What if I can't go through with it?

Giuliana is going to be 2 in few weeks. DH and I discussed weaning her and decided that when she turns 2 we will get her weaned (yes, I believe it will, and has to be, a joint effort between us). As we get closer and closer to her birthday I am having a harder time with this. Then today I interviewed for a part time job, and was hired on the spot. I am NEVER away from my babies, and am having a hard time with this. Now I don't know if I can go through with weaning Giuliana. I'm going to miss her (and the others, of course) so much, I am sure I will just give in anytime she wants to "nursey-nurse."

I am very much looking forward to having my body back to myself, for the past 5.5 years I have been pregnant or nursing almost constantly, with the exception of about 6 months, so having my body to myself would be really nice. And DH is looking forward to having my body to himself again too. I just am afraid I can't really go through with weaning her.

I am really happy that I have been able to nurse her for 2 years without real problems (a couple bouts of mastitis but that's it), but this is also my last baby. I think that is really why I'm having such a hard time dealing with this. I don't know.

I really don't know the purpose of this post, I just needed to "talk" to others that understand I guess. Thanks for letting me ramble.

 

When you made your plans to wean her, you didn't know about your new job. That does change the situation a lot. It would be OK to reassess your plans if you want to. You could always put off weaning just a month or two until the dust settles. That might make the transition easier on both of you.

Since you're so torn up about it, it would also be worth making sure that whenever you wean, it's because you want to, not because you feel like you're supposed to, for whatever reason (her getting "too old," DH wanting your boobs back, etc).

Good luck. This can't be easy! You will make it through, and no matter what you decide, it will be OK.

 

:hug:

(also, i agree with everything Holly said)

 

I agree with the others as well and I can totally understand about her being your last baby! That is awesome that you've made it to 2 years!!

 

I think re-evaluating the situation may be a good idea. If you still think it's the right time, go for it. If not, there's no harm in changing your mind. And the day after her 2nd birthday, will she really be any older than the day before? There's not a magic cut-off time for nursing, IMO. It may be that being away from her some will help her choose to self-wean... or not, as each child is different. I've nursed mine for all different lengths of time and only really weaned one. The others pretty much did it on their own. Though, if they'd pretty much completely given up one nursing time and then days or weeks later wanted to, I might re-direct them. 3 of my five were weaned before 2, my twins were much much closer to 3. And the only one I personally wish I'd done differently was my oldest who I weaned at 15 months. I didn't know anyone who extended breastfed, except for people who seemed "out there." And I was 4 months pregnant with Trey. But I was so sad about it. I think if I'd done it for more legitimate reasons, I may have felt differently, too. It's hard to say. I guess the point of all that rambling is to just do what feels right. And know that there are no hard and fast rules. If it's working for your family, great! If not, find a way to change things.

 

I am so there. My twins are 15 months and I told myself that this past Wednesday was going to be our last day (we have been down just the morning feeding for the past 4-6 weeks.) I know that it is time (for a couple of reasons) but Wednesday morning I was just looking at them like "how can this really be our last day?" and Thursday morning, sure enough I was nursing them! and Friday..... today I didn't though cause we were in a real hurry to get out of the house. So I think tomorrow is REALLY going to be our last day. I think I'm going to have my husband take our picture so that it will be like a little closure, a special event and so I can always look back on that picture with fond memories.

I do have to tell you a funny thing that happened to us though last week. I was on a long drive and I was thinking about how we would be done nursing soon and how sad it would be etc. etc. and I was wondering how the first day would be without nursing. And then I stopped and thought, "Wait a minute.....Did I nurse them this morning??? ......I don't think I did!" It was so funny. I didn't notice it until 4 hours later! Nobody cried. Everyone had done fine. So I thought, "ok, so we will all be just fine!"

So it's definitely a sentimental thing. I have 4 children and these are my last babies (99% sure) and it's so sad to see this chapter close. So we will see how it goes tomorrow. ..... Good luck with your decision. I hope it helps to know that others are right there with you.

shannon

 

Why does weaning have to be so hard? I'd love to hear from moms who let their kid/s decide when to wean. Is that just as difficult? My girls are almost 3 and I think about weaning (when? How? Why?) almost daily.

Rondajo- hope it is coming along smoothly, either way. I've been pg or nursing (or both) for over 10 years now (!) and totally relate to wanting my body back.

 

I don't have a lot of time to respond right now, but want to thank you all for responding. It is nice knowing I have a place I can come to talk about these things and have others understand.

My DS self-weaned all on his own (although I was pregnant with the twins at the time). I barely phased either of us. But I also knew I was having more. Had I not known that maybe it would have been harder. ardon:

 

It seems like weaning is harder for the mom than the child. Why is that? I definitely don't want my child BF'ing at 2 years old or even older, when they can refer to it by name "mommy's milk" etc. What is the issue with weaning - again, is it the mother's sentimentality? I'm trying to understand. thanks

 

I think everyone is different. I BF'd all my kids, the longest being the boys who weaned at 15 mos. I was fine with it. I read the stories of the mom's who have a hard time letting go and I must admit, I didn't feel that way. I thoroughly enjoyed breastfeeding all 4 of my kids and I thoroughly enjoyed when they were ready to move on to milk. We still get our cuddles and they still all come to me for extra lovies sometimes, even the 11 yr old. They all self weaned and that was fine. As for a kid asking for mommy's milk, the first time my son (now 8) said "i wan da boob" at 13.5 mos...we were DONE! :laughing:

 

it might be a little bit of sentimentality (it's the end of a stage in your baby's life that will never happen again with that baby) but it's also hormonal too. the oxytocin hit you get from breastfeeding can be pretty addictive. ardon:

sometimes though, when weaning is mother-led, you also wonder if you're doing the right thing, if maybe it wouldn't be better to wait & let your child wean themselves. it can be a very emotional process for the child too, if they haven't chosen it - if you're the one who's made the choice to wean you can feel like you're depriving your child of something that they really enjoy & is beneficial to them. you may wonder if you're being "selfish". i struggled with all of that when i went back to work & we dropped from nursing 5x/day to nursing 2x/day.

for me, having the personality that i do, any change to the routine takes time for me to adjust to as well. i'm not a fan of change - although, having twin toddlers has forced me to become better at it. for example, right now, one of my girls is showing much less interest in nursing (we nurse once a day, first thing in the mornings) and so i'm already worrying about what we're going to do instead of nursing first thing in the morning. logically, i know that we'll figure out a new routine that works well & everything will be fine, but i'm still anxious about the transition period.

 

I'm not sure that weaning is hard on a mom who child-led-weans. I think miss bossy is right in that it is hard when you don't know if it is the right thing to do. We don't push our kids to walk sooner, talk sooner, sttn sooner (oh wait, some people do this! :laughing: ) or hit any other developmental mile stone sooner than they are ready. So when we push our kids to stop nursing sooner than they are ready we feel guilty.

I totally believe that child-led-weaning is the right thing to do. 100% right for every child BUT (and this is a big but) I selfishly weaned my two oldest kids between 2.5 and 3 years for me. Even though it wasn't in their best interests. And that comes with guilt. I had planned to CLW the twins, but somehow thought it would happen about 2.5 years. It hasn't, I'm totally burnt out and would love to wean, but it is the WRONG thing for them. hence, the mama guilt. Every time someone wants, no needs to nurse, and I say no, I feel guilt. Not sentimentality, but guilt at not being able to provide what my child needs.

I can't imagine any mom keeps nursing because she likes it, but only because she knows it is the right thing for her kid. You can't force a kid to nurse.......

 

A little of it may be sentimentality, if you're a sentimental kind of person. But for me, it's more about seeing the benefits my child gets from nursing and taking some of that away before they're ready. I only weaned 1 of my children (at 15 months), and was very unhappy that I had. The others weaned when they were ready at anything from 22-33 months. There are so many benefits to extended breastfeeding, to both the mom (ones that are physical and have nothing to do with emotion or sentimentality) and child. Because of that it's recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics to BF for at least a year and as long after as is "mutually desired by the mother and child," and the World Health Organization recommends it up to at least the first 2 years. Most children are talking by then. That has nothing to do with the recommendation. Here is some of what the recommendation is based on, from the AAP's website:

 

I really don't understand the notion that it is weird to nurse a baby who can ask for it by name. Does that mean that my mom should have weaned me early because I talked early? My sister asked me to be sure to stop nursing when the boys could walk up to me when they wanted it. Huh? I can't tell you how awesome it has been to hear the boys tell me when they want to nurse, because I get a lot of information about what else they were looking for besides food. That has made weaning so much easier, because I know what to substitute and make sure we get more of (ie. really good quality cuddles and talks).

Sorry - this is totally off topic. Anyway, I second (fourth? seventh?) Fuchsia's suggestion to hold off on weaning until things settle down for all of you. Are you nursing several times a day? It often works very well to keep before- and after-work nursing sessions for a while after dropping mid-day sessions. I went back to work part time when the guys were 14 months and kept nursing twice a day for another 22 months or so. I know that's not your goal, but a long transition can be very helpful for everyone concerned!

 

Ditto to everything Holly said.

And I bf a toddler who asked for it all of the time, I thought it was really sweet. :wub: Not weird at all. Should we stop holding babies when they learn to say "Uppy", stop rocking them when they learn to say "Rocka Baby"? Those are all things that comfort a talking child, how are they different from nursing a toddler (except they don't also offer the nutritional benefits that nursing does)?