Hair Pulling

I've got one that is always pulling his brothers hair, he will latch on and not let go till I pry his hand loose. The poor brother just sits there frozen until I rescue him from the grip. I've tried everything I can think to stop this but nothing is working. Anyone have experience with this? What did you do that worked?

 

That's a tough one. I am having a similar problem, except they are pulling MY hair!! haha...sometimes they just like to play with it, and other times they seem to pick the MOST sensitive spot they can and YANK it! OUCH!

I would love to know what people have done about this too...I am hoping they don't start doing it to each other. Helps that one of them doesn't have grabable hair yet

 

They like hair, because of its texture. They pull it, because they still have a very strong grip and it's really hard to let go.
Try to give him something soft, that he can grab on. It may help.

 

OMG I could have written your exact post. My twin boys are 10-1/2 months old and one is a hair-puller extroardinaire! He has been yanking on my hair and his big sisters' hair for months, and it hurts like crazy, and in the past couple of months, now that his brother's hair is long enough, grabs his hair and just as you described, will NOT let go. My other one just stands or sits there crying away, because it really hurts him, until I pry the hand away.

You say you've tried everything, what have you tried? I am also at my wit's end. I have tried VERY forcefully telling him no, over and over again, while pulling his hand away. I have ended up nearly screaming at him (not a first choice, and nothing I am proud of, but it has happened out of frustration) and that certainly seems to upset him, but it doesn't get him to stop yanking away. Only once I even resorted to lightly slapping his hand, which is against pretty much my entire parenting philosophy, because I am nearly in tears with frustration each time over this chronic problem.

Somehow, sadly, he seems to use hair-pulling as a way to show love and express affection, of all things, as opposed to being something malicious and intended to harm anyone. So that seems to perplex him even more, that he should be getting scolded for simply trying to express his love! And to top it off, when I am trying to scold him for pulling his brother's hair, his innocent brother can't really tell the difference and thinks he's being scolded, so he ends up crying even more.

It is a terrible, extremely frustrating situation, and really quite serious. I am sure it reads rather humorously, but as someone who is also going through it and living with it, I know you understand how awful it is and how completely discouraging that nothing is working. Clearly we both need some solutions ASAP!

 

I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but I never found anything that worked at all for hair pulling except time. I always said no, because you want them to learn that it's wrong but I think they are a bit young to understand at that age. And I always moved them apart so that they couldn't reach each other, but if they were within striking distance one or the other would grab onto the other's hair. They did outgrow it after awhile, I think it's just that it's something new that they've learned to do & they like the feel of it. As soon as something else catches their attention they will move on to that.

 

My 9 month olds are doing it too - except they pull their older brother's and mom's hair. (They just don't have enough yet.) When Nathan went through this phase, we just kept redirecting him. That's all we can come up with here - and knowing that they will eventually outgrow/get bored with. It stinks though My hair is looking rough ... sigh

 

You also have to remember that they have about ~~><~~ this much attention and memory span right now. It's going to take lots and lots and lots and lots (and lots and lots....) of repetition before they will learn. But they also don't really understand cause and effect yet, so they don't understand that they are actually hurting their sibling.

What we do is take their hand away, and then help them rub the others head and saying "Nice...gentle....nice...nice brother....soft hair....nice...". Mine are almost 15 months, and no they aren't gentle with each other yet, but i can say "No no, be nice.." and they'll stop what they are doing and think for a minute, long enough for me to get over there and show them how to be nice (for the millionth time).

Like Tina said, time, growth, understanding...that's about the only way to stop this behavior! :hug:

 

I agree with the PP about taking their hand and saying "nice...gentle". That's what we did with older DS when he would pull my hair. I'd take his hand and rub it on my head and say "loving hands, Kaleb". At first it didn't mean anything but eventually anytime he reached for my hair, he'd rub like I showed him.

Good luck, it's a hard thing to deal with.

 

I started doing this about a month ago. One of the boys is starting to get it and be much gentler with my hair... The other has a ways to go but doesn't care so much about the hair.

 

when my DD pulls her sisters hair i say no and give her a toy instead of a handful of hair........doesnt really prevent her from doing it again though

 

I didn't read all of you post, but I am having the same issues with our 10 month old girls. The only thing that has worked for us is for me to stop the unwanted action and say OUCH! that hurts sister and give the hair puller a toy.

I am having more trouble with my girls pulling my hair than each other's right now. I have really long hair and if I wear it down for one minute, they are all over it.

 

we put a lot of energy into correcting the grip and moving their hands and saying "gentle." it takes a long time for them to make the connection but starting early means it'll click sooner. we didn't have a problem with them grabbing hair, but we did have a problem where they wanted to use their little brush to brush each others' and mommy and daddy's hair (although daddy is bald so... :laughing: ). sometimes they would get too excited and hit with the brush instead of brushing. so we would grip their hand and show very slow, soft movements and say, "gentle."

we use "gentle" for lots of things hand-related, like petting the kitty, touching mommy's earrings, touching hair, and patting each other's heads.

you can also go the other way and teach "no." owen was a biter so we worked on "no bite" and every time it looked like he was about to put his mouth on something we would move it away and say, "no bite" until it clicked. so you could move your son's hand and say, "no pull."

 

ITA. Great post.

understand that they don't understand they are hurting their sib. They are curious about the sibs reaction but they don't understand it is pain they are causing.

If it was my hair I would give a yelp saying "Ouch!" and startle them to help them understand the sensation they are causing is not a pleasant one. If it is a sibs hair I would tell them "ouchie that hurts, be nice...gentle" and show them how to be gentle. I never found giving them a toy or something else to hold on to worked as from the child's perspective they've just been given a toy/reward for pulling their sibs hair. If I could have put a toy or other object in their hand before the hair pulling that would make sense but I was never able to predict their behavior like that.

The other part is be patient. It takes a while for them to understand the cause/effect.

 

The best solution is to have bald kiddos, like I do

I ALWAYS wear my hair pulled back for this very reason--DS loves to grab my hair. If I were you, I would give your boys crew cuts (I'm 100% serious). But, if my DD ever grows hair, I won't be able to do that, so I will have to just redirect DS.

 

:laughing:

:good: