how often do you visit?

I'm just curious. How often do you guys visit and how long do you stay? Also - do you ever call just to see how they are doing?

The reason I ask is because last night DH called after shift change to check on them. And the nurse said "well what do you want me to tell you?". He was pretty peeved. He works long hours during the day and cannot go up there every day. I am a SAHM but I have a 3 year old who I have to arrange care for every time I go. Which usually equates to taking him to an hourly drop in center, which equals money, money, money.

I'm just frustrated. We have a couple of nurses up there we LOVE. But the last couple of days we've had different ones and they don't seem so friendly. I mean can that nurse really not understand that we miss our babies and it's not natural to have them home with us and we want to call to make sure they are okay? Not only that, but that we also want updates on how they are doing? Even if nothing has changed since the last time we checked. FYI we don't call a million times a day. Usually once during each shift. And we try to visit every day but it doesn't always happen that way.

 

Mine were in for 24 days and 46 days. The Dr would call us every morning with an update, and more often if there was anything going on or test results, etc. We usually visited once a day for an hour or two. Once Camdyn came home, I had to arrange care for her so I could visit Ansen so that definitely got much harder. I was not very comfortable leaving my tiny baby with anyone! I did miss a couple of days when my husband was away and I didn't have anyone to keep Camdyn.

As far as calling. I usually called at night only, since the Dr called in the morning and we visited in the middle of the day sometime. I also had to call sometimes to see what their milk supply was and if I needed to bring more. Almost always they were pretty nice and didn't mind updates. Sometimes they were a little rude and I completely understand where you are coming from. It's such an emotional time for parents while their babies are in the hospital. Hopefully they will be home soon and this will all be a distant memory!

 

I too am a SAHM and my older children were school-aged so I didn't hae to arrange care for them until the evening and usually the hubs was home. I HAD to go everyday. I was so upset at leaving them that my head would not stop hurting. I would only ease when I was there with them. I'd hold them and cry the whole time anticipating leaving. I have no idea why a NICU nurse would not be extra perceptive and extra compassionate when dealing with parents. Being rude is unacceptable except in the most exttreme circumstances. Check in and see what the usual "down" time is and maybe calling will be less stressful. Praying they are home soon and this will be a thing of the past.

 

That is ridiculous what the nurse said to your DH. I would talk to the head nurse about that because of course you are concerned!!! I'm so sorry the nurse made you guys feel like you can't call whenever :grouphug: I would call at least 2x a day while the girls were there. Once I even called really late at night because I couldn't sleep and I just had a weird feeling. No one ever made me feel silly for calling.

As for visiting, I was there everyday. BUT I didn't have any children at home and DH works in the building so I would just go when he went to work. I'd stay for most of the day, pump there, go up to DH's office if I needed to rest, and then someone from work or my family would drive me home if DH had to work late. So my situation is a little different and I can't imagine having to juggle a toddler and the babies in the hospital. It must be so stressful.

If anything the nurses should be even more reassuring to you and your DH. :hug:

 

I would be livid at the Nurse. :angry: That is ridiculous.

I visited everyday from about 10am-4pm. I would do the noon and 3 feedings and then go. We had a 2 year old at home with a family friend each day. So we were lucky that we had help for that. Then I would call once in the morning and let them know when I would be there and I would call around 11pm since that is when the nurses were done with their assessments and weights. Hang in there.

 

That nurse was rude!! Mine were in for 63 & 87 days and I went in everyday from about 10-4 then back from about 8-10pm. I wore myself out. My mil stayed home with my other two. I didn't call as much bc I was there all the time. When McKenna got moved to the step down nursery I used to call every morning after weigh in. She had a hard time gaining and I couldn't wait to hear about it. If you have nurses that you do not like, talk to the nurse manager and see if you can have them not work with your babies.

 

Ugh, sorry your husband had to talk to that nurse. I only called a couple times when my girls were in the NICU because their doctor called to update us once a day (usually in the morning after shift change), then I would relay everything to my husband while he was at work.

During their 6 week stay,we visited everyday except for 3 days. 2 days I was sick with a cold/allergies and was terrified to visit in case they got sick too. The third day we didn't visit was my 28th birthday. My husband booked us a night at a nearby bed& breakfast, and we took a little time for ourselves. In retrospect I needed that day off. The NICU experience was so exhausting/emotional.

At each visit we would stay for a couple hours, sometimes more, sometime less. It generally depended on which nurse was working that shift. Some nurses were very interactive and had us bathe the girls, assist with tube feedings, change blankets and just chat about life/kids/etc. Other nurses were awful and treated us like we were in the way.

 

MIne were in for 122 days and I was there every day except 1. But I didn't have any other kiddos at home either. The day we didn't go was because one of the nurses we loved insisted that we have a weekend to ourselves and give ourselves a break before they came home. I was there every day for about 4 hours and called at least once a day and no one ever made me feel like I shouldn't have called! That is unacceptable and I would also report it. You need support while your little ones are there and you definitely don't need that!

I hope your babies have a short, uneventful NICU stay!

 

The nurse definitely should not have acted like that. :grr:

I went to the NICU everyday that they were there. I would visit once during the day from about 11am (couldn't go before due to rounds) and stay until 2:30pm and I would be able to be there for 2 feedings during that time. Once I started BFing I would sometimes go down for the 8pm feeding as well. But unfortunately I could not stay longer as I had an older DD at home as well and the hospital was 30 miles away.

My DH would stop by each night after work for about an hour and we would call every night before going to bed and ask how they were doing. They always gave us a weight update when we called at this time. I also called each morning to see how the night went and to let them know when I would be there for a visit. :good:

 

I was fortunate enough to have a ton of help when my girls were in. I had two older kids as well, but I was able to make it every day, ALL day. That is not the norm, though, and I truly realize how lucky we were. I also called every night to check on them, even when my husband went (he would occasionally go after work but he really didn't go that much since I was there--and he's a guy ). The (very) few times I received an attitude from someone, it would make me cry. I remember one time specifically that I actually left because I was so upset by the nurse who had them that day (she never took care of them again). Granted, I was a little over dramatic about it but the NICU ride is so emotional. Even though I knew there would often be nothing new to tell me, I always wanted to say good night to the girls.

If you are not happy with the nurse, then definitely tell the nurse manager like the pp said! That's not at all acceptable, and as a NICU nurse myself, I make it a point to encourage parents to call me whenever and as often as they like throughout the night. I love the families and am bothered when they don't call. I love to tell them about the babies weights and baths and how they were comforted. I'm always telling the babies how much their families love them and miss them and wish they could be there, and if they're big enough and stable enough (like the feeder/growers) then I will often cuddle with them while doing their charting with one hand. I tell them when mom or dad called. I know the difference is that I've been a NICU parent so I promised myself that I would do those little things as a nurse that I loved as a parent. My babies write notes to their parents (they're so smart ) and get signs for just about everything. There was one nurse who did this for the girls and I've since told her how much that meant to me as a NICU mom.

These are YOUR babies and you should be able to call whenever you want, especially if you're not able to make it up there as often as you would like. And for the record, most of the families in my NICU don't call or even visit, so when a family is involved through phone it's a blessing. Trust me, the majority of us understand that most families can't visit often for various reasons, but they can almost always at least call. Well, except during shift change--that's definitely not a good time

 

That was really rude of that nurse!! I loved most of our nurses during our stay. DH worked day shift so I went in the morning around 9 or so then sometimes again around 2. Each time I stayed for a feeding or about an hour or so. then DH and I would go around 730-800 since shift change was at 645-715 and tehy did weight checks, etc at that time. We would stay for an hour or so and a feeding. I pumped almost continually around the clock every 3-4 hours so I would call on my 2-4 am pump session

 

I (SAHM) used to visit 3 times a day, usually their first morning feed after shift change, a mid-afternoon feed, and then we would both go at night after the shift change around 8:00. I would generally stay for about an hour and a half to two hours, depending on whether or not I had to pump there. At night, we would stay for about 2 hours, but after a long day we were both exhausted and ready to go to bed.

If I could not make it in in the morning, I would call first thing after shift change. Actually, sometimes I would call to make sure their feeding schedules hadn't changed and to let them know I was coming. If we didn't make it in at night (which was very rare), we would call. Do not feel bad about calling. When I called, I would usually just ask what their weight was, did they have any apneas or bradys, and how they were doing in general. My girls didn't really have any major problems after the first two weeks so there wasn't much news to report.

Hannah was transferred to a different hospital for a week that was further from our home so we didn't get to visit her 3 times a day for that week, but the doctor actually called me every morning after rounds and I would call later in the day. Every hospital does it differently I guess.

Just visit as often as you can. I don't have any other children so it I could come and go as I pleased. Don't feel guilty about not being up there as often as you would like. In my mind, if I was a perfect mother, I would have spent the entire day in the NICU, but I was so tired and I just couldn't do it. By the way, Kate spent only 5 weeks in the NICU, while Hannah spent 10 weeks. Hope all of that info helps!

 

We have been home from the hospital only a few days (this is their 7th day in NICU) but we visit once a day after the night shift change at 6:30pm. The doctor calls me every morning to let me know how the night went and what the plans were for their day. I have yet to call in simply cause I feel like I might get in the way.

Our nurses have been amazing though and love answering any questions we have about what's going on. If a nurse were ever to react like yours did I would probably blow a gasket and cry. They should know that this is very hard for mom and dad and that we are going to be nervous about leaving them there without us! If they don't they shoudln't be working in that area.
:grouphug: Always tell someone if you're not happy or concerned with something. They should be making you feel better about your babies stay, not worse.

 

EVERY SINGLE day once of us was there--no matter what. After DD came home, it was really hard, but we went to see DS every day, even if it was late at night.

Most days, DH would go in the AM for rounds and hang out for most of the day. I would head over in the late afternoon and he would go home and I would leave before midnight. But, I skipped a few days out of sheer exhaustion so I could sleep. But on those days, DH always went.

 

I just wanted to say that if you ever feel the need to call (even in the middle of the night), do it. They are your babies and part of the NICU nurses job is taking care of the mommies and daddies too :hug:

 

I was there pretty much everyday, but as others have said, I didn't have kids at home. I was off work for the time they were in the hospital and stayed at the Ronald McDonald House. I would usually get there about 9 or 10, take a break for lunch, and go back until sometime in the afternoon. I took breaks to pump, go to different meetings/classes put on by march of dimes, or sometimes just to wander around the hospital when I felt like I needed a break. That was pretty much my life most days of the week. On Saturday nights, DH and I would go home (2 hours) and come back Sunday night. Anytime we were gone, we would call and check in on them.

I think it's totally understandable that you cannot be there ALL the time. I think the nurse was being pretty rude saying that to your husband too. Err... we only had one nurse who just irritated me and it was rough.

 

I wuold call ALL the time!!

One of my twins was 600 miles away for 72 days so I didn't get to see her much because I was very sick & then recovering from surgery & then had the other twin home. But I would go for as long as I could, whenever I could.

 

we only lived ten miles away (after the first week), so going there was not a problem. i would generally spend about 8 hours/day there. i pumped once and often twice when i was there, so i wasn't w/the boys every second. sometimes i went twice in a day (it was pretty close but could take up to an hour in traffic).

in the 73 days we were there i only missed going twice. when i looked back on it later i felt i maybe should have stayed home a few more times just to take care of myself. but i never did that, unless i was sick.

everyone has to figure out the schedule that will work for her/him. calling the nicu, however, should NEVER be a problem. i would talk to a supervisor about any nurse that complained.... btw, i called every single morning around 2-4am (when i was pumping at home) and got an update. they welcomed those calls. i also sometimes called when i woke up on the moring and/or before bed. and i was there a lot, too. no one minded any of that.

hang in there!
jl

 

Our twins were there for 11days and I was there every day but one because I wasn't feeling well and was afraid I was coming down with a cold. I went for the 11 o'clock feeding stayed an hour, went home and hung out with my DD and went back for the 2 and I would take DD with me and she would feed or hold one while I was with the other and then my mom would come stay with her while I met DH at the NICU for the 5'oclock feeding and then some days i couldn't sleep and went back for the 11 o'clock. We were blessed to be just 10 minutes away and I went alot because A) I missed them more than I thought possible and B) we were blessed to be close and so I wanted to go as often as possible to relieve the nurses so they could give extra love to the babies who's mommys couldn't come as often.

I know that this is over and your babies are home but OH NO that was unexceptable. I called every morning when I got up even if I was going to be there in an hour and every night before I went to bed.

 

mine were there for 54 and 73 days. i called every night when i was pumping around 3 or 4am. i was there every morning and most afternoons. there were days i was there so long i had to pump twice. i knew everyone and sometimes even helped the new parents. i took my guys' temsp, changed their dipes, sometimes even gave them meds. i brought the lc in w/me when they turned 32 weeks. i made my self at home. i was always respectful but i had EVERY right to be there and i was (not saying this was the best thing for me, but just saying it was ok w/the staff---as it should have been).

best of luck. if someone doesn't like the calling you should complain. every book i read told me it was w/in my rights to do so.

jl

 

We have been visiting 2x a day. Its very hard seeing them sick but know that they are getting the help they need and that they will be home asap! Looking forward to that day