So, having boy/girl twins, I knew I was going to get the "are they identical or fraternal" question, but I have been surprised that only a few times people have asked and I'm like, "oh, they are boy and girl, so they are fraternal," and the person is usually like "oh, of course". Well anyways, so I'm at this dinner last week with a group of women from my work, most of whom are late 40's to mid-50's age range. One of them is a good friend of mine and has met my twins several times. So another one says (after we had just been talking about how they are boy and girl) "Are they identical?" So I jokingly say, "well, all except for the parts down below" - and she looks at me like "are you making fun of me?" It was so awkward. THEN, my other co-worker who knows my twins says, in all seriousness, "they don't really look alike at all, are you sure they are identical?" Both of these are extremely educated and intelligent women. I just said "nah, they are fraternal, all boy/girl twins are fraternal". But secretly I'm thinking -- what the heck is wrong with these people!! OK I'm off my soapbox - but I would recommend for any of you who were considering a "cute" reply to the question like the one I gave -- don't do it!! It not only made it incredibly awkward, I lost some respect for my friends!!
Wow, that would be akward. I'm suprised by her response "are you making fun of me?" She is probably not someone who can easily laugh at herself. Not your fault. Geez louise.
I was with my friend also a RN when we came across boy/girl twins. I was pg at the time. She said "are they identical "? I had to give her a hard time about that one. Not sure what in peoples minds think all twins must be identical... Surprisingly, we don't get that with my FRAT girl twins. They don't look alike of course or ACT alike. A strange hickup in our minds make-up i guess....
When I had Gabe up at the urgent care tonight, the Dr. was asking me about his siblings and I told him that he had a twin sister. The Dr. asked me if they were identical. I wanted to say "Seriously? And you're a Dr.?". But, I just politely said "Nope, they're fraternal.". I bet that was akward for you, but it sounds like you handled it well.
I'm beginning to think that some people are just programmed to think that ALL twins are usually identical (regardless of their different appearance and even sex). My husband's boss and his wife had b/g twins over a year ago. Everybody in their building knew they were b/g with names like Ryan and Madeline. Then a coworker went to their house for dinner after the babies were 8 months old or so. And they were obviously pretty good friends to have dinner after hours in their home, plus this guy has a masters and yadda yadda. Yet over dinner he asked if their twins were identical. If I had to guess he was probably just looking for conversation and that was the first thing that popped in his mind. They said that almost as soon as he asked that question he realized it was a stupid question. Anyway, its kind funny, and weird, how everybody assumes that! Our boys look pretty darn different, yet 80% of random people think they look identical (including staff in our pedi's office). I will say that we had a question asked of us today that we have never heard before. We made our weekly big run to the grocery store and I sent DH up the frozen aisle with the boys while I went down another aisle throwing stuff in the cart. DH insists on pushing the stroller because he LOVES to show off his boys and never shies away from strangers commenting on them. I came back to find him talking to some lady who had stopped him, and he was telling her that no, they aren't identical. Then she asked "Well do they poop at the same time?" :blink: DH recovered quickly from that bizarre question and said "No, but they usually fuss at the same time!" and then he started walking away. Twins just bring out the strangest comments!
:rofl: in my case the answer to that bizarre question would have been yes - never fails!!! to the OP I've actually used that line several times - I'm sorry your co-worker has so little sense of humor she failed to laugh at herself!
I had to laugh at this because our b/g twins are less than a week old and we've already been asked this question TWICE. And one of the people who asked is a good family friend of ours and has followed our pregnancy with us the WHOLE time and has known the WHOLE time that they were fraternal! She's one I just looked at her for a second with one eyebrow up and told her to imagine them naked and then ask me that question again. The sad part is she actually had to mentally compare from the head all the way down to the toes before I saw the lightbulb go off. LOL
:rofl: Your story is hilarious! I can't believe how many adults don't know that boy/girl twins can't be identical! You'd think it's obvious that they are different! What used to bug me in the first year is that everywhere I went it felt like people asked me "a boy and a girl?" My girls are identical, and I'd have them dressed matching from head to toe in pink, and I still was asked all the time. The sarcastic answer I always wanted to give was "Which one do you think is the boy?"
I get that question all the time, even when DD is tricked out in all pink looking as girlie as she possibly can. I just say, "no, they are boy/girl...can't be identical." The second most popular question I get is, "two boys?" Again, there is nothing boyish about DD at all (except that her hair is short). I was out with my BF at the mall and she was stunned that two different people came up to me and asked if they were boys.
I have a theory about this. When my sister and I were small (we are 2 yrs apart) I was even shorter for my age than she was, so we were about the same height and size, although I was a redhead and she was a blond. People would often say, "Look at the twins!" This drove me crazy when I was a kid, because of course my sister and I looked nothing alike. Once twins are school age or so, if they aren't ID it just isn't obvious that they're twins, and if you don't know them personally (or know someone with frats), you get the impression that of course twins are ID, because those are the only ones you can spot w/o help. So, if you grow up as a person with no personal association with twins, you just assume they all look alike and then stuff like this just jumps out of your mouth later.
Although I have two boys, they are obviously not identical and have never looked alike. One is a brown skinned with brown eyes and black hair, the other, damn near white(my vaniila bean)with sandy hair and hazel eyes. When asked are they identical, I look at them and say "Are they?" I had to learn quickly that some folks just don't know what the diff is and God bless them cuz even after you explain it, the probably go right back to believing what they want to believe.
I get that all the time!! Even when they're both dressed in pink. I have mentioned elsewhere on this forum about one particularly annoying person who, after being told they were both girls, replied (pointing to Ava) "well that one looks like a boy." Wowza!! :escape: I believe I smiled awkwardly and very quickly moved away from her. The nerve of some people!! There are so many things I wish I would have said at that moment.
My grandma is 84- so I do cut her slack. But when she met my boys, she kept saying OVER and OVER again, "Orion looks like a little girl". After the 6th time in 1/2 hour, I told he was a boy & I'd take off his diaper to prove it. I love her, but sheesh!
