out to make sure this is not a regular thing.

 

Just out of curiosity...at what age does this "law" stop? For instance if my child was 8 yrs old and was regularly being attacked, hit, punched, kicked or bitten at school - would the principal and teachers not have an obligation to tell me what is going on, and who was doing it? At what age does it become abuse and not "protecting" the person who did the attacking? I am not trying to cause a problem with this post, I am just really curious if there is an age when it becomes ok to let the parent know who is hurting their child?
Please note - i am not trying to compare blatant abuse of an 8yr old to a biting incident with 2yr olds (which is in the realm of normal behavior). I just feel a need to find out more information about this law and how it works and is put into practice.

Thanks in advance : )

 

I think letting you know that something happened if it comes to the administrator's attention is something that they must do, but who did it, they shouldn't tell you. I think that information generally comes from the child when they tell the parent what happened.

 

I don't believe a school is ever allowed to tell you who did something to your child. They tell you what happened, but the who part of the story is always "a student or a peer". It is confidential. Though a school-age child can most likely tell you the whole story and be pretty trustworthy.

When we fill out incident reports at our school, we fill one out for the child who was hurt and one out for the child who was the "aggressor" - neither report contains the other child's name.

 

Uh oh, I shouldn't have posted in this thread!

We're going to get TWO notifications today. Seems that a certain Royce bit a particular Alice today.

 

I don't think daycares are supposed to disclose the biter. I know Lily got bit one time, and I straight out asked if it was Grace who bit her because Grace had a stage of biting Lily all the time. They confirmed it wasn't Grace, but didn't tell me who did the biting.

 

Must be the season for biting. Karina was bitten today. Daycare didn't tell me who did it, but Karina told me. I wasn't sure if I should believe her, but she told my husband the same name. Apparently, it was completely unprovoked. The kid just came up behind her and bit her on the back. She has a perfect round ring of teeth shaped bruises. It's not a big deal who did the biting, but it made me feel better since that child is always "perfect." I guess she's not so perfect after all. Hee hee.

 

My oldest is 12.5 and in 7th grade. Three weeks ago she was injured by another child at school. Broke her nose and she needed surgery! The school never once told me WHO was involved or WHAT his consequence was, just that he was being dealt with. At her age, she was able to tell me the whole story but the school cannot and will not say who it was no matter what happens. So I don't think age matters at all.

 

Ah, the biting stage, I am SOOOOO glad we are over that one! It was miserable!

But like others have said, it is the policy of our daycare not to release the name of the biter too. And really, one cannot do anything about it even if the biter was known. One can only help their own child cope with being bit, his or her's reaction to it and what to do to try to avoid it.

 

That is assuming :girl_devil: that you don't have the biter and the bitee!